Life Lesson #1

Life Hates Me

You know that saying that consciousness is that annoying time between naps? In that moment, Ana was a firm believer. Usually, she was an early riser no matter how late she went to bed. Sleep could be a waste of time when she could be doing something more important…like playing video games. What? Those things could be addictive. The Sims especially. Think about it, you hold the lives of the people you create in the palms of your hands. It was pretty funny to make your sim go swimming and then take away the ladder; they couldn't get out otherwise. They'd swim for days on end. But all of that was irrelevant. The point was that Ana was awake and she did not like it. She felt so exhausted, like she had run a marathon. And her bed was rock hard, and her pillow felt like rock as well.

Wait a minute…

Her pillow was a rock.

"What the hell?" Ana asked, surprised when her voice echoed off the walls. The teenager sat up, thoroughly confused when her roaming hands touched the cool, grainy surface of the stone-like floor. She rubbed at her eyes in an attempt to rid the vestiges of sleep from them. Something weird was going on and she needed to see.

Soon, she discovered that the problem wasn't her eyes. The room was just insanely dark. Pitch black. No ounce of light. That raised alarm bells for her, because surely there should be a little bit of light, right?

"Oh my God, I've gone blind!" Ana cried out. Her hands clamped over her mouth when her words echoed noisily through the dark space. That right there told her she was in a foreign area. Her bedroom didn't echo! Nor were there rocks in her room… Okay, there was one rock in her room but that was her pet rock, Michelangelo. What? Don't judge. They made great companions.

"Where am I?" she whispered in the darkness. Half of her wanted someone to answer. The other half was afraid that someone would, maybe someone that had kidnapped her? That would make sense, what with her crappy luck. But no sounds were heard other than her heavy breathing.

Swallowing hard, Ana pawed at her body in paranoia. There were no bumps, broken bones, or bruises, only stiff joints from sleeping on the uncomfortable ground. At least she was dressed and no perverts had tried to molest her in her sleep. Hm, and she was wearing her jeans. Occasionally, she would fall asleep in them but she more often than not changed into sleep clothes. She must have forgotten when she went to bed last night.

A realization hit her, one that made her blood run cold, "…I don't remember going to bed. …I don't remember what I was even doing."

Heart rate increasing, Ana dug into her pockets in a frightened frenzy. Thankful that she was wearing her jeans and not her pajama pants, Ana hurriedly fished out her cell phone, a Galaxy S2. Seconds later, the screen lit up, lighting the once bewildering darkness.

So I'm not blind then, Ana exhaled in relief. The relief was short-lived when her eyes adjusted to the beam of light bouncing off the rocky walls. She blinked rapidly, rising to her feet and performing a full 360 degree turn.

"Where am I?" she repeated her question from earlier. This was definitely not her room. Hell, she doubted she was anywhere near her house! She would have remembered seeing caves. Yes, cave. That's what this place had to be, if the stone walls were any indication.

Oh God, what if some bat shit crazy cult members brought me here to sacrifice me to their goat god or something? Or maybe they're cannibals who will chop me up and EAT me? Or they're sadists who bring people here to wander until they die from thirst and starvation? Or… Wait, I'm a sadist. If they are too then they'd accept me as one of their own. Or maybe they don't like competition?

Ana let her thoughts stray away from that subject. They were not helping matters. Fear coiled in the pits of her stomach and she considered finding a nice rock to hide under. There were plenty around here. Surely there was one large enough to hide her.

No, she needed to stay focused, suck it up like a man. She wasn't totally helpless! She always carried a pocketknife for protection. Wait… Okay, yeah, she still had it on her. It was in her other pocket with…a rock?

"Michelangelo?" she wondered, looking down at her nonliving pet. The cheery face drawn on the rock's surface clashed with her horrible situation, almost like it was mocking her. "Ah well, at least I'm not completely alone in this, right buddy?"

No answer.

"…you're a horrible conversationalist." Ana put the rock in her pocket. Then, taking a deep breath, she moved her feet forward. Nothing good would come of sitting there waiting for a rescue that may never come. As it was, her phone received no signal, leaving her with no other options. She'd have to take her chances, hope the direction she walked was the one that led her to the exit, and brave the cave as best as she could. Hmm…brave…cave…rhyming…

She let the light from her phone lead the way. There wasn't much to the tunnel she walked in. Rocks, rocks, rocks, and oh look! More rocks. There were round rocks, small rocks, dull rocks, glittering rocks, tan rocks, black rocks, you name it. It was a rock lover's paradise. And every one of them hated her. More times than she could count, her feet tripped on them, nearly sending her into a face plant with each trip.

"Michelangelo, I don't think you're brethren like me very much," Ana confided. The farther she walked, and the more the darkness persisted, and the more the rocks kept tripping her, the more fed up she got. Finally, she gave up and called out for help. Screw possible kidnappers, she just wanted out. She sunk so low as to call out for her parents and sister, Kaylee. No amount of shouts brought her an answer. That didn't stop her from shouting, if anything to rid herself of the eerie silence.

Ana continued to walk. For how long, she hadn't the slightest clue. While she walked and yelled to her heart's content, her mind traveled a mile a minute. Ana prided herself on being a smart girl. At fourteen, she was more mature than most kids her age…when it came to practical purposes anyway. Her memory was pretty good as well. So it frustrated her to no end that she could not for the life of her remember what got her here. What had she been doing last? What day was it? Had it been a school day? Or had she been home? Did she come here of her own free will? …Nah. It didn't sound likely. But maybe she had gone out on her own somewhere else. Maybe someone kidnapped her while she was away from home and used some drug on her.

The idea sent her thoughts into a dark spiral. If she found this person or persons…oh, there would be no escape.

In a bad mood, Ana marched onward and effectively hit her shin on something metal.

"Ah!" she cried out, clutching at her leg with one hand and using the other to hold the phone up so she could see what object dared to stand in her path.

A large metal…cart?

Yeah, a rusty cart on wheels sat in the middle of the tunnel. On the inside were black rocks (coal?) filling one-third of the cart. Frowning, Ana pushed against the rim. The wheels were either broken or jammed. It wouldn't budge an inch.

"…whatever," the grumpy girl mumbled, trudging forward yet again. A few yards down the tunnel she saw another metal cart. What place was this? At any rate, she hoped this was a good sign.

Indeed, it was a good sign. Five minutes later she saw the light of day.

"We're saved, Michelangelo!" Ana shouted excitedly. Sauntering over to the cave's entrance, she discovered the large opening covered with dirty boards. Upon closer inspection, she discovered the wood to be rotted somewhat. Either the people who boarded up the cave were cheap or this place had been closed off for quite a while now.

For several moments Ana scowled at the wood.

Then she lifted her leg and planted her foot against the boards with enough force to break the wood. Another well placed kick opened a wide enough space for her to sneak out of.

"FREEDOM!" Ana exclaimed stretching her arms up towards the heavens. Out in the open, she noted a few things. It was late afternoon and the sun would set within the hour. Her phone still had zilch signal wise. The cave was not a cave at all; the old sign off to the side of the entrance proclaimed it to be the "Arcadia Mine". The landscape looked nothing like it did back home. There were dark shades of grass, the ground producing little in the way of trees, mostly multi-colored bushes, but the trees she saw were gigantic with sprawling limbs. And the most noticeable thing of all was where the path from the mine led to. About a fifteen minute walk stood a small dusty town she had never seen before.

Out of all of that, Ana could only focus on one thing.

"…where are all the trees? Who stole the trees?" she wondered aloud. In northern Louisiana, where she had lived all of her life, there were clusters galore of trees everywhere. This…this was not anywhere near her home.

"Did they jump the border into Texas when they kidnapped me?" Of course, she had no answer for that or any of her other questions for that matter. It'd be best to leave it alone until she got to the town and could ask the townspeople.

Turned out, the walk took her over twenty minutes. Her feet dragged with every step. Rather than go another inch forward, she wanted to sprawl in the grass and take a nap. But that would accomplish nothing. And so, though it pained her tired body, she walked onward.

When she reached the edge of the town, her impression of it was…unimpressed. She had thought her town, Sibley, was small. This was microscopic. Aside from that, the roads were dirt, the buildings were on the small side with only a couple reaching above one story, and the style of the various stores and houses were…odd. Come to think of it, the clothes the people wore were odd too. A few men and women that passed by her stared at her like she was the one with weird clothes. No, just no. Their clothes looked so old fashioned, and the majority of the women wore dresses or long skirts. They were dressed incredibly modest, not a common thing to see nowadays.

"…whatever," she grumbled, ignoring their stares and walking into the nearest store. The smell hit her first, then a barrage of colors assaulted her eyesight. A flower shop, one with bad business. There weren't any more people besides herself and the old granny manning the counter. Ana approached with caution.

"Excuse me," she began politely, unable to shake the nervousness in her voice.

The lady smiled at her. Some of her teeth were missing. "How can I help you, Dearie?"

…Dearie? Who calls people that? "Um, I'm kinda lost. Can you tell me where I am?"

"My shop," she replied unhelpfully.

Ana wanted to face palm. "No, I meant the town."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Silly me," she laughed at herself, straightening the baby blue shawl she wore. "This is the town of Arcadia."

"Hm, sounds legit. I saw the Arcadia Mine on the way here."

"Yes, that mine hasn't been used in many years. There was nothing left to be had from it unfortunately. Nowadays, most of the men work as carpenters but back in my day…"

Ana zoned out, her face blank. What had she gotten herself into? Finally, when the old woman began talking about her third husband, Ana interrupted her, "Okay, but back to the town. Where is it located?"

Without being bothered by the interruption, the lady easily told her, "It's on the edge of the East and South border."

"…East and South of what?"

"Why, Amestris, Dearie!" the old woman cackled. Like, straight up cackled.

"Uh, you mean America?"

"No, Amestris, the country of course."

"…thanks for the help," Ana said and abruptly left, the old woman calling a pleasant farewell after her.

Out on the street, Ana shook her head. She should have known better than to ask her for answers. The old woman was obviously senile. That was an easy enough excuse, but the other townspeople's answer could not be brushed aside so easily. She asked men and women of different ages, some that passed by her on the road or some she met in the various shops, what the name of the town was and where it was located. They gave her serious glances but all said the same thing: Arcadia, Amestris. Surely the whole town couldn't be crazy? And this was on too large a scale to be a joke, although she was quickly hoping that she was being punked. People kidnapping her and crossing the border into Texas, that she could believe. Waking up in a foreign country she had never heard of, on the other hand… On second thought, the name "Amestris" did sound familiar. Maybe it was in Europe? Then again, that would mean crossing the entire ocean, while she had been asleep. Highly unlikely. It was more probable that she had unknowingly discovered the power of teleportation. Le gasp, what if she really had superpowers?! That would be so cool!

Alas, the sun had set, Ana had received no reasonable answers, her phone still lacked signal, and she was thoroughly annoyed. She needed some cold hard proof and she needed it now. So when she walked into yet another store (a bookstore this time) she asked the bespectacled, thirty something, short blond haired, goateed man if she could see a map. The man didn't question her. He purposefully went to a shelf located behind the counter and pulled out a rectangular piece of paper. He stepped back to the counter and opened the paper where it had been folded thrice. It wasn't too large, covering half the countertop.

Ana's eyes studied the picture eagerly while her heart dropped in dismay. It was all there, Amestris in bold script at the top and, with minimal searching, she found Arcadia towards the lower right section of the circular country. Amestris was divided into five areas: the cardinal directions, plus an area in the center titled "Central". Highly original, and yes, that was sarcasm. To make matters worse, the bordering countries were completely lost on her. Creta? Drachma? What the hell?

"You must be a traveler," the man spoke for the first time, his voice one of those quiet, soothing types that could put you to sleep like a lullaby.

"Umm, I guess you could say that," she reluctantly agreed. Mentally she ranted, No I'm not. I just woke up in a freaking mine and was probably kidnapped but I can't remember and now I'm in some town filled with weirdos and I can't even call home for help. Can you tell me where I left my sanity? Rather than say any of those things, Ana pointed at an odd assortment of lines stretching across Amestris, each one having breaks in the separate lines. "What are those?"

"Those lines represent the train routes."

"Trains?"

"Yes, the number one means of transportation in Amestris," he stated as if that were obvious while somehow managing to stay polite.

"Trains," she repeated in a murmur, brows furrowing. What kind of backwater country used trains as their top transportation system? Were they poor?

As she was considering the many possibilities, Ana's eyes continued to roam the map. In the top right corner read the numbers "1914". She asked the shopkeeper what they signified.

Despite his perplexed expression, he answered her, "The date."

"The map is that old?!" Man, they were so poor they couldn't even afford new maps!

"What are you talking about? This is the most recent edition of Amestris, including up-to-date populations in all the cities and towns, new railroads and roadways, and more accurate borderlines. It was just released earlier this year."

"This…year…" Ana breathed as everything began to make sense. The unusual clothes the people wore and the looks they gave her, the trains, the lack of phone signal, the old fashioned style of everything here, Amestris and the weird countries, it all could be explained by only one thing…

TIME TRAVEL!

Somehow, someway, she had traveled into the past and wound up elsewhere in the world during the process. That must be why Amestris was only vaguely familiar. She had to have heard about it in a history class at some point, and the country itself and the surrounding ones must change over time to more familiar present countries.

Just as Ana was finding solid ground, the shopkeeper shattered her reality, leaving her floating adrift in a sea of disbelief and confusion.

"Yes, this is the Gertenburg version. From what I hear, his family has long been affiliated with the military, producing some very prominent State Alchemists. Although he's not one himself, he is an accomplished alchemist."

"State Alchemists…" Ana said in little more than a whisper. Surely this was a joke. She looked down once again, seeking further proof to confirm what this man unknowingly hinted at. She pinpointed the town of Resembool and then Central City itself. Even if she could recall more towns at the moment, there was no need of looking further. She had been wrong before. Amestris was familiar for other reasons. It never occurred to her before because…never would she have thought that…

"This is crazy," Ana spoke to herself. With the shock so great, all she could do was stand there. There was no freaking out, no racing heart, no signs of fainting. It was so impossible that she could offer no reaction at all.

It's gotta be a joke. Right? But who would go so far and make it this elaborate? Why isn't a camera crew coming out yelling, "Gotchya!" Why isn't anyone laughing? Oh my God, why isn't anyone laughing yet?!

"Hey," a voice called. A calming hand on her shoulder broke her out of her dazed state. Ana looked up to see the shopkeeper giving her a worried stare. "Are you okay?"

"I…don't know," she answered honestly.

His eyes crinkled in concern, "You look beat. What you need is a good meal and a night's rest. Why don't you head to the inn down the street? My sister runs the place and if you tell her Demetri sent you, she'll set you up nice."

"But I don't have a way to pay." Ana had barely gotten the sentence out when Demetri patted her on the shoulder and gave her assurances.

"Don't worry about it. She'll find a way for you to make it up to her," he smiled, leading her to the door. He gave her directions to Martha's Inn, patted her head, and wished her luck.

Ana walked through the now intimidating town, knowing that she was far from home and truly alone.

If this was a dream, she really wanted to wake up now please.

Martha's Inn, one of the buildings that made it past one-story, reaching up to two whole floors. Wood made up its structure, benches lined the front under an awning, and a warm glow filtered out of the square, open windows. Nothing extraordinary, but welcoming all the same. Inside, a rowdy bunch of people were gathered around several tables. This seemed to be one of the few places to go in town. Everyone there varied in ages, the majority being men with a few women mixed in. Their faces bore smiles as they laughed, talked, ate, and drank.

It clashed terribly with Ana's current mood.

It took scarcely a minute to find the innkeeper herself. Martha was a stout woman, clothed in a beige dress that accentuated her body structure. With her gray-brown hair tied up in a bun, the fine wrinkles beginning to form in her skin were more noticeable, and also told Ana that Martha was the older sibling of Demetri. When Ana told the woman of her dilemma and mentioned her brother, Martha smiled, making her crow's feet more pronounced, and welcomed her warmly. Ana soon found herself seated at a table, a bowl of…something placed in front of her. Soup probably, and tasty soup at that. Considering the occupied state of her mind, there was no room to enjoy the food. She ate in a daze, unfazed when others attempted to converse with her. One boy, a few years older than her, sat with her the longest. A measly two minutes later, he gave up. She barely noticed when he left. No one tried to talk to her after that. Ana didn't even have the presence of mind to be grateful for that.

Not one to let a free meal go to waste, Ana consumed every bite. Martha sensed her weariness and showed her to an empty room upstairs without delay. The older woman made sure that her tenant had everything she needed, and then slipped quietly out of the room, closing the door behind her. Ana barely noticed when she left too.

In a slow manner, Ana sat on the bed. Her face blank, she stared dully at the wall for several minutes. She lacked the presence of mind to fully take in her surroundings, only noting that the bed was made with clean sheets. Kicking off her shoes and emptying her pockets on the bedside table, Ana slipped under the covers. She gave the ceiling the same stare she gave the wall and laid there for the longest time hardly blinking.

"I'm in Fullmetal Alchemist," she spoke carefully, as if testing the validity of the words. It made the situation that much more real, more intimidating, more hopelessly confusing.

"…life hates me."

Hiya party peoples! I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter. The town Arcadia is of my own creation and I've mentioned it in a couple of my other stories so it almost feels like a real place in Amestris to me. I chose to start it off here cause let's face it, the odds of popping up around the canon characters is slim to none. So no canon characters for this chapter but they will come very, very soon.

I'm interested in what you guys think of Ana. She's more than just a character, she's my sister. This story started out from when me and her were talking on the phone and she asked, "What do you think would happen if I went to Amestris?" And I don't remember what I said but it was probably something along the lines of, "Oh God, you'd traumatize those poor Amestrian souls." But we started talking about it a lot and began this running gag of things going wrong for her because life hates her, and before I knew it there was this giant storyline planned out and I couldn't just not write it. Me and Ana have big things in store for this story. Although I write the chapters, Ana does plan them with me and edits the chapters so props go to her too.

Updating on this will be iffy, but I've got the next chapter ready to go and will post it by this weekend, probably after I update my story Reprieve. To my readers on that story, sorry I'm taking so long but I'm almost done with the new chapter and should have it up by this weekend.

Stay tuned for Life Lesson #2! I love you all, my furry friends! Oh, and by the way, the story picture is in fact a picture of Michelangelo. My sister really does have a pet rock. ^_^ If you had a pet rock, what would its name be?