Foreword from the author:

Bikini Bottom; home to bottom-feeders and winners, to old and young, pretty and ugly. A home for those who don't cut it in the other cities. We like to think of ourselves as normal. We go to work, work-out, drive, send our kids to school, and enjoy time with our friends and family. We have problems. We have triumphs. And we try to be good to others.

These things make us think we're normal. But our sense of normality comes from the wrong people. Specifically, people. If you compared us to our gilled brethren, we'd be nothing short of incredible.

For a time, we didn't think much of the difference between us and normal fish. If anything, they were behind us. They were the abnormal ones. It was only after we saw that our behavior resembled the people on the surface more than the people of the sea that we began to challenge previous notions. We thought of ourselves as a highly advanced civilization, capable of reaching the stars themselves, just like the surface-dwellers. Some thought that we were better than them, considering the fact that the surface-people were predisposed to conflict. And then there were people who only saw as the unwanted product of their greatest folly. To these people, we were abominations, nothing more than creatures of scum and evil. Our existence was to be pitied by the people who created us. The people who held these views often couldn't handle their own revelations, so their lives were often cut short by their own fins. Most of us ignored these people.

I could go on and on about the strangeness of Bikini Bottom, but from what I've learned about humans, holding your interest in the concerns of many is a hard thing to do. No, you respond more the story of an individual, especially one who has faced adversity. Your sympathy for this individual only doubles when you learn that he or she has come out on top. So I've decided to take this route. This is the story of my capture, my imprisonment, my unwarranted punishment, and ultimately the hell that I faced. However, to make this story more interesting for you, I will add one twist.

I did not come out on top. I did not come home and write a story of my plight, only for it to become a bestseller and elevate me to the ranks of celebrities. I never saw any of this. Instead, I only received awkward silence, followed by complete abandonment by the people I called friends, the people who I had once depended on. These people can't look me in the eye anymore. They only see the scars, the pain in my eyes, and the very thought of talking to me scares them. I thought I had escaped from Hell, but I've learned that Hell isn't so much of a place than it is a state of being. Even though I left my prison, Hell's followed me like an assassin follows a target. Instead of dealing one final shot, it prefers to slowly kill me. Hell doesn't want to claim a living victim, only a breathing corpse, void of life. And from there, it'll only follow me into the afterlife. This is my final act. Life, or what I've begun to call life, is ending for me, and I want a legacy that'll last, one that'll teach future generations of your evil. But you get to read it first. Learn from it. Maybe then you will begin to realize the silent evils you commit each and every day. One can only hope for the salvation of each and every one of you, but I doubt it. Your chances at redemption are as close as my chances of living to see your downfall. But don't worry; I will watch from the depths of the lake of fire, and I will enjoy every second of it.

-Spongebob Squarepant

The Krusty Krab

May 3rd, 2006

The day started off like any other, with me getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, feeding my snail and leaving for work. My daily commute isn't long, only a few minutes of walking, usually accompanied by my friend and co-worker, Squidward Tennis-Balls (his name has been altered for privacy). And, like most days, it was beautiful. Just another day of my blissful existence.

Mr. Krabs, my boss, approached me as I walked through the door, "Spongebob, me boy! I need ya to clean out the fryer! And hurry it up, why don't you?"

Like a good worker, I attended to the problem immediately, and I cleaned the damn thing just enough to make it shine.

After I finished cleaning the grill our first customer appeared. He was the first of many customers who appeared that morning. I prepared myself by taking out the ingredients: two bottles of ketchup, one bottle of mayonnaise, two bottles of mustard, seven whole tomatoes, three heads of lettuce, and five whole onions. I took out my spatula. My heart beat with a familiar adrenaline as I flipped the patties, embracing the sizzle they gave off.

I spent the next five or six hours enjoying the monotony of my job. After cleaning the grill, I decided that a lunch break was necessary. After getting permission from Mr. Krabs, I walked out the door with my lunch.

I decided to have lunch in Jellyfish Fields, my favorite place to get away. As I walked into the field, I noticed that I was not alone. Mind you, the person who followed me was no threat: he was just a kid.

He took out his net and began to jellyfish. A particular jellyfish caught his attention; a plump, blue one. I was familiar with these jellyfish, having a similar interest in them. Blue jellyfish were notoriously hard to catch. They were known for being cunning, almost to the point of being devious. I chuckled as I saw him swing wildly at the jellyfish, with each passing swing followed by an even angrier face.

I finished my lunch and sat back, enjoying the weather. The sun beat down on my face, but it was tempered by a gentle breeze. The gentle symphony of jellyfish buzzing, along with the wind, was the only sounds I could hear. The kid was very quiet, and I can only assume that he was also taking in the beauty that Neptune had given us.

I decided to take a nap. I had a fairly long lunch break, so why not? I laid down on the blanket that I brought along and closed my eyes. After I awoke I noticed that the kid was nowhere to be seen. I assumed that he had found something better to do. I checked my watch and realized that I had only slept fifteen minutes, so I deliberately walked back to work.

I was about three blocks away from The Krusty Krab when I saw the very same kid that was at Jellyfish Fields. I yelled out "Hi!" and was about to continue on when I realized what he was playing with.

They were grey, some rusting and some in pristine condition. Each one was held by string. Their origin seemed heavenly, since they came from the skies. But their purpose was anything but heavenly. Some had bits of bait, ranging from worm carcasses to bits of cheese, while the others concealed nothing. No matter what was at their pointy ends, to the experienced eye, they were hooks. And the kid was taking the bait.

I dropped everything and rushed towards him, "Get away from the hooks! Go! Run!"

He gave me a blank stare and continued to nibble the snack that he grabbed from the hook. I saw the string that held the hook begin to wobble. The kid didn't have much time.

I did what needed to be done. I pushed the kid aside. He got a tiny bruise on his left fin, maybe a cut there as well. I got hooked by my belt loop.

I had been hooked before, but had escaped. I wasn't so lucky this time. If I had unhooked myself, I would've fallen to my death. But Neptune only knew what waited for me up top. I took a deep breath and did my best to savor every moment of life I had in me.

The line went faster. I began to see the outline of a boat. I only had seconds left. I closed my eyes.

"Goodbye."

Written by: Ink Spot

(Sorry if this depressed you. Honestly, it'll only get worse.)