"Hey, you got a commode in the place I could use, ya know…?" slurred the drunken man stumbling behind me.
"Yeah, it's right up there." I said trying to feign friendliness in my voice. I couldn't help but think that some of my anger toward this person slipped out into my tone. I prayed that it didn't give me away. Thankfully, this guy is way too drunk to give a shit about vibes.
I felt a sudden weight on my left side as the man I had let into my house stumbled against me, phone slipping out of his hand and cracking against the floor. I pushed him back upright before he had time to fall.
"Dude, you knocked my phone out. You know what, I don't even care. Fuck it." He slurred as he shambled his way up the stairs to the bathroom. He was babbling nonsense the whole time he was going up the stairs, but I tuned him out. Besides, it would have been impossible to hear him over that malevolent voice in my head.
"Do it." Said the voice.
I closed my eyes and backed up against the wall. I tried my best to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to commit.
"Do it!" commanded the voice, louder.
"Okay…" I whispered to myself.
"DO IT!" boomed the voice.
"I have to do this…" I kept muttering to myself, lightly rapping the back of my head against the wall in an attempt to pep myself up.
"THERE'S NO CHOICE!" screamed the voice. "Elise belongs to you!"
"Elise is mine…" I growled to myself.
"Do it now! NOW!" the voice commanded, louder than ever.
I had laid out everything in preparation for this moment. I saw the knife on the counter. I made my way over to the counter and grabbed the knife. I looked into the flat side of it. My inner demon was staring back at my through the reflection, mouthing the words "do it" to me over and over again.
Slowly, I made my way back to the foot of the stairs. I thought that this is the only way things should be. That things COULD be. Elise is mine! No one else's and definitely not HIS! I started to make my way up the stairs, murder on my mind, adrenaline coursing through my veins. This is it. I'm going to murder someone tonight. After tonight, Elise will be MINE!
Or so I thought.
I was halfway up the staircase when I stopped dead in my tracks, knife still gripped tightly in my hands. So tightly that my knuckles were white. I looked up at the top of the stair case. I could see the bathroom door. I knew he was still there, rambling drunkenly. I tried to continue climbing the stairs to do the deed I had originally set out to do, but I couldn't. Something was stopping me.
At that moment, Elise had come to my mind again, but it was not with thoughts of me holding her close. It was with thoughts of him! HIM! My enemy! The man who had stolen my dream girl from me! He was lifting her by her waist, spinning her around, both of them laughing.
I gritted my teeth, angrier than ever. I wanted nothing more than to rip that man limb from bloody limb, but something came to mind that drove all murderous thoughts from my head. It was Elise. She looked so happy and content with this man. Her gorgeous smile was spread from ear to ear.
"No…" I thought.
The voice, needless to say, went into full on rage mode.
"WHAT?! NO! KILL HIM! DO IT NOW! ELISE IS YOURS! HE'S STEALING HER FROM YOU! TAKE THAT KNIFE AND RIP HIS HEART OUT WITH IT!"
I dropped the knife to the ground as I clasped my head with both of my hands. The volume of the voice made me feel like my skull was about to split into two. I leaned against the railing of the stairs in an effort to keep my balance as the voice continued its ear-splitting tirade.
"IF YOU DON'T DO THIS, YOU WILL DIE ALONE! THERE'S NO ONE ELSE FOR YOU IN THIS WORLD! WHY WOULD THERE BE?! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A MISERABLE COWARD! YOU CAN'T EVEN DO WHAT'S NECESSARY TO SECURE THE ONLY ONE YOU WILL EVER LOVE!"
"No," I muttered weakly. "I can't. If I do, Elise will be devastated. She'll never forgive me…"
"KILL HIM!"
"No." I said, my courage returning
"DO IT!"
"No." I firmly, somewhat loudly said.
"KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!" Screamed the voice.
I'M NOT A MURDERER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
I froze, realizing that everyone within a five mile radius probably heard my little outburst.
"Wha.." I heard a slur from the top of the stairs. "Dude, you there?"
I immediately snapped back to reality.
"Uh, yeah man, I'm here." I yelled up the stairs. I silently thanked whatever powers may be for alcohol.
"Dude, you got any aspirin in the house?" he asked. "My head is killing me."
I shuddered at his choice of words.
"Yeah, I got some aspirin, hold on." I said. I went back down the stairs and headed for the kitchen. I checked the cabinets one by one until I found a small bottle of pain killers. I took a can of Sprite from the refrigerator and headed back up the stairs. He was standing in the hallway outside of the bathroom door, rubbing his temple.
He looked up as I handed him the bottle of pills and Sprite.
"Thanks a lot man, you're a lifesaver." He slurred as he ingested a couple of pills and washed them down with a gulp of Sprite.
"Don't mention it. You're not planning on driving at any point tonight are you?" I asked, real concern showing in my voice.
"No man, I'm gonna be takin' the bus." I slurred. "Hey, I actually gotta be going now, but if you want, you, me, and Elise can, like, all hang out together sometime if you want. You seem like a cool dude."
"Yeah," I said with a slight tremble in my voice. "That'd be great."
The man in front of me narrowed his eyes at me, as if to examine me.
"Dude, you don't look so good. You look like you've seen a ghost."
I realized then that my exchange with… him… had left me in a state of trembling. I tried to steady myself, but I was still shaking. I glanced inside the bathroom at the mirror and noticed that I was extremely pale as well.
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine man."
He studied me for a moment then shrugged.
"Alright man, take it easy." He said as he began to make his way down the stairs. I began to follow him down. As he was about halfway down, he bent down and picked something up from the staircase.
Shit… it's the knife.
"Dude, what's this doing here?"
Quick, think of an excuse.
"Uh," I said, thinking fast. "I don't know man. Sometimes my kitchen sink doesn't work so I have to wash the dishes in the bathroom sink. Must've slipped." I said quickly.
"Oh." Said the drunken man. It was obvious he was way too intoxicated to care.
I waved goodbye as he picked his phone off of the floor and stumbled out of the front door and began to make his way toward the bus stop.
I shut the door and shuffled up the stairs and into the bathroom. I felt a violent retching in my stomach. I fell over on my knees as the vomit shot from my mouth into the toilet. I failed. But I was glad I did. Just thinking about killing someone made me gag and as a result, vomit a bit more. The adrenaline had left me and all I felt was fatigue. It wasen't until I slumped onto my side on the bathroom floor did I realize that…
That the voice is gone.
I looked around, as if expecting to see some angry manifestation of my subconscious here to punish me for not going through with the dark deed. But there was nothing. Not even a peep from inside my head.
I got up and made my way to my bedroom.
"I'm alone." I thought, happily at first, but then more solemn as I mulled it over a second time.
"I'm alone."
Thoughts of Elise came back to me, with her boyfriend, not me, holding her in his arms.
I curled up in bed, a single tear rolling down my face.
"I'm alone." I thought as sleep finally came over me.