Bellamy woke up startled, a bit disoriented, and when he looked around his surroundings, he let out a breathy sigh. He was lying on the floor of his tent. The nightmares again. They were slowly eating him from the inside out. The guilt he felt was surely going to consume him- all of him, until there was nothing left. At the moment he just felt like giving up; he didn't have the strength or the courage anymore to face another day on Earth. Why was life so hard, so difficult?
Why can't he stop counting the graves? They were just kids! They relied on him and now they are gone. Why?
Bellamy couldn't take the pain anymore. It was too much to bare! It was gut wrenching... The pain and guilt he felt was all consuming and it was surely going to destroy him. All those kids who had died… they looked up to him and put their faith in him- their lives were his responsibility. He was supposed to protect them from harm. And now they're dead. Dead!
As a tear rolled down his cheek, Bellamy got up on his feet with much difficulty. He knew that it was unwise- very unwise to get up. He was badly injured by one of Anya's men not so long ago, but he just needed to get out. Right now…
"God, I hate those grounders!" he growled, as his hand landed on the spot where he was brutally stabbed.
"Just an inch and the knife would've pierced through your heart, Bellamy. You're lucky, you know that?" Clarke told him.
'Lucky. Lucky my ass!' Bellamy thought.
The blonde was most of the time a huge pain in the ass, but even he had to admit that she was a very good healer.
Bellamy grabbed one of the crutches and walked slowly out of his tent. It was late at night, and most of the kids were asleep, aside from the ones who had guard duty. He looked around and carefully made his way out of camp.
"Bellamy. What are you doing up?" he heard from behind him.
Jasper. Ugh! Bellamy gritted his teeth out of annoyance, because he was busted. Jasper walked around him and stood right in front him.
"What are you doing, Bellamy? You should stay in your bed, you know that."
"I need some air. Now get out of my way, Jasper!" Bellamy threatened his voice low and his eyes throwing deadly glares at the boy.
"Clarke is not gonna be happy 'bout this. She's gonna be pissed when she finds out that you're acting careless, running around camp. Clarke stitched you up and now you…" Jasper began, but Bellamy angrily shoved him away with one hand and walked into the woods.
"I don't give a shit of what the princess thinks!" Bellamy huffed and disappeared into the darkness.
Jasper rolled his eyes and muttered." Stubborn, that's what you are, Bellamy."
He got back on his feet and walked towards a certain blonde's tent.
Before calling out to her, Jasper grunted. "She is so going to kick Bellamy's ass for this!"