I've never written a South Park fic before and it's been a very long time since I've watched it. I've watched all of the film and seen four or five episodes but I seriously need to catch up. There's, what, 16 same (actual plural of series. Google it.) now?

I've made Kyle a lot more cynical in this fic, I think it's because after all the crazy crap that happens in the series, it would take its toll on anybody. But I think I got everyone else in character. And Ike, well, I imagine him to be into older woman.

I only own Alena, nuh'fink else.

(Alena = Ah-lay-nah; Alé = Ah-lay; Alenka = Ah-lehn-kah)

Chapter One

It was another normal day for 16 year old Kyle Broflovski. He stood in front of his mirror, trying to clamp his green hat over his mass of red curls. It normally took two or three attempts to get all his hair under that hat.

Finally Kyle yanked the faded ushanka down hard over his head and covered up every strand of his hair. He smiled at himself in the mirror before scowling. Another day another adventure.

His journey to school was boring. Now he was old enough, he walked to entire journey school by himself. He stuck his earbuds in his ear and turned up his music loud.

Kyle was still tuned in when he arrived at South Park High School. He walked into Home Room and collapsed in his seat.

"Morning." he said to no-one in particular.

Stan Marsh, his best friend, looked round from where he was talking to a titian haired girl who was perched on the desk.

"Hey, Kyle." he said.

The girl just smiled at him.

"Alena was telling me that we have Band this trimester."

Kyle grimaced.
"Really?"

"What, you don' like Band?" Alena grinned.

Alé or Alena Courtney was trouble. Everything she said sounded like a challenge or a threat to Kyle. She was good friends with Butters and Stan and Clyde liked her too, but Cartman didn't like her at all. Maybe it was because on the first day of high school, Alena broke his nose for calling her ginger.

"Kyle only plays if he need to." Stan nudged Alena.

"Do you suck or something, Broflovski?" she asked innocently.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Kyle muttered.

Before Alena could say anything. The teacher, Ms Kate, turned up, causing the noise to cease.

Alena slid off the desk, winking at Kyle.
"I wouldn't mind hearing you play, Broflovski." she smirked.

Was she flirting with him?

"Alé likes you." Stan hissed as Ms Kate called the register.

"Whatever." muttered Kyle.
"Here!" he called in answer to the teacher calling his name.

"I mean it." replied Stan. "She tries to talk to you and all you do is ignore her."

"My mum wouldn't like me to date a girl like Courtney."

"Dude, no-one said anything about dating." Stan raised his hands in self-defence "She feels hurt that you're the only one who won't talk to her."

"I talked to her like five minutes ago." Kyle shot his best friend a look.

"Alé likes you, okay? She says that you're one of nice kids." Stan sighed "Try to be nice to her, alright?"

New trimester means new seating charts. The teacher went round with a hat and everyone pulled out a number.

From three seats in front, Alena turned round to Stan and mouthed:
"What number?"

"14." mouthed Stan, showing her his piece of paper, "You?"

"21." replied Alena, before pointing at Kyle "You?"

Kyle flipped his paper round and sighed.
"22."

They were going to have to sit together in every class. No matter what room they were in.

Everyone stood up to move places.

"See ya at lunch, man." said Stan, before moving near the front to sit beside a pretty blonde girl. "And be sociable to Alena." he added.

Alena and Kyle sat next to each other at the back. She flung her bag down and pulled out her Math books.

"Should be fun." she muttered "I bloody hate Maths."

Kyle stared at her. Was she using British slang?

"Oh well!" she said smiling "I think I have a book in my bag."

The teacher started to write the date on the board and Kyle hesitantly copied.

The lesson was fairly uneventful, the class learnt Pythagoras' Theorem and Alena read her book under the desk.

Kyle was sure that she was going to get in trouble, but when the Math teacher called on her, Alena stood up, slipping the book back into her bag, and chorused the answer to the question, before sitting back down.

"How did you do that?" asked Kyle.

"I copied off you and worked out the answer in my head." she said, pulling her book back out of her bag "I learnt Pythag's in 9th grade. It's not that hard."

"The answer was 15. How did you manage to calculate the square root of 225 that quickly in your head?"

"I know my 15 times tables." replied Alena "Just drop it, will you?"

"Which middle school did you go to?" asked Kyle, surprised.

"A good one, now will you shut up and let me get back to my book" Alena growled "They're taking the bloody Hobbits to Isengard!"

Kyle just blinked and turned back to the lesson.

Alena Courtney was so weird.

"Dude!" yelled Kyle that lunch to Stan, Cartman, Tweek and Butters. "Courtney is so weird!"

"You're telling us this now?" Cartman gave him a look.

"Shut up, Cartman." said Stan, "Alena's not weird." he added, trying not to get thumped by Cartman.

"She knows her 15 times tables and Pythagoras' Theorem already!" explained Kyle. "She talks with British slang and was reading the whole way through Math and Biology.

"She's just really good at Math." replied Butters. "She never pays attention in subjects she already knows."

"She went to a really good private school." said Tweek. "I sat next to her for most of last year."

"That's why he didn't fail." said Butters. "She tutored him."

"Which middle school did she go to?" asked Kyle.

"One in England, I think." said Stan.

"Like something out of Harry Potter?" Cartman sniggered.

"Yeah, she hated it. She constantly got into fights." added Butters.

"Sounds like her." grumbled Cartman, rubbed his nose.

"Hii, guuuyyyss~" sang Alena, beaming up to them.

"I am so hungry." Cartman said, staring off into space.

Alena cackled with laughter.
"You're always hungry!" She cried. "An' that's why you're fat."

"Hey! Don't call me fat, Carrot Top!" yelled Cartman.

"I'm not ginger! I'm titian!" screamed Alena, smacking hims round the head.

"OW!" yelled Cartman

As they made their way down the corridor, Kyle wanted to question her about her weird behaviour in Math, but didn't know how to ask her.

"15 times eight!" he cried suddenly, pointing at Alena.

"What?" she asked, stopping her conversation with Stan.

"What is 15 times eight?" Kyle repeated.

"120." Alena answered "Broflovski is this about Maths class? Look, I'm just good at Maths, okay?"

"If two sides of a right angled triangle are 15 and 9, what is the hypotenuse?" Kyle wasn't going to give up.

"225 and 91 are ... 306." Alena thought hard "The square root of 306 is ... between 17 and 18."

Stan who had taken out his calculator nodded in agreement.
"She's right you know. The answer is 17.478."

"Wow." Kyle was taken aback. "I didn't think you were that good at Math."

"I went to a school that specialises in Maths and Science." said Alena "Can we please just drop this?" she pleaded.

The rest of the day went fairly smoothly, apart from when Alena nearly broke a really expensive cello when she knocked it over and got into an argument with the English Literature teacher over Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe.

At the end of an extremely stressful English Lit. class, Kyle headed out of the class and towards Stan who was leaning against his locker.

"How was it?"

"You saw in Music. Is Alena this bad tempered in English Lit.?"

"You did Edgar Allen Poe too?" asked Stan.

Kyle nodded.

"Broflovski!" yelled Alena.

Kyle sighed, closing his eyes.

"My house, tonight, 8pm, alright?" Stan said before leaving Kyle with Alena.

"What's up?" asked Alena, throwing down her bag and putting her coat on.

"Headache." said Kyle "How can you take off your coat in here? Seriously, dude, it's freezing in here!"

"It ain't that cold." Alena laughed "Hey, coming to Stan's tonight?"

"Yeah..." replied Kyle, not liking where this was going.

"Cool, I'm doing food since I'm the only one with a car."

"You drive?" Kyle's eyes widened.

"Yeah." Alena shrugged.

Kyle shoved his hands into his pockets.
"I'm learning a lot about you, Courtney."

"Aw, come on, Broflovski, not that much." Alena laughed, setting off.

"Before today you were one of Stan's friends." replied Kyle, following. "I didn't know anything about you to be honest."

Alena smiled.
"I don't know much about you either. Have you always lived in South Park?"

Kyle nodded
"I was born here. You?"

"New York." replied Alena "My dad and I moved to England, when I was ten."

"Your mom?" asked Kyle.

"I'm living with her now. They're divorced." Alena seemed slightly upset.

"Crap, I'm sorry." said Kyle. "Well, Cartman only has his mom."

"What about his dad?" Alena asked.

"You don't wanna know." Kyle shuddered.

"Uh, alright then." Alena smiled, wrapping her scarf round her neck as they headed out into the snow.

The two walked in silence for a bit until Kyle stopped outside his house.

"So this is you." Alena smiled.

"Yeah, uh, you wanna come in for a bit?" Kyle asked "Or will your mom mind if you're not home on time?"

"Nah, she's working till late." Alena shrugged.

"Okay." Kyle replied and smiled a little.

Kyle unlocked the door and stepped into the threshold.
"I'm back!" he called.

Silence.

"Hello?!" Kyle yelled.

"WHAT?!" yelled back a voice.

"I've brought someone home with me!" Kyle replied "Take off your shoes, my mom gets funny about dirt on the carpet." he added to Alena.

"Okay." Alena replied.

"Kyle, that you?" Kyle's mom walked into hallway.

At the sight of the short, large, ginger beehived woman, Alena grabbed Kyle's arm.

"Mom, this is Alena Courtney, a friend of mine and Stan's." Kyle said "Alena, this is my mom, Sheila."

"Nice to mean you, Mrs Broflovski." Alena smiled, still gripping Kyle's forearm.

Sheila smiled at the young woman.
"Are you staying for dinner, Elena?"

"If that's okay, ma'am, and it's Ah-lay-nah."

"Oh, sorry and that's fine." Sheila smiled again and walked into the kitchen.

"Courtney?" Kyle asked.

"What?" Alena snapped.

"I think you're cutting the blood supply from my hand." Kyle pointed to his arm.

"Arse, sorry!" Alena jumped away.

"Wanna go to my room?"

"I don't know what kind of perverted thing you're up to, Broflovski, but I'll break your face if you try anything." Alena hissed.

"You think that I would wanna do you? You're a fucking nutjob!" snapped Kyle.

Alena grabbed him by the front of his fleece and brought him close I her face.
"Don't swear at me, cockface!" she growled.

Kyle rolled his eyes and headed into the living room. Alena followed.

A boy with black hair lounged on the sofa watching something on the T.V.

"Hey Kyle." he said.

"Alena, this is Ike, my brother." Kyle said, not stopping as he walked between his brother and the television.

"Dude, is she your girlfriend?" asked Ike, sitting up.

"No!" cried Alena and Kyle together.

"Can I have her then?" Ike smirked.

"No!" Kyle grabbed Alena's hand, pulling her closer towards him. "You're ten, Ike, that's gross!"

Ike shrugged
"Whatever."

Kyle held Alena's hand the whole time he lead her to his room, grumbling under his breath. He was still holding her hand and grumbling when they were in his room.

"Broflovski?" Alena asked gently.

Kyle dropped Alena's hand, but didn't stop grumbling.
"My stupid brother. He's just ridiculous!"

"Kyle!" cried Alena, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him so close that they were inches away from each other. "Sure, your brother is weird, but it's nothing to stress about."

Kyle stopped his rant and stared into Alena's eyes.
"You called me by my first name." was all he said.

"You didn't respond the first time." Alena replied "You have really nice eyes." she added.

"Thank you." replied Kyle, starting to thaw despite the close proximity "Yours are all multi-coloured and weird. Like brown in the middle and then blue on the outside."

"What colour is your hair, Kyle?" Alena played with one of the ear flaps of his hat.

Kyle took off his ushanka and threw it onto his bed unleashing the curly mane of red that he spent every morning trying to hide. That same hair that Kyle hated, Alena was now running a hand through it.

"It's gorgeous, Kyle." she whispered. "You should go to school without your adorable hat on."

"I've had that hat for nearly ten years." Kyle replied.

"It's cute." Alena smiled, before letting go and sitting on Kyle's bed.

Kyle sat next to the girl and unzipped his fleece and pulling off his gloves. Alena took off her coat, scarf, and then, her hoodie. Kyle took Alena's stuff and chucked it on the floor.

Alena lay her head on Kyle's shoulder.
"Why did you invite me round?" she asked.

Kyle shrugged
"I don't know anything about you and I wanted to hang out with you. I don't know many girls."

"But then your parents'll think there's something going on between us." Alena looked up.

"What are you thinking?" asked Kyle, looking down at her.

"I need a piss." Alena said, jumping up. "Where's your bathroom?"

"Third along the hall." replied Kyle.

Alena turned back.
"Ta, darlin'!" she blew him a kiss.

Her mood swings were giving him some serious whiplash.

R'n'R, folks!

Merci and ttfn ;D