My Guitarist

by xx shadowdreamer

I heard a silence on the other end, letting me have time to recollect myself. ‘Then make your own ending.’ [Gabriella Drabble.][Oneshot.][Implied Troyella.]

Title: My Guitarist
Author: xx shadowdreamer
A/N: This isn't actually a one-shot. More like a drabble. And I was originally going to make this a two-shot, but I have no idea how I can make it a two-shot. If you have any ideas though, I would gladly appreciate them. But until then, this will remain a one-shot.

---

September 2, 2007- In my room.

Dear Diary,

I feel like crap.

Squished, stepped-on crap.

Yes, I mean figuratively since there is no way how I know how squished crap feels like, nor do I want to, but this entry is not based on that. No way is it based on that. It's something that happened today during lunch.

Remember how Michael moved to New York, right? And it's not like I wanted him to, I really didn't want him to at all, but he was my boyfriend, and I just had to stick by him wherever he went, even though he is living thousands of miles away from me already.

Oh god.

UGH. It's not happening is it?

I just said '…but he was my boyfriend.'

I said was!

I'm not supposed to say was, he is still my boyfriend

What Taylor said can't be true, it just can't! IT CAN'T!!! Maybe I should take you back to lunch, that way you'd understand so much more.

Okay it started when I just got out of class and Troy and I were walking out together towards our usual table, where I found Sharpay eating a batch of Zeke's cookies, Kelsi writing down a bunch of notes on a piece of paper, Chad spinning a basketball on his finger, Ryan eating his lunch while he held a conversation with Jason, and Taylor sitting down reading a book as she munched on a nutrition bar. The usual… right? Well, that's what I thought as Troy and I sat down next to each other and opened our lunch.

"So Tay, what happened in your book so far? Has Jack confessed his un-dying love for Mel already?" I asked casually, knowing Taylor had been reading that book for a while already. I looked up and saw her shaking her head slightly, reluctantly glancing up from her book.

"I'm not reading that book today. I finished that one last night. This one happens to be about this girl whose boyfriend moved away all of a sudden, and she promises him that she would never find anyone else other than him, but along the way she falls in love with a guitarist." Taylor stated with a smile. She seemed so worked up about the book, but it wasn't that part that got to me, the part that got to me was her comment after.

"It's so scary how true their information about long distance relationships are." Taylor blurted out, obviously not remembering I had a boyfriend across the country.

"Psh," she snorted. "Everyone knows that long distance relationships don't work, I mean, the same thing happens all the time. One of them eventually gets tired of waiting for the other person, and eventually finds someone else to love, in this case the guitarist…"

I heard her voice become softer as she said it, and I swear I could feel the color drain out of my face. I guess everyone noticed since everyone was staring at Taylor with wide eyes, well, not that I was paying attention to everyone else, I was too busy letting the words sink into my head. It was Troy that told me about it when he had tried to calm me down outside in the hallway, and he also said it with a laugh, like it was so funny, but I didn't think so. Well, not at the time anyway.

He was all like, "Don't listen to Taylor. She was just… letting herself believe the book more than she should. It's just a book Gabs, just a book."

But I, well at the time, was way too busy thinking about her words. One of them eventually gets tired of waiting for the other person, and eventually finds some else to love… Thinking, 'Oh god. What if Michael finds someone else to love? Holy cow… what if he cheats on me? Oh gods no, please no!'

It wasn't until now that I think of it, something was different in Troy's voice. I don't know, he seemed reluctant to say those words, and when he said '…just a book.' It seemed like…he didn't want to say that. Or maybe it's because he had eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. I know he doesn't usually eat those unless his mom packs them for him, and he doesn't even finish them. He just gives them to me and says, 'Here, eat up. You'll get skinny.' which I find oddly adorable. And then sometimes he even tries to feed it to me when I refuse to eat it, and he rips the sandwich in pieces and and feed it to me one by one and…

Uh oh.

I'm not supposed to be doing this.

No. I don't like Troy.

I don't like Troy.

I have a boyfriend.

I don't like Troy.

I don't like Troy.

I don't like Troy.

I don't like Troy.

I don't like Troy.

I don't like Troy.

UGH.

Damn it!

I can't stop thinking about him.

And he's the reason why I feel like crap.

Oh right. I haven't told you the rest.

So, I was in the hallway, still worrying about that stupid thing Taylor said right? And then after five minutes of rambling about how Taylor could have been right, I hear this long frustrated groan coming from Troy, and being the stupid I totally blew up screaming, "You are supposed to be my best friend! You're supposed to help me with this!"

And you have no idea how much I regret saying that now because he answered, "Damn it Gabriella! I can't!"

And I remember the events that happened like the back of my hand. I remember screaming, "Why not, Troy?!"

It wasn't long before I felt Troy's lips on my own, and I remembered that I snaked my hands around his arms, as he pressed me against the lockers slowly. Gabriella Montez kissing East High's basket-ball captain.

But that's not the worst part, the worst part is when he pushed himself off me, and I looked into his eyes, but they weren't the same shade of blue anymore. They were dark and mysterious. Something I wasn't used to, and of course, being me, I just stood there waiting for him to say something, and when he finally did all he said was, "Because of that."

I expected at least a 'Sorry, caught up in the moment.' or something! But now that I think of it, there was no moment. Well, not that kind of moment, anyway. And the worst thing about that is that… I didn't want him to say sorry. I mean, oh yeah, he made me feel like poop for kissing someone other than my current boyfriend who I claim to love, but… that kiss was just so…so…

Oh god.

Kill me now please.

PLEASE.

I'm begging already.

Maybe if I go to sleep, Freddy Kruger would kill me in my dreams…

UGH. Now I'm talking non-sense!

But somehow, I think that maybe, I might be doubting my relationship with Michael.

Wait.

I CAN'T DOUBT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYFRIEND.

That goes against so many of my morals.

So many that it's hard to count.

Okay, maybe one moral, but still!

And this is why I am sitting on my bed, writing in this useless diary that will only keep my feelings on paper, and will do no good whatsoever. No offense. I mean, you are kind of useless. They had to cut down trees to make you, and you do no good except that you're that you help me vent, but I don't matter. I'm just a piece of crap on your grass. Figuratively speaking, of course. Partly because you don't have grass, and a dog so there wouldn't be a valid reason as to why poop would be on your lawn. And I'm pretty sure you don't have a digestive system stored between your pages, so you wouldn't be able to do that. Then again, I'm pretty sure you have enough self-preservation not to poop on your lawn.

UGH.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm talking to a lifeless book.

I'm seriously talking to a lifeless book.

That goes to show how much depression can affect a girl.

DAMN YOU, DEPRESSION!

And now I am sitting on my bed as my eyes are slightly blurring my vision because of my tears.

DAMN YOU, TEARS!

UGH.

I need to stop blaming this on the world.

I brought this upon myself.

I was the one that said we should still date.

I was the one that said I loved him.

I'm the one that is such a worry wart.

I was the one that fell in love with Troy.

…

I didn't write that. I swear to Sharpay's new shoe collection I did not write that. Did I?

…

Okay, fine, I wrote that… but do I mean it?

Do I really mean it?

I mean, is it just the same thing I felt towards Michael?

I'm so confused, diary.

You have no idea how confused I am.

Why can't you be a living thing that talks to me, instead of me talking to you without a response?

It's like what I'm saying is going through one ear, and coming out the other.

AH.

There I go again!

You don't have a dang ear!

Being depressed is so frustrating.

Why can't this be as easy as… microwave popcorn?

I mean, you pop in into a microwave, and it pops, and it… turns into… corn?

Oops. Wrong analogy.

How about… never mind. I can't think of one.

UGH.

I can't even think anymore!

What is wrong with me!

This is worse than being the freaky-math girl.

But I mean, seriously diary. My life is completely ruined. Who knew so much could happen during one stupid lunch?

And it had to be today's lunch too!

Well, it wouldn't matter really, but still. Why does it have to happen when I'm practically in the same predicament as that book?

Wait, maybe I should call Taylor to ask what happens at the end. Maybe she's done with it.

I never thought that the rest of my social life would depend on a book that some author wrote.

A book.

Hold on.

I think I'm going to call Tay.

-----

Okay, so I'm back from calling Taylor, and luckily, she was done with the book.

But you know what?

SHE WOULDN'T TELL ME THE ENDING.

I rambled on about how that ending could be the solution to my problems, and she was all like, 'What problems?'

And I couldn't tell her. She would be all like, 'I told you he liked you.'

Which is partly true, since she had been telling me since the day I got to East High that Troy had a crush on me. But I never listened, even though I knew Taylor was the smartest girl in school, and that includes things about boys too.

I'm telling you, she knows everything.

And I was all like, 'Taylor! I can't tell you right now. I just need to know, please.'

And I was so sure she would finally give up and tell me, but all she said was… 'Read the book.'

Read the book. She expects me to read the book. I need these stupid problems to go away now, and I'm not going to read a freaking 300 page book. I'm not that patient you know.

So I didn't give up and I said, 'Taylor, please. You have no idea how much I need to know the ending. Please. I need a friend right now.'

I was so close to crying that time, remembering the last time I said 'friend'. Right before my life became so messed up.

I heard her sigh, and thought Yes! She's going to tell me! But my instincts haven't done me any good lately, which explains why all she said was, 'I am being your friend, and you do not need a book to tell you how to solve your problems.'

And I couldn't give up there. I knew she had so much more to say to me than that.

'But Tay, you have no idea how much my life relates to that book right now.'

And then all she said was, 'Gabs. You need to listen to me when I say, 'I know.'

I was so shocked when she had said that. I mean, I haven't told her about what happened with Troy at the hallway, did she?

She hasn't read this diary, right?

I mean, the part when I said I fell in love with Troy.

… Maybe she's psychic!

UGH.

Not again.

Okay back to the conversation.

I didn't answer that, since I knew better than to, and she continued.

'I saw what happened with Troy. I wanted to know what was wrong so I followed you two out. Then I saw… the kiss.'

And there was a pause, and I couldn't let there be a pause. I knew she had more to say, I needed to know what she wanted to say after that.

'Oh.'

That was all I said, but that's what most people say when they want to hear more.

'Gabriella, you don't need a book to help you.'

And I was like… 'TAYLOR! You said you knew how similar my life is to that book right now. And I don't have the book with me so I can't read the ending!!!'

I heard a silence on the other end, letting me have time to recollect myself.

'Then make your own ending.'

And she hung up on me.

She hung up on me.

What am I supposed to make out of 'Then make your own ending.'?

Am I supposed to write one right now, because I can tell you how it would end up. It would end up like this:

Gabriella Montez pondered about what to do after her kiss with Troy Bolton in the hallway. She placed her head in her hands and let out a frustrated groan, and pondered even more.

Then she pondered even more.

And then she did that again.

And before she knew it… BAM!

Everything fell into place.

She was finally sitting on her bed sobbing, with nothing but a diary that has no point to life.

See?

That's how it would end, and to tell you the truth, I think that's going to be how everything will end.

How sad is that?

What am I supposed to do? All I want is one sign. One sign that everything will be fine, and I'll find a way to d fix everything. One sign that will tell me what I need to do. One sign! That's all I ask for!

Okay so option one would be: To tell Troy I'm sorry, and that I never meant to kiss him, and never tell Michael.

Option two: To break-up with Michael and end up with no one.

Option three: To break-up with Michael and be with Troy.

This is going to be hard.

Well…

Let's think about the two.

Michael: He's smart. Funny. Brave- well at least brave enough to ask me out. Good looking.

Troy: He's funny, and always has some cheesy joke up his sleeve. Sympathetic, yet still able to think of himself. He's always there. When you need a helping hand, you can always turn to him without fear of putting you down because he can understand that people aren't always the same. He knows what he wants, and he will fight for it; perseverance. But he also knows when to give up. He knows when to just stop, and when enough is enough. Strong. Not just muscle wise either. He can take criticism and turn them into positive energy no matter what it is. Even when you tell him he has dumb jokes, and he simply says 'And that's what makes them funny!' He's got these blue-eyes that can lure almost anyone in. He is unpredictable. Someone who's mind works for hours, and no matter how much you tinker with it, it's always been set to one thing, and one thing only. He's smart. And not just academically wise either. He knows how to be able to fix problems; problems that aren't even his. He knows how to control himself, just like how he put a fake face on whenever I talk about Michael and me. And those abs he has…

Holy cow, diary.

How can I be so stupid all this time?

WHY AM I SO STUPID SOMETIMES DIARY???

I need an answer to that question. An answer would be the best thing for that question, since after all this time…

I didn't know I was in love with Troy Bolton.

Gabriella Montez loves Troy Bolton.

I think… I've actually known that. Even before I dated Michael…

I was just too blind to know see it.

DANG IT, DIARY! I don't want glasses! (Figuratively speaking, again.)

I should've known.

I should've figured it out a long time ago.

Now that I think of it, Troy was actually the only one that was always there for me. Always.

When it was my 17th birthday, Michael didn't show up and he called me at the end of my party that he couldn't make it, and everyone else had left and I was all alone except for Troy. He stuck around to help me clean the living room. He stuck around to help me calm down. He stuck around to carry me up to my room when I had fallen asleep on my couch. He stuck around when I woke up, finding him in my bed with me. It was his face that I saw that day. And it was his jacket wrapped around me when I woke up.

And the time when these cheerleaders were bullying me about hanging out with the basketball captain, and how he would never be friends with a geek like me. He was the one that reassured me that they were wrong. He was that one that skipped basketball practice to stay with me at home and let me vent. He was the one that made his famous 'Troy Bolton' smoothie to help me calm down.

And… he was the one I was thinking about when Michael had first asked me out.

So…

I've been cheating on Michael this whole time?

Well, not really, but technically speaking.

Now I feel even worse.

When does this pain end diary?
When?

If not, how do I make it end?

Things happen for reasons, am I right?

Well, if they do, what good would come out of this one? What would exactly happen after I make a decision, and would I keep wondering 'what if'?

Do I really want to take a risk?

All these questions, and I need one answer. Troy or Michael? Which one really belongs in my heart?

Doesn't my life sound like some cliché story? It's just… weird. I've never imagined myself in this situation… ever. I don't think any girl has, to be quite honest. No girl wants to be stuck in between a heart and a mind. A heart; to listen to it, and be with the one who you love. A mind; to be loyal.

Troy is my heart. I know for sure that he is the one I'm supposed to be with. The one I know who would always be there for me no matter what. The person that would help me through everything.

I, honestly, could say that I was stupid for not realizing it earlier.

Troy is the one I love.

Troy is the one who loves me.

Troy… is my guitarist.