What I'd Do

A/N: This is just something I whipped up during school while I was bored to death. It starts out with a bit of drunk Brian rambling but in the end turns pretty sweet. Enjoy!

Special thanks to my friend Kelli, who helped read this in eighth hour after I was done writing it. -

(Brian+Justin forever!)

It's been twelve days since he left. I've actually counted them. It's not because I miss him, why the fuck would I give enough of a damn to actually miss the kid? This is what I had wanted from the very beginning after all. It seems so long ago and yet my mind reminds me that it's only been a couple of years since that night I was either high enough, stupid enough, or just plain bored enough to pick up this blond teen and take him home.

One night, that was absolutely all it was supposed to be. I had only ever done one nights. I only did one nights. and that was all that fuckin' gorgeous blond was supposed to be. One night. But that little twat was stubborn and persistent as hell and wouldn't leave me alone after one night. Note to self: stay away from the fucking teenaged virgins that attach themselves to you like leeches.

So, after what was supposed to be just another one night he cam back. I sent him away, making sure that he knew my intentions loud and clear. He came back again. And again. And again. And again. Like one of those stupid boomerangs Gus plays with. Eventually I gave in and let the kid stay with me just to save him the hassle of following me around, not that he actually stopped doing that even afterwards.

And now, my annoying blond twat was gone. Wait, when did he become 'mine'?? Kinney, you have officially lost it. Not that Justin ever gave me the chance to salvage my sanity, or whatever you would call what I had. He just came barreling into my life and home with his goddamn youth and sunshiney smile and wouldn't let me be until I let him in a bit. So, is it really any wonder that I've gone a bit insane thanks to him?

He broke a lot of deep-set rules I had developed to protect myself from the outside world. I would never admit that out loud, in fact I might have to burn my mind for even thinking it. Though I had never admitted that out loud, why I hid behind those rules, I had a feeling Justin knew. And that was partly why he never took any of the shit I dished out. It was probably also why, though I protested and fought it all the way, I didn't really mind too much when he found a way in and started building himself a niche. He could see me, when all anyone else saw was what I wanted them to, he saw me.

And now Ian had him. that fucking fiddler who told Justin everything he ever wanted to hear from me but I refused to say. The fiddler had bought him away with a few prettily wrapped words.

My mind was telling me that I should be happy the thorn in my side was finally removed, but I had become strangely attached to that damn thorn that had lodged itself into my heart.

Did I say heart? Damn. I must be drunker than I realized. How many nights now have I come home drunk? Must be a lot, since I've obviously been thinking about everything. Actually thinking. Damn twink. See what a blond ass does to me? I've got to quit. Or get more alcohol.

Wait, where am I? It's dark, I'm walking…damn it! Who put that couch there? Okay, loft. Is there anything left to drink or did I finish everything already? I can't remember. Don't really think I could stumble into the kitchen at this point anyways. Fucking headache. I blame Justin. He opened me up to vulnerability and then just left me. The fucking bastard.

He's off living his happy sappy life with the fiddler while I'm lying on my couch, piss ass drunk. Because of him. Not that I'd ever admit it to him. if I ever saw him after this stupid night of confessions in my mind(that's assuming I survive all this thinking unscathed of course) I would just act like nothing was wrong and I was perfectly happy with him gone.

Without him I could trick all I wanted without dreading looking into hurt blue eyes when I was done. I could stay out late, drink, do drugs, anything really, and I wouldn't have to worry about him worrying his pretty blond head off over it all.

I sighed as I thought about how without him I also didn't have his smile to wake up and come home to, I didn't have his warmth to fall asleep to, I didn't have his goddamn nagging at the diner trying to get me to eat more, I didn't have him.

Damn Kinney, alcohol gets you too sappy. Or maybe it was just Justin. Damn him.

I closed my eyes and wondered, not for the first time I'll admit, if my blond twat was ever going to come back, and if he did, what would I do?

Well, that one was fairly easy. First, he would have either gotten tired of the freakin' violinist, get into a huge fight with him, or realize that all the lovey dovey stuff wasn't what he really wanted after all. It would probably be one of the first two. I didn't think my Sunshine was ever going to tire of that fuckin' love stuff he kept going on and on about.

After he finally breaks up he'd go to Daphne's place to sulk. She'd talk some 'sense' into him about what he really wants and whatever else she spouts out. Then he'd be right back where we started all of this, stalking me. I find it kind of flattering really, though still fucking annoying.

So he'd come after me, puppy dog eyes and charming smile all in place. I'd keep him at a distance for a while before taking him back. I have missed him through all of this. A bit. But I'd make him pay for all the sleepless nights, the drinking, the tricking while wishing it was him I was fucking, missing him when I shouldn't…

He'd know I want to get back at him, he knows me too well not to know, and he'd be resigned to it. Because he knows, though I will never admit it out loud, that he really did hurt me and make me miserable. Ha, Brian Fucking Kinney made miserable by the little blond twink.

I'd start out by binding his wrists while straddling him, making him totally immobile and at my mercy. I won't blindfold him because I want to see my pain reflected in those blue eyes that seem to look right through me. Still straddling him I'll strip him of his clothes faster than he can blink and start attacking that smooth pale skin of his. I'd be moving fast, licking down his stomach one second, biting at his nipples the next, leaving bite marks all over his chest and neck, pausing my frenzied assault only long enough to slowly lick that spot on his neck where his pulse is rapidly accelerating before continuing the attack.

Taking off his pants and feeling his hard erection pressing against mine I'll also feel the insatiable hunger raging through my body that could only be filled by him but hadn't been for so long, the numerous tricks not even coming close to filling me. For one fucking night, I'll throw caution to the damn winds and plunge right on in, hearing Justin scream below me and arch up at the new sensations of fucking raw.

I'll lick his sweaty, heaving chest to momentarily soothe him before I start ramming into him harder and harder, hitting his prostate with every stroke and making him scream out every single time.

Suddenly feeling the need to vocalize my feelings for once, I'll start talking in between thrusts.

"This is for being persistent and annoying the fucking hell out of me." I'll growl as I slam into him, making him bit into his bottom lip to keep from screaming.

"This is for getting under my skin and actually making me care." I'll thrust in again, making him whimper with his eyes shut tight. "And then just leaving me open and vulnerable." I'll gasp out as I feel my release coming closer and closer as the body beneath me is bucking up, signaling he's just about there as well.

"This is," my breath is catching, "is for," Justin is gasping uncontrollably as he arches his back up. "Leaving me for a goddamn fiddler!" we both come simultaneously, him screaming my name and me seeing stars behind my closed lids as I empty myself amidst the wave I'm riding.

When we finally collapse on the bed, me on top, I'll give him a moment before propping myself up and watching his chest rising and falling as he gets his breathing back. he'll give a shaky resigned sigh before parting his golden lashes to look up at me with tear filled eyes that look like identical pools. His eyes will show sadness tinged with fear as I open my mouth again.

"And this," I'll whisper against his ear, feeling him tremble beneath me as I glide up his sweat slicked body to kiss his lips with all the tenderness and love that I'd held back for my whole life pouring out. I'll pull back for a moment to look into his confused eyes before closing mine and murmuring into his neck, "This is for coming back."

Damn Kinney, you really are drunk.