Disclaimer: Ranma, Ah my goddess, and Sailor Moon belong to their peeps. I am not profiting off my short story, because if I was I'd be writing professionally for a major motion picture studio or something, considering I'm not an English major, don't expect much. However, I do own my Ideas.
A Twisted Tale of Ranma
Written By Gabriel R Lopez
Since every Ranma story has one of three beginnings, I'll just state simply that this is an alterverse story that takes place after the Saffron incident, and occurs before the failed wedding… because Ranma can't kick ass without all his badass super powers.
Ok lets start with the cliché of Ranma sitting of the roof of the Tendo Dojo looking up into the stars, after just having killed a really big bird monster in China…well that was a spectacular battle, 1,500 people should write about the pain and anguish felt by Ranma Saotome, the event was that epic. Ranma Saotome killed an immortal Birdman…'wait If he was immortal, how could I kill him' the tumblers of logic fell into place and Ranma no longer felt guilty about being a mass murderer. The 10,000 people in Nermia who had almost died as a result of injuries sustained during Ranma's battles with Moose, Ryoga, Kuno, Akane, Pantyhose, Herb, Happosi, Genma, Ukyo and Kodachi could all rest easy now.
"I think I'll order a pizza" Ranma thought aloud, a huge weight lifted off his shoulders, and there is no better way to celebrate than with a pie made of flatbread, tomatoes, cheese, some Japanese stuff that I don't know about because the author is an American, mushrooms and pepperoni …
As Ranma picked the phone off of the receiver there was a weird buzzing sensation that one might compare to a spider sense, that went off, It usually warned him when something bad was going to happen. 'Oh well, lets not worry about that now. ' Ranma thought to himself as he scratched his behind, and started dialing the digits for the local Dominos'. "Hello You have reached the Demonic Grief Office please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly" Ranma quickly put the phone back on the receiver and dialed again… "WHAT PART OF STAY ON THE LINE DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND MORON!!!"
'Wow, Dominos customer service representatives are mean' Ranma thought as he hung up the phone. As he walked to the bathroom to take a leak, Ranma figured it would be safer to go to Ukyo's and pick up a Hamburger, since that McDonalds franchise had forcefully taken over her restaurant's operations Ukyo was now spending her days counting money and buying stupid things like fancy clothes and designer shoes. As Ranma lifted up the toilet seat a very angry looking blonde poked her head out of the toilet, this was shortly followed by the rest of her, and she didn't look to happy about it.
"LISTEN YOU IDIOT, WHAT PART OF STAY ON THE LINE DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!!" the blonde shouted. Ranma looked curiously at the toilet, trying to figure out how the woman from dominoes managed such a feat…Ranma then momentarily wondered if he could stand in the toilet and flush himself down and wind up somewhere else…nah, that would be stupid, he silently laughed to himself at the blondes stupidity. Meanwhile the blonde was annoyed by the boy's ignorance. "Listen up Boy, My name is Mara, you get one wish and one wish only. So make it snappy!"
"OMG! You're the toilet fairy!" Ranma had always wanted to see the toilet fairy ever since his father told him that if he left enough presents in the magical basin, the toilet fairy would grant his wishes, he thought it was disgusting, and later dismissed it with Santa Clause as just another one of those lies his father had told him.
"NO, I'm a Demon. Because you caused the pain and suffering of more than 10,000 souls…not including that annoying Ryoga kid who keeps wandering the depths of hell every weekend, or the rest of the so called Nermia Wreaking Crew, you get one free wish No limitations, No strings attatched. Personally I'd recommend a wish to kill your father, But, then agan as a demon I'm bias. " Mara brushed her fingernails on her jacket, before looking at the back of her palm in impatience.
"You're not planning to take my soul as payment or anything are you?" Ranma asked
"Don't be ridiculous, you father sold that to us years ago." Mara scoffed.
"Then I wish I didn't have to go through with this wedding, nor ' ANY WEDDING' my father arranged"
"Granted…thanks for the memories" Mara jumped in the toilet bowl and vanished as Ranma just stood there like an idiot waiting for something to happen.
"DAMMIT! I should have wished for something substantial." Ranma cursed and mourned for the loss of his wish.
Meanwhile in a parallel dimension …
"Fighting evil by moon light, winning love by day light, you can never beat her in a fair fight, she is the one named sailor moon!!!" Usagi Moonstone sang to herself as she ran to the shrine to meet her friends… little did she know of the horrible future that awaited her.