AN: This is the thoughts of Ana-Lucia's mother during Season 2. I wrote this awhile ago. Let me know what you think.
Second Chance
A second chance. That was all she wanted. She spent every moment wishing she'd done something while she had the chance. She thought she'd done the right thing, giving her space. After all, her daughter was an adult; she was more than capable of taking care of herself. But this was different.
She had no idea what Ana was going through, she realised that. She didn't know what it was like to lose a child. She had come close to experiencing it that night, but she was lucky. As a mother, she had always wanted to spare her child from pain. But even though now her daughter was experiencing the worst emotional heartache she could imagine, all she could feel was relief that it wasn't her child that had died. She tried not to think about her lost grandchild. When she did, she felt so much guilt. What kind of person was she to feel this way? That she was almost glad that her daughter was the one to feel this intense suffering, while she had been spared?
Those feelings of guilt where intensified whenever she looked into her daughter's eyes. The pain, the hatred. She could sense that her Ana was slowly falling apart. It scared her. She wanted to help her, but she knew that any help offered would never be accepted. She had raised her daughter to be independent. She had always been proud of this. Now the thought terrified her. All she wanted to do was hold her, to comfort her while she cried, to make it better the way she used to when Ana was a small child. But there was a gap between them now, caused by feelings that endlessly tormented one and which the other could not possibly understand.
So when Ana walked away that day, she let her go. Perhaps it would be good for her to get away. Maybe if she got away from everything she would be able to deal with what had happened, and eventually move on with her life. She chose to focus on the positives of the situation, rather than spending hours lying awake at night wondering where her daughter was, if she was safe, when she was coming home.
But try as she might, she couldn't ignore these thoughts. Every time the phone rang, she jumped, hoping that this time it would be Ana on the other end. After awhile, these thoughts turned to dread, as she imagined hearing a stranger's voice on the other end, telling her that her worst night mare had come true. As the months went by, neither of these situations occurred. She wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or tortured by this. She had spent too many years in the police force to still believe the old adage about no news being good news.
Finally, the call she had been waiting for came. It was early evening, and she was at work. She was often at work these days, even when she didn't need to be. The constant stream of activity going on around her gave her something to focus on, preventing her thoughts from wandering to a dark place. She'd had a feeling, somehow, all day that the call was coming. She couldn't explain it, but there was no doubt in her mind when the phone rang who was on the other end.
She wasn't sure how the conversation would go. She hadn't allowed herself to imagine it, because that meant hoping for something that might not come. She wished she had now. She wished she'd considered every possible scenario, every emotion, every line of reasoning she could use to convince her daughter to finally come home, where she belonged. But she hadn't. So she simply waited, allowing Ana to make the first move. Giving her time, like she always did, even though now the silence between Ana's slightly fragmented sentences was overwhelming.
After what seemed like an eternity, Ana spoke the words she had been waiting to hear. I want to come home. On the verge of tears, it sounded like she was asking for her mother's permission. So come home. The relief she felt when she said those three words was immense. She felt her body relax in a way that she hadn't for a long time. Finally, things were going to be okay. Then, silence. Maybe she'd said the wrong thing. Had she just ruined her chance? Then, she heard her daughter speak again. Giving her the details of her flight. She scrambled for a pen, desperate to write them down. Not to remember them; she knew she wouldn't forget those numbers. But to have proof that this was happening. Tangible evidence of this conversation, that she could stare at as she replayed her daughter's voice in her head while she waited for the plane to arrive. She knew the next few hours would be the longest in her life.
She sighed. I'll be there when you land, she'd told her. Hoping that by telling her this, she would feel some kind of reassurance. She knew Ana still had a lot to deal with, and she wanted her to know that she would be beside her, every step of the way. Like she should have been from the start.
She hung up the phone. She started to gather her things, to go home, all the while thinking about what she'd do when she saw Ana, what she'd say to her. She had no idea. She did know that the first thing she'd do would be to throw her arms around her daughter and hold her as long as she would let her. She'd held back before, but never again. She was being given a second chance, and she did not intend to waste it.
The End.