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Fourth Year, very naughty boys.
To my good friend, teenage hormones,
Without you, many of my stories would never exist.
"You, my friend," says Sirius, rubbing his sore left arm, "are a genius."
James smirks and accepts the praise with a tip of his head.
… After a few moments of quiet, James motions for Sirius to move forward. Sirius is more than happy to, of course, being as they were safely hidden under the Invisibility Cloak and they were in the girl's bathroom.
"Really, now, you are a brilliant bloke, didja know that? You knew that, didn't you?"
"Of course."
Silently as possible for two incredibly loud boys, they tip-toed towards the back of the large room to where they could hear showers running. There didn't seem to be anyone around – but why was the water running? - so they resumed their dialogue, feeling somewhat insecure.
For Christ's sake, it was the girl's bath.
"... You know," Sirius broke the silence, "I expected the girl's showers to be a bit more... er..."
"Tidy?"
"Yes, just that." Black's eyes scanned the area, looking over the room, slight comprehension dawning in his eyes. "I didn't think birds were so... um..."
"Messy?"
"Yeah," Sirius says distractedly, his gaze locking on a seemingly innocent article of clothing that was very lacy, blocking out any other train of thought. He wandered over to it and picked it up, walking out of the Cloak's protection. "Who d'you think this belongs to?"
James secretly stopped trying to look for any piece of clothing he'd seen on Evans recently and glanced over at his friend, who was holding a flimsy, peach-coloured brassiere. Sirius noticed the faint blush that was beginning to creep up his friend's neck.
Interesting.
"Why does it matter?"
"Because I would very much like to-"
But whatever Sirius wanted to do to the owner, James never found out - soft, feminine voices drifted into the bath quite suddenly, effectively shutting Sirius up. He bolted back over to James, hiding himself under the Cloak. They gave each other a thumbs up, and waited.
Mary MacDonald was the first to walk into sight, closely followed by Rolanda Hooch and – God help them – Bertha Jorkins.
"Of all the ugliest cows to walk into the bath where we are," muttered Sirius, "we get Porkey-Jorkey. Figures."
James chuckled under his breath and they both averted their eyes from Bertha as she stripped off her size-Large jumper. Now, Hooch and MacDonald weren't bad looking, but while Bertha was in their midst, they both agreed it just wasn't worth the memory cells to spend ogling Jorkins when they could peep on someone like -
"Marlene McKinnon has some killer legs," sighed Sirius appreciatively, while Marley finished taking off her skirt and pantyhose. She was wearing little striped panties that were red, pink and orange, with a little white bow on the front. Sirius nodded, grinning lecherously, and James joined in, though perhaps a little pink himself, as the girl in front of them took off her shirt and unknowingly showed her black sports bra (Marlene McKinnon was on the Quidditch team; Marlene McKinnon kicked arse) to the two boys standing not ten steps away from her.
More showers are running now; the steam in the air is uncomfortable, stifling, and Sirius grunts while James pulls at the collar of his shirt, both panting a bit from the warm, wet air.
As Sirius continued staring at Marley, and James had just noticed that Sirius still held that peach-coloured binding in his hand, a confused voice came from behind them.
"Hey, where's my bra?"
Everything freezes in James' head, Sirius's hand simultaneously clenches the bra as he remembers that he's holding it, and they both wonder at their bad luck – because really, if it had been anyone else, maybe they could've gotten away with it, but no...
They turn, and Lily Evans is standing there, looking right through them, Sirius looking right at her, James trying to look through that towel that is covering her wet, naked body.
Something inside James explodes a little. Something inside Sirius relaxes, and he almost pisses his pants.
Evans glances around irritably, trying but failing to find her undergarment. She turns on the boys and bends over (nearly causing James to moan out loud in the process, and debate killing his best friend for looking), searching for the thing in a pile of randomly assorted clothing. James can see some water droplets slide down the back of her leg as she flexes and bends her muscles; he can see her back, which the towel is refusing to cover no matter how many times she pulls it up again; he can see her hair, which normally is very light and airy, but now, being wet, is a darker shade of red, almost a scarlet, and it is so seducing, so very very appealing to James. The air around him isn't helping either, the heat amplifying that sensation that he's still getting used to, that feeling in the pit of his stomach that slowly stretches out to his limbs and somewhere, something starts to ache a bit.
His mouth goes dry and he licks his lips, trying to burn the image of Lily Evans bending over, getting on her knees -
Sirius casually throws the peachy thing on a chair in the corner.
"C'mon, we need to get out of here," he hisses quietly, "Evans could be onto us any second now – c'mon, c'mon -"
Sirius starts to pull the paralyzed boy from the corner, pushing him towards the door which promises crisp air and clear thoughts, and just as they reach the door and they think they are safe, that same, shrewd voice says "didn't I put that over here, on the bleacher?"
James looks back one last time, to see Evans holding her bra, looking intently at the door which him and Sirius were exiting. Her gaze held to his eyes, and although she couldn't see him, he knew that she had already guessed how.
Five minutes later, on the a floor above the girl's bath, the boys stood behind a statue of the one-eyed witch, panting a bit. James slid the Cloak off and tucked it into his trousers, while Sirius leaned up against the corridor wall, the beginnings of a grin showing on his handsome face.
"I don't s'pose you'd want to do that again, would you?" James asks sarcastically, feeling a tad regretful (and perhaps a bit disturbed) at the evenings antics.
"I'm up for a second round," Black's grin spreads, "although that was very interesting... research. And I'm not talking about the birds," he adds vaguely.
"Oh?"
"Oh-ho," replies Black, sounding bored (though the grin suggested otherwise), "what I have painstakingly found out, after long and careful observation, is that mad old Prongs here," Sirius slings an arm around James, his grin becoming more pronounced, "fancies himself an Evans bird!"
James hits his friend on the left arm ("Again? Merlin, so violent!"), they both walk down towards the Great Hall, each agreeing that they could use a plate of something delicious from the kitchens.
"Oi, Padfoot?"
"Yeah?"
"I'd like you to tell Harry about how you got me and Lil together -" James picks up the little boy with a tuft of jet-black hair and places him on his lap, "since it was you who made me realize how I felt about her and all, I figured maybe you're the best one to tell him about it."
"Merlin, James. He's not even old enough to poop in a toilet."
"Humour me."
Sirius takes a bite of his sandwich - Lily had made them both one before she'd gone out on that visit with Alice and Marley – and watches Harry carefully. The boy is nearly one, and has Lily's shrewd, green eyes that James loves, that perpetually ruined head of hair from his father and Sirius thinks to himself, 'I had a hand in that, didn't I?'
"Okay, kid," he puts down his sandwich, wiping his mouth daintily on his silk napkin, "I'll tell you how I got your mum and dad shagging. It involved the girl's bathroom and a lot of sneaking around - "
"You know on second thought -"