Bitter Rabbit

I looked on in horror as my friend threw the stuff toy rabbit onto the floor. He pouted and stamped his tiny feet, crossing his arms and shouting, "I quit! I can't even make a decent toy, how can I call myself a Phantomhive?"

I rushed forwards and picked the stuff toy up, patting it so that the creases disappear, letting it regains its former beauty.

"Why Ciel? It's so cute and creative!" I exclaimed at the artistically-made toy rabbit. With the bunny in hand, I walked over to my childhood friend and placed the toy in his hands. Pointing to it sternly, I asked with narrowed eyes, "What exactly is wrong with him?"

Using his right hand, he gripped a handful of his bluish grey hair and sighed. "The eye! I can't make it right! Curse that symmetry!"

I patted him on his shoulders, "Do you still have your pirate eye patch?"

Ciel stared incredulously at me, as if I just asked him to hunt down a bear. Nevertheless, he rummaged his room for it before passing the eye patch to me with a look of doubt. I took it over and placed the eye patch over the right eye of the rabbit plush toy.

"There!" my voice brimmed with triumph. "Now you don't have to worry about its eye anymore!"

Ciel's face lit up, "Yes! Thank you Lizzy!" He said before hugging me, making me blush a little but seeing that he was happy, I was happy too.

As a child, Ciel loved to laugh and he smiled a lot too. Paula claimed that his smile was the brightest when he was with me, but I thought otherwise. I thought he was the happiest child when he was experimenting and inventing something. Sir Phantomhive, Ciel's father, took great delight that Ciel seemed to be following his footsteps. I loved to watch Ciel make new inventions, be it sweets or toys. He had great talent and I admired him for him, I often stayed with the Phantomhive family and they welcomed my stay with great hospitality.

Ciel often describe his visions for the future to me, being able to take over his father's business and expand it to greater heights, being able to create delicious candies and to create toys for the poor children who could not afford it. I would merely sit there, smiling and nodding my head as I imagine him, Ciel Phantomhive, as the head of the Phantomhive household and company, leading Britain to be the main exporter of sweets and toys. Ciel would then stop suddenly and demand for me to be more 'involved'.

Only when I was with Ciel, can I be able to laugh aloud and play. Mother said that a lady should not do this and must maintain her grace at all time. Therefore I always did that, a prim and proper lady, the respectable lady of the Middleford household.

One day, I saw Ciel at the ball laughing and chatting with another girl of my age. I don't know why but felt a little angry and upset at this. However, I could only watch on as they continued the conversation, keeping my unhappiness to myself because as a lady, I was not to let my tantrum get the best of me. I felt childish, and berated myself for being such a petty brat. Even so, I wished that Ciel would only talk to me because I felt bored without his company, especially when it was rare for him to attend parties since he had a weak body constitution.

The chance came when it was time for the dance.

"Would my lady accept my dance?" Ciel held his hand up.

I hesitated before taking his hand. As we were dancing, I could not help but blurt out, "Why didn't you ask that girl to dance with you?"

Ciel gave me and wide smile and chuckled, "I wanted to dance with the cutest girl here. Besides, I like your cuteness."

My eyes widened in surprise at his reply. He said I was cute? Usually that would greatly upset me, for it means that I have yet to be a true lady as Mother said I must be. Strangely, coming from Ciel, it felt more of a compliment than a criticism.

"If-f-If so, I-II'll continue to be cute t-then!" I stammered, averting making eye contact with Ciel, for my cheeks has turned crimson, leaving my emotions unmasked.

Ever since then, I tried to be cuter, so that Ciel would like me more. I would wear light fluffy colours like baby pink and light blue and add bows and ribbons to my hair, hoping that Ciel will find me 'cute'. Even though Ciel never said anything about it, I noticed that he did smile more now.

I'll help him with the designs of the toys he created and often we would sit in his room and draw. I was happy whenever Ciel praise my artworks, saying that I have great talent and I may even surpass Leonardo Da Vinci himself. At that time, I innocently believed him and would spend hours drawing, leading to the whole Middleford household worrying that I had a fever or something. However, that simple praise was also what inspired me to draw the costume design for the rabbit, which Ciel named "Bitter Rabbit", due to it having a grumpy, sour look on its face. The look of pride on his face was telling that he is eager to be able to help out in the Phantomhive company and to one day succeed his father.

Never did he know that that day would come so soon.

When I heard of the great fire that engulf the Phantomhive Mansion, I too, was engulf my devastation. Everything was gone, right down to the very blade of grass that we had played on. Not only was the magnificient Mansion destroyed, but the people I loved, Sir Phantomhive and his lady, Tanaka and…. My Ciel.

Where were you Ciel? Where? Don't leave me alone, Ciel!

They say that you are dead, that you have died and gone to heaven, but I'm not buying that. I don't believe you are dead, you can't be. You promised that you would convince your father to mass produce Bitter Rabbit for all the poor or orphaned children in Great Britain. You promised that you will live to eat the best sweets and cakes in the world.

And…..

You promised you will take me as your bride.

Now, I am widowed before I had even stepped onto the aisle.

Ciel, you liar.

I hate you.

I…..I really…do.

But my love for you overpowers my hate for you.

Why?

I can't accept this, I can't take this. Call me selfish but I want to cling onto you tightly and never let you go.

Mother says you are dead. And I should just let you go. She said it with such ease that it seemed easy. However, I know it's not because I saw her dapping her eyes with her hanky when she was in her room.

I thought it would take me forever to get over your death (if I can even do that). But it didn't.

Because before I got over my grief, you came back.

Back to me.

But I was shocked at how melancholy you have become. What happened to that lively and optimistic Ciel? Why have you become so sad and secretive?

No longer do you play with me. Instead you were always on what you call "The Queen's assigned duties". Tailing you was your loyal butler, your shadow.

I had thought that a fiancée was supposed to assist her betrothed, but you kept pushing me away. What can I do to lighten your burdens, I often wondered. I realized I can do nothing because as a lady, we are brought up to never interfere with the work of men's. Neither were we any help in politics and work. I was almost envious of your butler's ability to be able to assist you with the Queen's duties.

I do know your burdens, how you are assigned on duties you rather not take on. How your life was always on jeopardy as people plotted and tried to kill you. Those crashes of window panes and the shrieks I heard when the clock struck twelve, when I was staying over at your place, was not due to the strong gushes of wind or the thunder. I know they wanted you dead, and the whole household to perish along too.

I silently accepted Mr Tanaka's explanation that it was just the storm because it will do no good for me to argue against that. It just alarms people even more, if I know the truth.

Even as I saw you and your butler kill those men, I convinced myself you are doing this for a greater good. My childhood friend, responsible for the death of many people, what caused the change in you? Weren't you the one who wanted to save others? Maybe there are some not worth saving.

I was grateful, and still am, for Mr Sebastian's advice. He told me the best I can help Ciel was to be myself. I was wondering what he meant but realize that just trying to cheer Ciel up is enough a consolation. That is why I always try to make things cuter. Because that is the only way to take Ciel away from the Queen's frustrations that saddled my dear Ciel.

When I try to make things cuter, I sense that Ciel seemed to be detached from his worries. It was as if he was trying to recall those happy memories years ago. That's why I tried extra hard to make sure that he notices me. I may have overdone it at times, I resent myself for this limited method of 'helping', but Maylene and Finnian always comfort me that Ciel seemed to be in a much pleasant mood after that.

I never knew how true it is, Ciel never showed much of his emotions, but once I did catch Mr Sebastian winking at me. It gave my reassurance that the old Ciel is still around.

One day, Ciel asked me for a dance, which I gladly compelled. Somehow that seemed to be the last dance we will ever have.

Ciel asked for my hand to dance, something he never initiated ever since the great fire three years ago. I took his hand, with trepidation and suspicion, but I concealed those feelings up.

I saw his black nails, his red eyes, and knew that it was time to let go. This additional 4 years, from the time he survived the fire and the time he survived after falling from the bridge, was sufficient for me.

I must not be selfish.

"I love you Elizabeth." It was a soft whisper, but a strong declaration nevertheless.

He caught sight of the Bitter Rabbit that peeked out from my handbag and noted in astonishment, "After all this time...it's still with you?"

I nodded in embarrassment. Is he going to berate me for being too attached to inanimate objects?

Instead, he just mumbled, "That's good."

That was the last words I ever heard from him since then.

I heard from the servants that Ciel had gone on a long, long journey and he wasn't coming back.

I had braced myself for this but letting go was still hard.

At least Mr Sebastian was still there to take care of him, helping in ways I can never help.

At the Phantomhive Mansion, I looked sadly at the floor we used to dance. Now the estate was merely an empty shell, filled with memories and nothing more.

Reluctantly, I placed Bitter Rabbit in the center of the room and walked away with slow, heavy steps, aware that its good left eye was watching me leaving.

Let our memories be sealed up and nothing more.

_THE END_

Author's note

I thank all who read this!

Finally I completed this! ^^ I've been meaning to complete this for long time but lack the emotions to do this. Lately, I'm getting to obsessed with character analyst…

For this one-shot, it explores the supporting character, Lady Elizabeth.

At first glance, Elizabeth seemed to be a childish immature brat who only wants things to be 'cute'. Not a great character, she is probably one of the most hated character in this series. Apart for being in the way of SebastianXCiel.

I cannot say that Elizabeth is my favourite character (she's probably my least favourite) but after her portrayal in the last episode of Season One and Two, I felt she was more mature. In the manga, she is more mature too.

Thus, I tried to experiment with her character in this fanfic, that she is more mature and probably more knowing of the situation. She may seemed useless but I do think she helps to keep Ciel rooted to what he is supposed to be- a simple kid. A young child who was not supposed to grow up so fast and so cruelly.

-Liesel