A/N: Hi! It's me again! I'm still alive! I have (yet again) started on a new fandom... FEAR ME! :D

... Anyway, I've been wanting to write a Skulduggery Pleasant story for ages, but I just couldn't get my ideas down onto paper... err, computer? So this chapter is dedicated to Reia Kellyn who encouraged me to write, the product of which was this! =D Love ya!

These will most likely be drabbles, although a few, like this one and (probably) the next one, will be connected. Most of them will be written a few years after Mortal Coil, following that, EXCEPT Tanith is still normal because she's one of my favourite characters. There will be pairings of all shapes and sizes, but be warned, I am a Valduggery fan! However, I also like Fletchyrie, to an extent. And without further ado!

Disclaimer: I am a something-teen year old girl, what part of that suggests that I am Derek Landy? Huh?

Valkyrie Cain grabbed Skulduggery's hand and dragged him through the corridors of the Sanctuary as he dug the heels of his (exquisite) Italian shoes into the carpet. "Come on Skul! We are going to this meeting, whether you like it or not!"

"But why?" He whined childishly. "You know full well how much I dislike Madam Mist!"

"Because," She began pompously, "We are now official Sanctuary Detectives, and it is our duty to acquiesce to our most monotonous tasks, despite the repugnance we hold for them!"

A moment of silence passed.

"Besides, I think I'll enjoy seeing you get scolded for kicking her spider puppy! And Madame Mist is pretty cool once you get talking with her and get her to take of that ridiculous veil. Oh, and you can take your facade off, you're not gonna be able to hide from this!"

He touched his gloved fingers to the tattoos etched onto his collarbones, recently upgraded by China Sorrows to extend to his whole body, and his skin retracted until his skeleton form was visible. "Fine, but I'm telling you, that puppy had sharp fangs! It tried to run off with one of my legs! What else could I have done! By the way, I liked the use of those big words in that sentence, are you sure you know what all of them mean?"

Valkyrie sighed. "Yes, I get that you had to get it off your leg, but I think that she's more, ahem, annoyed about the fact that after you had kicked it and it shifted into spider form, you stepped on it before getting into the Bentley and trying to run it over! The poor thing would have been crushed if Madam Mist hadn't been looking out of a window nearby and saw what was happening! And you exacerbate my affront by suggesting I don't know the meanings of these monumentally outstanding words!"

"What, did you swallow a dictionary this morning?"

Unbeknownst to Skulduggery, throughout this whole, most interesting conversation, Valkyrie had been leading him in zig-zags through the Sanctuary and they were now standing in front of an unadorned oak door.

"Shut up! Oh what a most bizarre coincidence! We're here! Get in there."

Valkyrie pushed air at Skulduggery, making him stumble inside the room before she stepped inside and shut the door behind her in one sweeping motion.

"Madam Mist! It's a pleasure to see you again!" Valkyrie exclaimed, breaking the tense silence that had descended upon the room as Skulduggery had entered. The Child of the Spider stood from the chair behind her desk and inclined her veiled head towards Valkyrie. Her black dress swirled around her and the smoky tendrils of grey that were woven through the material seemed to writhe as she moved. Her reply was rather stiff. "It is good to see you too, Valkyrie. I'm afraid I can't say the same for you, Detective Pleasant."

"Well, I'm not so happy to-"

Valkyrie elbowed him in his newly acquired stomach. He shot her a glare as she smirked and leaned back against the wall behind her.

"I mean, you called me here. Is there anything you wish to discuss?"

Mist sat down again and folded her pale hands- the only bit of skin visible- together in her lap. "Yes, as a matter of fact, there is something I want to discuss. As you of all people should know, because you were almost given the position yourself, I am now an Elder. As such, I expect to be treated as one. I expect respect, not to be publicly ridiculed as you-"

Skulduggery interrupted. "Come on now, that's not fair, you know full well-"

"Detective Pleasant! I am talking!"

"And I'm not listening!"

"I will not stand for this!" She said indignantly, almost shouting.

"Would you like a seat then?"

"Mr Pleasant! As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I was just going to ask you to do me a few tasks to make up for your earlier actions! But if you insist on arguing in such an uncouth way, then I shall be forced to-"

"Forced to what?" The detective taunted.

Mist looked through a gap in her veil and winked a pale silvery-grey eye at Valkyrie before replying. "I shall be forced to remove your tutelage of young Miss Cain and transfer her to a more competent and responsible guardian!"

The non-existent blood drained out of his fake face and his eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't..."

"Oh, but I would." Mist replied, sneaking a glimpse of Valkyrie who was trying her very hardest to keep herself from breaking a few ribs in her silent laughter. "I have that power now, you are forgetting who you are talking to! All I have to do is drop a few hints that you are steadily losing your mind and that Miss Cain is in danger being near to you. You may be friends with the Grand Mage and the second Elder, but I have heard that they are also quite fond of Valkyrie. They know how unstable you have been since you returned from the Faceless Ones' world and I am quite sure that they wouldn't hesitate to keep her away from you if it meant keeping her safe, now would they?"

Skulduggery stepped backwards, a look of horror on his face, then bowed his head. "Fine, I apologise..." He muttered.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch that." Mist leaned forward in mock expectance.

"I APOLOGISE! Just don't do that, please, I'll do whatever jobs you want me to!"

There was a sudden crash behind them and both Skulduggery and Madam Mist turned in surprise. What they found was Valkyrie who had collapsed on the floor with one arm wrapped around herself, holding her ribs and the other hand covering her mouth as she tried (and failed spectacularly) to hold in her mirth. Taking a look at her, Madame Mist promptly burst out laughing too.

Skulduggery looked between them, bewildered, before comprehension dawned. "You two set this up, didn't you?" They both nodded. He turned to Valkyrie, who was finally getting her composure back. "That was very devious of you. And you're never gonna let me live this down, are you?"

"Nuh uh." She said, shaking her head and waving something red in his face. "I have everything recorded on this so we never forget this moment." She smirked. "And I'm sure that Fletcher, Ghastly and Tanith will love to see this!"

"Ughh!" He groaned. "One last question," He turned to Mist. "Does this mean that there are no jobs that I have to do for you?"

"Oh, there are jobs... And you have already given your consent, which has been recorded, so no excuses!"

Skulduggery Pleasant sighed and looked around himself. "I knew I shouldn't have come to this meeting..."

A/N: Sooo... Did ya like it?

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Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxo