Claire no longer enjoys peanut butter. She tells herself it's because Aaron is allergic to it and that mothers shouldn't enjoy anything their children are allergic to. But she knows she is lying to herself, especially when she walks past jars and jars of it at the food store and thinks of the ocean and the sand and Charlie's smile. These memories make her feel unwell and unhinged again, so she avoids the aisle when possible.
She doesn't keep it in the house. Instead she keeps deli meat and American cheese and mayo; the combination makes a simple yet satisfying sandwich for Aaron's school lunch. After putting the sandwich in a bright red lunch box, along with a bag of chips, an apple, and a juice box, she hands it to Aaron and gives him a kiss on the cheek before saying, "Goodbye, sweetheart, and really do try to pay attention during the math bits, okay? Then you won't have such a hard time with your homework tonight. Love you."
His reply is nonverbal, a shrug and an almost exasperated look, and it's at this moment that Claire thinks he's too young for such expressions and that Kate would be much better at this whole thing. Maybe she's not cut out for this. Maybe Aaron wishes Kate was still his mother. Maybe the two of them should move away and start over again.
Back to her home. Australia.
But the thought doesn't make her happy like it should, and all at once it's too much to think about. It's on Mondays like this, alone and confused in a very quiet house, when she wishes she had a normal work schedule and could lose herself in everyone's problems but her own.
The phone is on the kitchen table. Claire watches it for a moment, wondering if perhaps she could call her mum for advice. Or Kate. But no, Kate is at work. There's a sudden noise, and for a brief moment she thinks it's the phone ringing at her, telling her to finally pick up and talk to someone, anyone, but the phone is silent. There's someone here.
The doorbell rings again, and through the window she can see a man's shoulder. An uneasy feeling forms in the pit of her stomach like one she's felt too many times before, and she wonders if he's come back for her. They could have lied and told her he was dead because they didn't want her to be crazy anymore. But she still feels crazy, or at least crazy enough to open the door and face her enemy unarmed.
"Claire."
He is not who she is expecting.
Time affects him now. He hasn't changed all that much since last she saw him, no, but time has made its mark faintly around his dark eyes and with the touch of gray in his hair. Though to her, knowing him as little as she does, he has never looked more alive.
"Richard...? Wh-what are you doing here?"
His smile is warm and reassuring. It instantly takes Claire back to the Island. Richard is standing in front of her calmly, that same smile on his face. He's telling her that she can trust him and that he can help her. She's crazy and she won't believe him for anything, screaming, "You have Aaron! Don't lie to me!" But she can't bring herself to shoot him and she doesn't know why.
"I was in the area and thought I'd stop by. See how you were doing. Miles gave me your address..." A pause. He waits for reassurance that it's more than okay he came by, more than okay that he's here. But Claire keeps her silence for now, lets him finish. "I think about you a lot, Claire. I think about...how you were out there. I cared about you then...wanted to help you. I still care."
She doesn't want to talk about it. Doesn't want to think about it.
For a few moments more there's silence between them, the sounds of cars and singing birds from the world outside. Richard knows she's about to ask him to leave, just as she has before, this time without a gun.
"You can come in. But I don't want to talk about the Island. If that's what you're here for, you can leave."
Author's Note: Title comes from the lovely Amel Larrieux song, "No One Else": We have both been broken, bent into painful shapes.
Idea for the Claire/Richard ship came from the season six finale when Richard tries to convince Claire to come with them on the plane. "We could be free of everything he ever did to us and never look back. We can go home. Will you come with us, Claire?" Tell me I'm not the only one who loved the thought of them together after that. They've both been through so much.
I hope you enjoyed the first part. There should hopefully be about two or three parts.