Luikaki: This story follows after "Drunk Envy", but you don't need to read that for any of this to make sense…if any of this makes sense. (All you really need to know is that Al's in his human body here.)

Parodies: It won't be noticeable until later, but this is a mix between The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and King of Queens. (I own nothing!)

Prologue

It's been two years, but Al still goes to therapy after accidentally seeing Ed and Envy on their bedroom floor doing things no one should ever see. The three of them plus Wrath, Gluttony, Rose and herson have moved to Risembool to freeload off Pinako and Winry for a while. Yeah, it's a tight squeeze but Gluttony sleeps outside and Ed and Envy don't mind sleeping in the basement together.

The therapist held Al's hand tightly. "Calm down. You can talk about it when you feel comfortable."

Al sniffled. "I don't think I can take this anymore!" He wiped his eyes.

"It's been two years…"

"Yes, I know, but…" Al bit his lip. "They're planning on getting married!"

The therapist tried to look at the bright side. She smiled weakly. "This should be a joyous occasion!"

Al returned the weak smile. "Yeah, that's right! They're both my brothers! I should be more supportive!" Then he paused. "What am I saying!"

The therapist patted Al's head. "Yes, I know this is quite unusual, but … wow, I've got nothing else. Wait, how is this Envy related to you exactly?"

"Well, Dad's about four hundred years old and in his first body, I think, he had Envy with a woman named Dante. But Envy died and Dad brought him back as a homunculus. So technically, Envy is our dead half-brother."

The therapist stared blankly at Al. "Yeah, that's quite a story…Would you mind taking something to help you relax?"

"What's that mean?"

The therapist got up, left to another room, and then she came back with a tranquilizer. Al started screaming, "NO! Not again!" He ran out of the room as fast as possible. He ran and ran all the way back home.

Winry was at the front yard watering the grass. When she saw Al speeding towards her, she asked, "This one didn't help either?"

"No!" Al stopped to catch his breath. "They never believe me for some reason!"

Just then, a mailman on a bike with a girly bag came up to them. "Letter for Ms. Envy," he said in a gay voice. "Oh, what a lovely name!"

Winry gave him a disturbed look. She reluctantly took the letter from him and read the addresses. "It's from the late Fuhrer?" she wondered aloud. Then she yelled with a harsh voice: "ENVY! Get over here!"

Envy came running from the house, pissed off, messy hair, and a very noticeable hickey on his side. "Damn it, woman!" he shrieked at Winry. "You always pick the worse freakin' time!"

"Goodness," the mailman gasped, putting a hand over his mouth. "I should be off." He started peddling away.

"You have no right to yell at me!" Winry yelled back. "You're living at my house, remember? Here's your stupid mail." She shoved the letter into Envy's hands.

Envy tore at the envelope and read the letter inside: "Dear Ms. Envy…idiots…death of King Bradley…yeah, I know…no relatives." Envy's eyes widened as he read the following sentence: "According to our knowledge, you, Mr. Wrath and Mr. Gluttony are the late Fuhrer's closest relatives, entitling you his estate and all his money."

"What?" Winry shrieked. "Why didn't you tell us you guys were loaded!" Now she felt retarded for being so bitchy towards Envy all the time.

"Does that mean you guys will have to move back to Central?" Al asked, a little too relieved.

Then Ed came out of the house only with a towel around his waist. "Envy why do you always make me wait?" he whined. Al had to turn away.

"I'm wanted back at Central," Envy said. "But screw it, I'll never leave you, honey!" He peck Ed on his forehead. Then Envy caught a glimpse at the amount of money he'd get from the Fuhrer. "Holy crap! Look at all those zeroes!" Envy squealed, then hugged the letter. "I'll go get Wrath and Gluttony!" He dashed into the house.

"But…" Ed said sadly, "we didn't even get to finish…"

That did it. Images of Ed and Envy doing it on the floor flashed in Al's mind. He started screaming uncontrollably and ran into the house. Envy and the other homunculi saw him run to his room, and they were quite amused.

As soon as the homunculi exit the house, Envy comments, "Al so needs to get laid." He nudged Winry and added, "Go for it, girl!"

"Shut up," Winry growled.

Ed was sad. He wrapped his arms around Envy. "But you can't leave like that! At least wait for Rose and Pinako to come back so we can all say good-bye."

"Don't worry, baby," Envy said. "Once you get Pinako's permission, we'll—oh, there's our cab!"

A cab came out of seemingly nowhere and the homunculi got into it and drove off. "What the hell?" Ed shrieked. "Where'd that come from?"

Luikaki: Gasp! How long will Ed and Envy be apart?