(DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, I don't own the characters the plot not even the costumes (although I wish I did) however I was the one who bothered to write it all down so I guess I win)

Welcome to The Boosh Book of Fairy tales, we all know how the story goes but for those who don't want to read the original read the Booshiest and the Best…iest. We start with an obvious and a classic choice Cinderella (I know it lacks originality but lay off) anyway enjoy

Moonerella Part 1

Once upon a time….

Howard was tired, so very very tired in the past 12 hours everything terrible has happened and all he wanted to do was to go into a Jazz trance and then possibly go to the pub but no. He had so many things he had to deal with; Vince had twisted his ankle from running in too tight drainpipes and too high heels, Bollo and Naboo had gone crazy on a lad's night with the shaman council so they were so magically and spiritually hung over, Bob had decided that he would be Vince's nurse which meant every five minutes Vince would cry for help and to top it all off the shop was so busy because everyone was queuing to see Lester the magical head (he wasn't by the way). So Howard was run off his feet serving everyone. For example…

"Is your ankle better Vincey? Maybe if I gave you a foot rub it might help,"

"HOWARD!"

"Shut up Vince Bollo no feel good Bollo,"

"If you say I gotta bad feeling about this one more time Bollo, I will have to turn my back on you, Howard where's my tea?"

"Well it all happened when a Honky Shaman cut my head clean off my beautiful black body…"

"Does that feel better?"

"HOWARD! HELP ME!"

"Ugh where Bollo inhaler? Howard?"

"Howard I said no sugar I need a black one make me another one,"

"And then when I was lying on the lawn I heard a groany man say…"

And so on. Howard was panting and sweating, he didn't have any time for himself any more stationary village had been left unattended for nearly a week and those pencils don't colour-coordinate themselves. He even thought he saw a customer play with the paperclips, he could have died.

3 o'clock the shop was finally empty, Vince had limped his way down the stairs and heaved himself onto the counter next to Howard who was clinging to his tea like a frightened tiger.

"Alright?" Vince said cautiously

"No, I have had no sleep since we came back from the doctor and I-" They both stopped and stared at the woman who had just walked in, she was glammed up to the seventies it was like the lord Ziggy himself had just walked into their tiny pathetic shop. Vince had to stop himself from throwing himself onto the floor and saying "we are not worthy," The woman practically had lights and dramatic music everywhere she went, Howard was captivated but she took no notice of him she waltzed up to Vince and handed him an invitation and then waltzed back out.

"Wow" Vince was reading it

"What?" Howard was glancing over his shoulder

"There's going to be this fantastic party at The Velvet Onion tonight, everyone who's anyone is invited and it's a 1970's masked ball imagine that, I got to tell Leroy about this he's gonna love this," He reached for his mobile "Yeah Leroy it's me yeah have you gotten an invite? Yeah! It's gonna be awesome" He limped off with great difficulty because he still insisted on wearing his boots instead of those rubbish orthopaedic ones. Naboo and Bollo came down the stairs

"Should we go? I mean I can get a hangover cure from Tony,"

"Bollo got a bad feeling about that,"

"Yeah you're right," They walked out the door without even noticing Howard was there. Bob raced down the stairs

"Hey Moon where's Vincey? I need an outfit for the party I would ask you but your not going are you?"

"What but I don't…" Howard was hurt

"It said everyone who's anyone and that obviously excludes you oh there he is VINCEY!" Vince turned around and screamed at the fat man running towards him like a horny grey thing? You know the one.

Howard took it in his stride, he sat on his stool and told himself that Monsoon Moon doesn't need to party no sir, that beautiful girl was only just another one that got away… there's a reason he's called Monsoon Moon and it's because when he cries good god does he cry. He sat there for a good hour everyone just left without him. Naboo and Bollo went to all the other Shamen to cure the hangover they were all sharing and Bob carried Vince to Leroy's so they could get ready together.

Howard was on his own when he saw a big bright light it just got brighter and brighter until Howard thought he had gone blind.

"Hello Howard"

"Oh god not you," there in all his glory was the green tutu wearing scaly man fish the worst man fish that Howard had the misfortune of coming across.

"I'm Old Gregg,"

"Please don't I'm not in the mood,"

"You treat me like dirt Howard, you put me in a wheelbarrow you say you love me but then you steal my pet Funk and leave me," Gregg was strutting around looking at all the things in the shop

"Yeah I know Gregory and I'm sorry now go awa-,"

"No you're not," Gregg interrupted "I know this because I know you,"

"No you don't"

"Yes I do we had all those times together the boat times don't you think I know something about you by now Howard? I know you want to go to that ball,"

"Well you can know all you like it's not going to help me,"

"I've moved on from watercolours,"

"Good for you Gregory,"

"I do magic now," there was a pause; Gregg smiled at Howard as he pulled out a wand which looked like it was a cheap toy from Woollies. "I'm Old Gregg,"

"What kind of magic?" Howard finally said.

"The kind you want, I can get you a dress a car and a driver."

"O.k. what do you want from me?"

"That's a question you don't want me to answer, but I will I need a head, 10 cans of spray paint, a bottle of baileys, a cardboard box and a kiss," while Gregg was saying the list Howard was rushing about the shop collecting all the things Gregg needed until he said the last one. He stopped and thought about it and grabbed Lester

"Ow what are you doing honky,"

"Pucker up Lester," Howard thrusted Lester onto Greggs lips much to the dismay of everyone involved (except for Lester)

"Oh hello Christmas,"

"Shut up Lester, There happy?" He went back to searching he found the baileys and gave it to Gregg who took it and strutted up to the counter and made himself at home.

"You can play hard to get Howard but I will get you in the end,"

"Empty words," Howard was mildly flirting with him but this was the most amount of action he'd seen in weeks the party was ages ago (well at least a week) "there 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 cans of spray paint and a cardboard box I thought you would make it challenging Gregory,"

"It hasn't even begun, alright stand there," Howard moved, closed his eyes and hoped for the best. Gregg motioned with his wand and Howard's clothes fell off, leaving him in his boxers and socks. Gregg managed to burst the cans with a flick of his wand and he paint became material wrapping itself around him some became glitter and sequins gluing itself on the fabric and around his eyes making a mask for him. And he had the most amazing high heeled boots with jewels all over them. Gregg completely redid Howard's hair and got rid of the mocha stain. In the end he looked better than Johnny Thunders but not as good as Ziggy. Gregg then moved the box onto the road and it became a mustang covered in purple glitter, Lester all of a sudden became a 70's bouncer which he would have been very happy about if he liked the 70's. When he finished Gregg looked at Howard "Yes sir… thank you sir"

"I look amazing"

"Do you like it?"

"Where did you learn how to-"

"Shush now fuzzy little man peach you have until midnight or else everyone will see you gorgeous pink fleshy body don't worry about the blind man the car's in auto drive goodbye," They walked to the glammobile Lester (after being told what exactly was going on) raced to the front seat.

"Thanks Gregg and I really am sorry you know,"

"No you're not Howard," He pushed Howard into the car "I'm Old Gregg," he shouted and disappeared in a big white light. Howard knew he wouldn't be seeing the last of him and that scared him.