"Kick her," said a voice from far away. "I think she's dead."
"I'm not kicking her! She's bleeding glitter, which means she has…or rather had the Funky Cold Medina!" another voice argued. "You kick her."
"No way," the first voice replied. "Let's just leave her."
"Best idea you've had all day," the second voice laughed.
Loofy listened to the two people walking away wondering what they were talking about. She sat up shaking her head to get the glitter out of her ears, and suddenly remembered why she was lying on the ground. She had died, again…several times in fact. The dark lord Voldemort had cast the killing curse on her several times and left her lying in the middle of Hogsmeade bleeding glitter.
How many times had he cast the killing curse on her? Well, there was the first time in the middle of her Defense Against the Dark Arts class, and then seven more times in the middle of Hogsmeade. This meant, of course, that Loofy had only one life left before she was dead forever. And here she thought that her cat genes will keep her alive well into her hundreds.
Loofy stood up and dusted herself off as best she could. Then, she looked around wondering what day it was and what had become of Tommykins.
"I hope he's being nice," Loofy said. "I'll have to talk to him about killing me so much! Surely he won't do it again. I'd better go talk to Professor Dumbledore!"
Loofy started down the path from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts humming the opening theme from Law and Order: Criminal Intent (OMG love that show !!!) and skipping a long the path. She reached Hogwarts in castle no time at all even though it would seem Hogsmeade was a good distance from Hogwarts. She walked through the oak front doors (which sprung open as she approached) and right into Professor McGonagall.
"Miss Rewolf?" The Scottish witch asked in disbelief. "Aren't you…didn't you…how is it that you came to be alive again?"
"Cat genes," Loofy said waving her hand in a bored fashion. "I have one more life left, and I was hoping I could speak with Professor Dumbledore."
"He's in his office psyching Mr. Potter up for the battle against V-Voldemort tomorrow," Professor McGonagall replied.
"Oh, Tommykins hasn't started being nice?" Loofy asked.
"No. You didn't expect him to, did you?" McGonagall asked fixed Loofy with a hard gaze.
"Of course I did. I asked him politely to be nice," Loofy replied. "Well, it's lovely seeing you, Minerva."
"That's Professor McGonagall Miss Sue, I mean Rewolf," McGonagall said and walked away muttering to herself "Merlin's beard I need a stiff drink; I wonder if Snape has any strong firewhiskey."
Loofy tossed her dazzling hair over her shoulder and strode to the seventh floor where Dumbledore's office was located. She stopped in front of the stone gargoyle and realized that she didn't know the password. Well, Dumbledore was much nicer than Tommykins, so perhaps if she asked politely, the gargoyle would move.
"Would you move please, Mr. Gargoyle?" Loofy asked sweetly batting her eyelashes and giving the stone creature her most exuberant smile.
"It would be my pleasure, Madam," the gargoyle replied. He moved away from the entrance to Dumbledore's office. He walked to a bench a few feet away and sat down. After placing a monocle carefully over one eye, the gargoyle pulled out a newspaper, snapped it open, and began to read while mumbling to himself "Haven't read the news in ages…you'd think someone would have said something other than candy names in the last fifty years, but no…"
Loofy stopped listening to the gargoyle and walked up the stone steps to Dumbledore's office. She knocked on the door, and walked in without waiting for an invitation. Dumbledore looked surprised to see her, but hid it well. Harry, however, jumped up and started freaking out.
"ZOMBIE!" He yelled and pointed his wand at Loofy. "Incendio! Burn evil zombie!"
"Ouch!" Loofy exclaimed hastening to put her sleeve out. "Harry, it's not nice to set your girlfriend on fire."
"You're not my girlfriend, you zombie," Harry replied.
"Fine, fine," Loofy said patiently. "I need to talk with Professor Dumbledore. Would you mind waiting in the hall?"
"Err, sure," Harry said and then looked at Professor Dumbledore apologetically. "You're on your own with her, sir. Sorry."
"I will be fine, Harry, thank you," Dumbledore replied and Harry ran as fast as he could out of the room. "Have a seat, Loofy."
"Thank you, sir," Loofy replied perching herself regally in the nearest chair. "I was hoping to discuss Tommykins with you."
"Ah, yes. Harry is going to battle Voldemort for the last time tonight," Dumbledore replied. "Hopefully, he will kill the Dark Lord and bring peace and serenity to the Wizarding World once again."
"Tommykins doesn't have to die, sir," Loofy said. "I was hoping to have a talk with him. When is he set to arrive?"
"Let me check," Dumbledore said, a knowing twinkle in his eye. Damn that forgotten spell! He scanned his itinerary for the day and found the scheduled battle. "Ah, in about five minutes."
"Would it be all right if I accompanied you to the battle?" Loofy asked.
"Certainly," Dumbledore replied. "I hope you know what you're doing, Loofy."
"Yes, sir," Loofy replied. "I'm very confident that Tommykins will change this time."
"Let us hope so," Dumbledore replied. "Very well, then, shall we be on our way?"
"Yes, let's," Loofy replied.
Loofy allowed herself to be escorted from Dumbledore's office by the wizened, aged, elderly, intelligent, quirky, sparkly-eyed wizard himself. When they reached the hallway, Loofy noticed that Harry was nowhere to be seen, but Mr. Gargoyle was still sitting on his bench. Dumbledore didn't look at all surprised by Harry's disappearance. He did, however, look slightly shocked to see the gargoyle that guarded his door seated on a bench and reading a paper. He hid it well, and approached the gargoyle kindly.
"Ah, good afternoon, Reginald," Dumbledore greeted the gargoyle.
"The same to you, Dumbledore, my good man," Reginald the gargoyle replied. "Shall I resume my place in front of your door?"
"Please, finish your paper, Reginald," Dumbledore replied. "I dare say you have quite a bit to catch up on. However, if you would just keep an eye on the door for me while I'm gone."
"Ah, off to fight Voldemort, then?" Reginald asked.
"Yes, and as it's Harry's last year here at Hogwarts, the fight must end today," Dumbledore replied.
"Please send Mr. Potter my best wishes," Reginald replied and disappeared behind the paper again.
"Miss Rewolf, I was wondering if I might pester you with a small question," Dumbledore requested as they approached the first flight of stairs out of many.
"Of course," Loofy replied. "Please, ask away."
"Do you know how Reginald came to be, as it were, 'animated' again?" Dumbledore asked.
"Oh, well," Loofy replied. "You see, I realized that I didn't know the password to your office, and I thought it would be a waste of time to name every type of candy I know, and I know a lot of candy. So, I just asked him politely to let me into your office."
"I see, thank you," Dumbledore replied making a mental note to discuss this particular security flaw with Reginald. If word got out that you simply had to ask politely to be allowed entrance into his office, then the students would surely take full advantage of that and mess with his belongings. They might even steal his socks! No, surely they wouldn't go that far, right? Dumbledore shook his head slightly wondering what he was worried about. None of the students in Hogwarts were polite enough to ask his guardian gargoyle to 'please move'.
"Professor Dumbledore, are you all right? We're nearly to the battlefield and you seem distracted," Loofy said and then walked into a statue. She cut her arm on one of the sharp corners.
"Oh dear, please allow me to examine your wound," Dumbledore said working hard to hide his amusement at her plight.
"Oh, it's glitter again!" Loofy wailed. "Why do I bleed glitter?"
"Hmm, I have my theories, but now is not the time to discuss them," Dumbledore replied. "If you feel as though you can go on, then let us do just that."
"Yes, I'm fine. Let's go," Loofy replied.
They reached the battlefield and Loofy took a moment to take in the sight that greeted her. The entire student body and staff of Hogwarts were gathered behind Harry, except for the select few students who had decided to cheer for Voldemort. Voldemort himself was backed up by those students and his death eaters. Some of the death eaters were holding up encouraging signs for their master. Things like 'Go Voldie!' and 'Voldemort for President!', but there was one sign that seemed a bit out of place. It read 'Voldemort Reads Erotic Fiction!' Loofy sighed; some people were just so immature.
"Ah, Dumbledore how good to see you," Voldemort greeted Dumbledore as he and Loofy approached.
"Tom, I hope you are doing well," Dumbledore replied.
"Very well, thank you," Voldemort replied. He spotted Loofy and his face twisted into an ugly look of rage. "What the hell is that…that…that THING doing here? I've killed her eight times already."
"Miss Rewolf requested to be here, Tom," Dumbledore replied.
"Please, sir, allow me to talk to him," Loofy requested politely.
Dumbledore looked at Loofy briefly before sharing a pointed look with Voldemort. He looked once more at Loofy and nodded. Dumbledore stepped aside so that Loofy could speak with the Dark Lord.
"Hello, Tommykins," Loofy said. "I thought I should explain why I'm not dead. You see, I have cat genes in my blood and I actually have nine lives. You've killed me eight times, so I'm on my last life."
"You only have one life left?" Voldemort said, a mischievous smile coming to his face.
"Yes," Loofy replied. "Since I'm on my last life, I thought I would try to talk to you one last time. You should try being nice, Tommykins. It will get you so much farther than being mean. If you're nice, people will do nice things for you. They'll do favors for you and throw parties for you and invite you to the movies. So, you see, Tommykins, being nice is so…ni-."
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort roared jubilantly. A flash of green light flew from his wand and hit Loofy square in the chest. She fell over dead before she could even finish the last word of her short, pointless speech. Voldemort looked so happy with himself that it seemed he would cry. "Ha ha! I finally did it! She's gone! Gone forever! Ha ha ha! I, Voldemort, the Dark Lord have defeated the annoying girl! She's dead! Hallelu-!"
Voldemort didn't notice Harry Potter aiming his wand at him, and he certainly didn't hear the whispered curse Harry used. He didn't even notice the flash of green light until it hit him in the chest, and even then he didn't have time to comprehend what it truly was. The Dark Lord who had terrorized the wizarding world for so long fell over dead in a split second.
The Hogwarts students and staff erupted into cheers and jovially sang the Hogwarts School song. The Death Eaters and those few students who chose the losing side, walked away looking dejected and defeated. It would have been quite sad if it weren't for the fact that it was so happy.
"I say this calls for a celebration!" Dumbledore called over the ruckus. His suggestion was rewarded with more cheers from the excited students.
"Wait, Albus!" Professor McGonagall called. She was leaning over Loofy's still, lifeless body. "There's something you should see."
"What is it Minerva?" Dumbledore asked joining his long time colleague at Loofy's side.
"It seems that her head is…opening," McGonagall replied.
"Hmm," Dumbledore said wisely and knelt down in the grass. Then, disregarding the fact that he was handling a dead body, he grasped Loofy's face about the cheeks and gave a might pull.
The face pulled away easily revealing a hollow space where the brain would be in a normal person. Instead of brain, however, Loofy had a tiny little person seated at what appeared to be a Muggle computer. It appeared to be female, and it was typing away at the little keyboard with great intensity. Dumbledore cleared his throat and the little person looked up and gave a squeal of fright.
"Hello," Dumbledore said kindly. "And who might you be?"
"Umm, umm," the tiny girl began.
"Wait, Professor, I think I know," Hermione offered whipping out a large book and flipping to a part somewhere in the middle. "When I realized that Loofy was actually a Sue, I did some research. Then, when she died several times, I assumed we would never see her again and I put it in the back of my mind. After all, I have NEWTS coming up, and I didn't want to waste my time on things like Sues."
"I'm hoping, Miss Granger, that you will reach a point in your little speech soon," Snape said in smooth, condescending tone. "Otherwise, you might bore all of us to tears."
"Fine," Hermione snapped. "Anyway, I did some research on Sues, and I found out that they're actually created by a type of fairy known as 'Fanfiction Writers'. It says here that some Fanfiction Writers create new people to use when they encounter a new environment. Unfortunately, the Fanfiction Writers don't normally do enough research on humans or the environment that they encounter, and sometimes these new people they create can be considered 'too perfect'." Hermione paused and looked at the tiny girl. Most of the students and staff have gone inside by this point. Some of them were weeping with boredom "Is that what you are? A Fanfiction Writer?"
"Y-yes," the tiny girl squeaked. "My…my name is Edie."
"How did you make this girl?" Dumbledore asked.
"I built her out of leaves and sticks," Edie replied. "Then, I gave her a heart, which was actually just a heart-shaped cookie. She was pretty hollow, even after I invoked my fairy magic to give her skin, hair, and eyes. So, I filled her with glitter so that she wouldn't flutter away in a strong breeze."
"Did you intend for her to have nine lives?" Dumbledore asked.
"Yes," Edie replied, tears forming in her tiny little eyes. "I wanted her to have several chances to do good. I failed, didn't I? I'm…I'm sorry, I only wanted to help. I just wanted to make a difference." She put her face in her hands and began to cry. "Please don't hate me!"
"We don't hate you," Hermione said kindly. "We just think you need to do some more studying before creating anymore new people. That's all."
"R-really?" Edie asked after sniffing loudly.
"That's right," Dumbledore said. "Now then, I trust you have learned your lesson?"
"Oh yes," Edie replied. "No more creating people without research and development."
"Very good," Dumbledore replied clapping his hands. "Would you like to join our celebration, Edie?"
"I would, thank you," Edie replied, and Harry leaned over so that she could hitch a ride on his shoulder
"Bloody hell!" Ron exclaimed for no reason whatsoever.
Everyone laughed good naturedly at Ron, and they all walked back inside the castle as the sun was setting over the lake. They had a wonderful celebration, and partied all night long. It was awesome, and everyone who wasn't there wished they were. Also, there was cake.
The End.
Authors Note: I hoped everyone who read Loofy's adventures enjoyed the short journey we went on. I had fun writing this, and all though I meant to write several stories involving Loofy, I decided to go with a trilogy. Maybe she'll make cameo appearances in other stories, but for now I'm pretty sure she's good and dead. I am working on a serious story, but I'm taking my sweet time on it so that it will hopefully be good and worth reading.