Normally I write short stories, but I thought I'd try something different. This story will end up being 5 or 6 chapters (maybe more?) and I've decided to try and update at least once every two weeks. I will do my best to keep it up!
I don't know if I should put up a warning, but this story is mainly angst.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basket.
I looked up at the building that they called the hospital. I had never liked it before with its stench of disease, disinfectants and most of all death. But since that day I had come to hate the hospital. Every time I had to enter the hospital I put on an imaginary mask. It was to keep myself from falling apart or from going insane. I had lost count of how many times I had dragged myself through these front doors. Usually Kise, Aomine or one of my senpai would go with me when I visited the hospital. It didn't make it less hard to enter the building, but it gave me a bit of strength. However today I had come here on my own. I hadn't been here by myself in quite some time and it seemed harder than usual to put my foot over the threshold.
I took a deep breath and finally carried on my way towards the hospital room that had become too familiar. The door of the room was already open, no need to knock. Without sound I entered the room. I didn't greet Kagami, the only occupant of this room. I was afraid I would start crying if I opened my mouth. Quietly I sat down in the chair beside his bed.
Kagami had just glanced at me as I had entered the room. I was sure he was aware of my emotional state, which was probably why he didn't say anything either.
"Kuroko," Kagami finally said after some time. "The weather seems nice, I want to go outside. Can you take me to the park please?"
"I'll go get a wheelchair," I answered with a small voice. I tried not tearing up. I had promised myself not to cry in front of Kagami. If anyone wanted to cry it should be Kagami. After all, if it hadn't been for me he would never have needed that stupid wheelchair.
Outside in the park the birds were chirping. Announcing it would be spring soon, even though there were no signs of it yet. We walked on silently, the only noises the birds, my footsteps and the sounds of the wheels on the pavement. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought as I pushed Kagami's chair looking at the backside of his head. He was supposed to walk beside me. Or if we couldn't have that, I was the one who should be sitting in that chair.
"Kuroko," Kagami suddenly spoke up interrupting the sounds of nature around us. "There's an empty bench over there, let's take a rest?"
Once again I hold my tears back. Kagami didn't need a break at all, yet he was talking like he needed it more than me. Don't cry, I told myself.
I parked the wheelchair beside the bench, before I took place next to Kagami. Again we both didn't speak. In the distance I could hear children playing now, making me realize the world was moving on as we sat here. The world just keeps on moving without us, because to us the world had ended on that day.
"This morning, the doctors visited me again," Kagami suddenly said.
No. I don't want to hear it.
"They had some test results with them."
Don't say it.
"One of the doctors had this long speech, never saying anything about the results. In the end I yelled at him," Kagami gave a short laugh.
Please don't say it.
"And then they told me the bad news."
Don't confirm what we both already knew from the beginning.
"I'll never walk again," Kagami finally said.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't control them. Kagami would never walk beside me again. I would never again have trouble keeping up with him because he was walking too fast. He would never be standing there outside the locker room, waiting for me to finish changing. I would never play basketball with him again. I would never see Kagami play basketball again. The sight of him jumping on the court, reaching so high and staying in the air for such a long time like gravity had decided to let go of him. I would never see any of it again.
"Kuroko?" Kagami's voice made me turn my head.
What I saw on his face puzzled me. He was smiling.
"Thank you for crying for me," Kagami petted my head as he told me. "To be honest, I haven't cried even once. Doctors told me I should talk with a psychologist. Apparently they think I'm mentally in such a shock I cannot even cry. But I don't feel like crying at all. It's because Kuroko has been crying for me."
I couldn't answer. It was true, I had cried a lot. When Kagami wasn't looking, in the bathroom , on the corridor just outside of his room. Also at home or when I was with Kise or Aomine. I had been crying so much I wondered if I would ever stop. How many tears could a body produce?
"Since that day I already knew I would never walk again," Kagami told me. "The doctors tried to be optimistic, but I could tell from my body. It's frustrating, but I'm glad I could save Kuroko's life."
"It's my fault," finally the truth came out of my mouth. The thing I had been most scared of to put into words. "It's all my fault, I should be in that chair. If only that day I hadn't been selfish. If only I had never asked you to buy me that vanilla ice cream on the way back. If only we had left the department store soon after buying your new shoes."
"Kuroko, I don't blame you."
"I know, " I sniveled. "I know, but I can't stop blaming myself. I'm reliving that day every night. This nightmare just won't end."
Kagami threw his arm around my shoulder. The hug was kind of awkward with the distance of the wheelchair and bench between us, but it felt comforting.
"Kuroko, you need to wake up. The nightmare is already over. Things will change now that I'm bound to this chair, but we're still alive and that's what matters. Both of us, we need to move on with our lives, we can just start over again."
I gave a small nod. Somewhere deep inside me I knew Kagami was right. It was time to move forward. Just like entering this hospital, I just had to walk past that threshold.
How did Kagami end up like this? Find out next chapter what happened!