i'm not exactly sure what lead me to write this but anyways enjoy
Sometimes she swears she can feel something other than pain.
She pays someone to torture her till she cries. She feels the tears roll down her cheeks and that feeling of wholeness.
Sometimes she swears.
He stops when she has had enough and lays her on the ground. He gets up to leave, only to be stopped.
She looks up at him with tears in her eyes and begs for more pain.
He never once made her endure a second beating in the same night. She lets him slip through her fingers because she knows he's tired of it.
Sometimes she dreams of a love that never was.
She imagines that Wonderland exists where she isn't the only different one. She wishes happiness was so easy to find.
Every minute of the day, she wants him to come, not to hurt her, but to comfort her.
Every day, she hates the pain she craves so much.
She presses the blade to her wrist. The initial pain, then the ephermeral wonder, later the inevitable shame and guilt.
Sometimes she swears this is the only way to feel something other than nothing.
She looks at her reflection in the mirror and wonders when everything will fall into its right place.
She sees her somber eyes and wonders when the pain will end.
She paints flowers but they all decay. She tries to bring life but ends up bringing death.
Run from life. Live in an empty existence. That was always the plan.
She looks out the window and ponders when she'll be tired of this life. She dreams for the day he will come.
She closes her eyes and envisions the life that exists in a nonexistent alternate universe; the life she wished she had.
One portrait after the other of the same person. She spends all her time drawing that one wonderful person who will make everything better.
He is the only one who can make her feel happy, sad, lonely, and scared all at the same time. An overcrowing of emotions. It hits her all at once because she kept them locked away.
She finds herself in love. It is overwhelming at first to take the breath of life. An unfamiliar but warm feeling.
Every Kiss. Every Touch. She sees the colors emerging and paints herself a beautiful melody that never was.
It took her years to build those walls but the real dangers were inside. He wipes away her tears and looks deep in her eyes. He holds her close and tries to fix her broken heart.
She dries her eyes. The walls are coming down. She smiles because happiness has finally come to her. This is the start of a new life.
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