My True Weakness
Chapter 1: The Homosexual
Today was another glorious day spent in the day room. The inmates were playing chess and chatting amongst themselves... well at least the ones that can talk. Even the chronic masturbaiter seemed to masturbate a little slower today. I hummed the Dominique tune as I told the inmates that is was time to go to bed and followed them into the hall with the living quarters. One after another they all made their way into tthe cells, most of them didn't complain or even fight it being to used to the nightly routine. Sometimes I wish sister Jude would allow a fun night where we watch movies or have a dance long into the night, but when I brought up the idea to her she laughed in my face and called me an sweet innocent child. How could I be so stupid to think she would actually allow that. This is an Asylum after all. Stupid! Why am I so stupid?
"Sister Mary, Shelley is not in her room. Would you please go locate the little Nymphomaniac?" A Sister easily in her seventies asked while compensating a cucumber from her room. I nodded my head, closing the door to another inmate room and made my way down the dark halls with my favorite bible in my hand. These barren walls were just awful, the blood stains just added a grim horror to them. I smiled to myself thinking of how much fun the inmates would have painting these walls and hanging pictures.
"Oh, come on Carl be a man! Stick it in me!" I could hear Shelley say from just around the corner. I dropped my bible in shock at the sight in front of me. Carl was fully erect standing behind Shelley bent over a table. They looked over to me, startled by the thud of the book. Carl quickly pulled his pants up and ran down the hall in embarrassment, however, Shelley stayed and watched him laughing. "He is such a pussy, he wouldn't stick it in my ass," She looked to me biting her lip. " But you are not a pussy. Right, Sister? We could easily go to the kitchen and find a nice plump cucumber for you to use. Or are you more of a finger girl? Oh I could just feel it now." She giggled to herself placing her hands over her privates and rubbing small circles. "What do you think Sister Eunice, wouldn't that just be a hell of a night?" I grabbed a hold of the cross hanging from my neck in disgust.
"That is enough Shelley, it's time to go to bed." I said to her with the sternest voice I could muster at the moment. She smiled her sickening smile and walked to me swaying her hips in a sinister way. I took a few steps back trying to avoid contact with the impure creature. "Now," My voice cracked. Now I knew what sister Jude was talking about when she said that I needed to work on my authority voice.
"Oh, Mary, I like it when you try to take charge. You can take me to bed and have me anyway you want," She brought her finger up to her lips and pushed herself to my body. I was now trapped between her and a wall. "I've been a very bad girl, Sister. I need to be punished." The nymphomaniac bent over in front of me her behind in front of my hips. "Spank me, whip me, do as you please sister! I deserve it." She swayed her hips a little and a giggle escaped her lips.
Oh lord, Please help this poor lost girl. I moved out from behind her. "I have been instructed to not use the standard form of punishment for you. Although, I do believe that we need to initiate a prayer time with for you first thing in the morning. Now, Shelley, It is time to go to bed," She stood up with a frown and walked back down the halls. I walked behind her leaving some distance between her and I. My mind couldn't help but wonder back to a certain brunette I meet earlier today. I can't remember her name, I do remember that she was brought here for homosexual activity. Would she have given herself to the nymphomaniac if she asked. Is that how lesbians act, just like nymphomaniacs only solely for girls? I really do not understand the mind of homosexuals or how they act. I've never even met one.
Locking Shelley in her cell was not an easy task, but with patience and a promise that she can work in the bakery tomorrow was enough to get her to cave in and go to bed. Making my way down the dim lit hallway, I heard a faint cry coming from one of the cells. It wasn't one of the usual criers, but rather a completely new voice. Was it the Lesbian? Should I ask her what is wrong? Oh heaven I can't just leave her to cry without knowing what is wrong. I turned around and made my way back towards her cry. Her Cell was the last one on the left, the one stained with blood. My mind flashed back to Richard. Poor soul he was such a nice man, shame he bashed his own head in. I looked through the little window to see the woman curled up into a ball on her bed.
"Excuse me miss, is everything alright?" I opened the door slowly, it letting out a long pitched high creak. I walked in a little ways, her sobs didn't let up as I sat next to her on her bed gently placing my hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?" I asked. She looked up to me wiping her nose on her arm, tears falling from her dark brown eyes. I offered her a kind smile.
She smiled back at me. "You are the nicest person I have met since I have arrived in this hell hole." I rubbed her back in a comforting gesture.
"This place can be a little overwhelming at first but I'm sure with some times you will learn to love it just as much as I do! I have to admit that when I first arrived here the place frightened me... well at least Sister Jude did. I guess I wasn't used to being around so many..." I paused for a minute lowering my voice, "sinful people." I coughed and straighten my back. "But now I know that all these people are here to seek help and that I am an important part of that process! Just like how you are here right now, you want help and we are here to give it to you. Isn't that wonderful?" I smiled looking up at the ceiling with a content sigh.
"That's bullshit," The woman said standing up off the bed.
"Language!" I yelled sternly.
"Sorry sister but I do not need your help! I didn't sign up for this willingly. Sister Jude went behind my back and intimidated my girlfriend Wendy to have me admitted here. I do not believe that it is a sin to love who I love! Even is she is an... excuse my language a bit of an asshole." she plopped back down onto the bed, tears filling up her eyes once again. "No! I won't cry over this!" She wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry about all this Sister..."
"Sister Mary Eunice," I replied standing up offering her my hand. "And don't worry about it! It's my job, if you ever want to talk or confess to impure thoughts come to me. I am always willing to listen."
"Thank you Sister Mary, I will definitely consider that," She shook my hand and smiled at me, her brown eyes reflecting the lights.
"Now I do believe that it is bedtime. Just remember if you work hard at it. You can over come any sin you have portrayed." She laid down in bed as I covered her with a blanket. I walked out the door and closed it with a squeak. Looking at her through the window I quietly said"Goodnight Miss..." I took a second to look at her plaque next to the door, "Lana Winters," and with that I made my way down to my own living quarters.
The faculty bedrooms were much nicer than the cells that the inmates are forced to be in 10 pm to 8 am. It made me feel bad to think of all the inmates sleeping on a hard medal frame with barely a mattress as padding and one thin blanket. I looked into my mirror above my dresser and brushed my hair. Counting the strokes. My mother taught me that if you ran your brush through your hair three hundred times every night and every morning you are going to have the healthiest hair in the land. Of course she told me that back when I was three and wanted to be a princess. But I still do it, she thinks it a shame that my beautiful blonde hair is always covered by this habit, but I really don't mind it.
I changed into my white night gown and crawled into my bed. I laid there and looked at the blank ceiling. Lana Winters. That is the name of the first homosexual I have ever met. She was nothing like my mother had preached her out to be. She didn't have rotten teeth or crawled onto of me and had her way with me. She was an actual human with clearly good hygiene based on the shine still in her hair and pearl white teeth. Maybe she was a unique case. I would have to meet more homosexuals to confirm that. ' it is a sin to love who I love,' that phrase struck a nerve in me. It echoed in my head. Was it really that bad for her to love Wendy the way she was suppose to love a man? I know that in the bible it clearly stated that a man shall not lie with another man as he does with a woman, but that part has always been so unclear to me. Two men could not possibly lay the same way a man and a women could... they are missing a very important part. Pondering over the though was making me tired as I looked to the clock and gasped as I saw it was already two am. I have been lying here for a good two hours now just thinking, I need to sleep. I am going to be terribly tired tomorrow.
My alarm rang loudly, disrupting me from my peaceful slumber. I stood up and turned off my alarm rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I looked out my window to see the sun shining brightly making the dew on the grass sparkle. It was little gifts like this that makes my heart chirp with happiness. I quickly got ready for the day and made my way to the kitchen to have some breakfast before waking the inmate. "Good morning Sister Jude," I said spreading some butter onto a slice of bread. She nodded and grabbed herself some breakfast before sitting with me at the table.
"Mary Eunice, I am at need for your help today. As you know already we have a new inmate... A homosexual named Lana Winters,' She paused to take a bite. "As part of her treatment we need to induce some Shock Therapy. I need you to watch her after her treatment to make sure she doesn't do anything reckless. You know how people can be after shock therapy, you remember what happened to Richard." I shuttered to myself thinking about him smashing his head in only days after the shock. I nodded my head in agreement. "Glad to hear it, now it is time to wake the inmates up." I stood and handed my plate to Sister Erin and made my way out of the kitchen.
Today I was on wake up duty alone with only Jerry on guard. I grabbed my little bell and began to ring it. "Wake up Inmates, it's the start of a brand new day!" I heard many groans in protest as faces began to show up one by one in the windows. I unlocked the doors on the right first, watching the inmates slowly emerge from there rooms and slowly walk into the day room for another day of Dominique and chess. Shelley's door was the last one on the right. I swallowed nervously as I unlocked her door.
"Good Morning Sister. I slept wonderfully last night. I had the most wonderful dream about you and I," She bit her lip and gave me a scandalous smile. I frowned in disgust.
"Shelley you are to report to sister Judy right away in the hydrotherapy room. Jerry if you would please escort her." Sending an inmate to therapy always left an eerie feeling with me. They always seem to come back scared and traumatized rather than treated, But I would never question Sister Jude's treatment. Jerry came and grabbed a protesting Shelley and pulled her down the hall. I waited before I could no longer hear her cry out before continuing with unlocking all the doors.
Making my way across the hall, I peeked into Miss. Winters room to see that she was still asleep. "She did have a tough night last night." I whispered to myself, giving her five more minutes couldn't hurt. Making my way down the hall I started to unlock all the doors on the left. The last inmate slowly made her way down the hall before I unlocked Miss. Winter's door. Once again the door made a high pitched scream as it swung opened. Quietly, I walked across the cold concrete to find Lana still sound asleep. She looked very innocent with her cheeks still stained with tears. I smiled and gently tapped her shoulder. "Miss. Winters it is time to wake up, you have a therapy session today," She groaned and shifted a little.
"Five more minutes, Wendy." I giggled at her childish behavior, reminded me of myself when I was little. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and fell off the bed screaming. She looked at me from her place on the floor. "It wasn't a dream," she looked as if she was going to cry again. I made my way around her bed and helped her off the floor.
"We need to hurry, you are already late for you first session," I linked my arm with hers and lead her through the long stone hallways. Since it was day time they had more lights on making all of the cracks and dirt piercing the grey walls more visible. I don't know which way I preferred it. Many lights or just one. I pushed open the swinging white doors to be greeted by a frowning Sister Jude.
"What took you so long Sister?" Her arms were crossed. Dr. Arden standing behind her offering me a kind smile. I heard the whiz of the machine behind him. "Oh forget it, quickly help me strap her to the table we need to hurry I have better things to do." I lead Lana to the table and had her lie down. Her eyes clearly displaying fear. I heard the Velcro as a couple guard strapped her in.
"Now lie still Miss. Winters this will only hurt a little," Arden's laugh was anything but innocent as he held the medal to her temple. She began to shake out of control, her eyes still locked onto mine. Droll slowly rolled out of her mouth as Arden removed the medal from her head. Lana's eyes fell closed. She passed out. I looked at her a little shocked myself. Arden carried in a chair for me to sit on. "Remember to keep a close eye on her, we don't want any surprises today," I took a seat and nodded in understanding. "And Mary I'm going to need your help feeding the creatures today," he gently squeezed my shoulder, hand lingering a little too long, before he left me to watch the sleeping homosexual.
I watched her as she sleep, burn marks now visible on her temples. Slowly, my eye lids started to feel heavier and heavier. Soon sleep was inevitable as my world shifted to darkness.
I laid on a metal gurney, arms constrained by leather straps. I struggled against them, the bright hall ways lights hurting my eyes as they pass by in a blur. I was pushed through the same big white doors that I lead Lana through. I was swung around and placed next to the electric shock therapy machine. Looking up I see Arden standing above me with the medal rod in his hands. Sister Jude standing next to him frowning. "It's a shame we have to do this to one of our own," she said brushing my hair out of my face. I screamed as I heard the machine fire up.
"No! I haven't done anything to deserve this!" I shouted struggling harder against the restraints. I heard the white doors open to see Miss. Winters standing there. I looked into her eyes screaming for help as Arden lower the probe to my head. Suddenly my vision went blurry as the shock raged through my body.
I jerked forward, heart racing. Looking to Lana I was relieved to see that she was still asleep. Grabbing the damp rag, I wiped away the beads of sweat forming on her forehead. I looked down the her hands and feet to see that she was still strapped to the table. Quietly, I undid the Velcro and released her from the bind of the leather. My eyes wondered over to s tan file sitting on the nightstand. The label neatly had 'Lana Winters' written on it. I couldn't resist but to look inside the file. Enclosed I found the document which sent Lana to this facility signed by both Sister Jude and Wendy Peyser. I took a moment to read over the agreement, nothing out of the ordinary. I moved it to the side to find some of Miss. Winters records. Apparently she was a journalist. I looked over at the fried woman on the bed. She doesn't look like a journalist at the moment. I placed the file back on the nightstand and stroked her cheek.
Her eyes fluttered open and I took a step back startled at the sudden movement "Wendy?" She asked her voice barely audible. It pained me to see her like this... so weak and so fragile. She blinked her eyes a few more times before a few tears slide down her cheeks. "Sister Mary Eunice," she paused for a second and swallowed. "What happened?"
Walking over to her bed I handed her a class of water. She took it with a nod and took a sip placing the cup on the nightstand. "You had shock therapy Miss. Winters," I said grabbing her file off the table and moving it to a safer location out of her reach. "How are you feeling," I sat next to her, wiping more sweat from her forehead. She struggled to sit up, making it about half way before slumping back down.
"I feel like I've been hit by a bus," She mumbled rubbing the back of her head and rolling her neck.
"Well I'm just glad you are awake. I was starting to worry about you." I pulled her in for a hug resting my head on her head. "Don't worry as long as your making progress that should be you first and last shock Therapy session. I can just see it now! You and your husband standing in front of your new home with a baby on the way! The American Dream!" I smiled to myself thinking of how lovely that would be for Lana. The woman wiggled herself free from my grasp taking a few steps away from me.
She paced the room like she was nervous. "That is the exact opposite of what I want and what do you know about the 'American Dream'. That is just a Hoax to get people brain washed into thinking everything is alright as long as you fall within a system and have a 'bug happy family', no matter how fake it is! I rebelled against it and did my version of the American Dream. People like Sister Jude can't get over that and as a result they just lock me up and pretend I don't exist." She stopped pacing and looked at me. I could feel the anger radiating off of her. I didn't know what to say. I decided to change the topic.
Standing from the bed I straighten out my dress and cleared my throat. "I think it is time to introduce you to Dr. Threadson. He is a great Psychiatrist and he had agreed to help you with your impure thoughts," I said flashing her a sympathetic smile and holding the door open. Lana just frowned.
"I can't believe you," She bumped into me as she made her way out of the door and once again down the stone hallways. We didn't talk as she stayed a few steps behind me. The only way I knew that she was still there was the sound of her bare feet pattering against the stone. We reached Dr. Threadson's office and I knocked three times before Mr. Threadon opened the door.
"Ah, Sister Eunice, what a pleasure to see your beautiful face today," He smiled and nodded his head at me. "And this must be the lesbian I presume," I watched as he eyed her up and down. Something about the way he was looking at her made me uncomfortable but I just shook it off.
"Dr. Threadson this is Lana Winters. She just received shock therapy and I would believe it would be best if you talked to her and made sure everything is alright." I smiled the best I could at the unusual man. A part of me wished that I will never be left alone with him. He gave off some upsetting vibes. Once again he smiled and nodded his head and made a gesture for Lana to come in. "I will be back in two hours to pick her up, she is not to go unsupervised." I said at the last minute before the door closed in my face.
Once again I found myself in the day room humming along to Dominique and watching the inmates do there usual interactions. "Well isn't it the sexiest nun of the hour," Oh dear god please help me. I said to myself mentally to turn around to see spivey looking at me in an anything but pure way.
"Spivey, if you don't leave Miss. Mckee alone I will have you sent to solidarity." I sighed in relief when I heard Arden's voice come from behind me. "Now," he said stepping out in front of me. Spivey whispered something under his breath before he made his way back to his usual seat and looked out the window.
"Thank you," I breathed and hugged Dr. Arden. I really am thankful for this man, even if we do have different views on many situations regarding our lord and savior, He's always been so kind to me and the only person I can really call a friend in this place.
The doctor wrapped his arms around me and gave me a little squeeze before pulling back and holding me by my shoulders. "Anything for you sister. Now tell me how is the new Inmate doing?" He said taking off his glasses.
"Miss. Winters I currently with Dr. Threadson. Just a check up to see if she is alright after the treatment." He nodded and smiled at me once again.
"Well I'm glad to hear it, now if you'll excuse I have some business to take care of." He walked away and grabbed Shelley by the arm and dragged her our of the day room. What did he want with Shelley? Dr. Arden doesn't seem like the type of man to take up on one of Shelley's passes. She must have a check up. I reasoned with myself. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see pepper smiling at me.
"Play with me!" she said trying to drag me over to the checkers table. I suppose I have a little time before I must pick up Miss. Winters.
Authors ending thought: Thanks for reading, This is just a trial. If you like it let me know and I will be sure to continue it. :) Also give me tips on how to improve I love those :3