What is love?
Love is an abstract noun.
Love has no color, size, shape, sound, odor, flavor, or texture.
Love only is.
Love cannot be heard.
Love cannot be seen.
Love cannot be tasted.
Love can only be felt in the deepest part of your being.
Love is that special feeling that you have when another person makes you feel like the luckiest woman or man to ever walk the earth.
Love turns your legs to jelly.
Love is where you heart beats frantically in your chest and takes your breath away.
Love is supposed to lift someone up emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially.
Love completes you. Like that last piece of a puzzle.
Love only gives. It never takes.
Hello, my name is Katara and if I could steal a few moments of your time I would like to tell you my story. It's about a little girl and the troubles of life, her struggle of acceptance and happiness. It's a story of hope and despair, right and wrong, love and loss. This is my tale of growth from girl to a young woman.
It started when I was at the 'extremely mature' age of fifteen. I saw him at one of the football games that I had attended. Jet and I had gone to kindergarten and first grade together before I was pulled out to be homeschooled with my brother, Sokka. Seeing one of my old friends I went up to talk to him, he was so interesting and sweet. He was kind and awkward too. We spent every game that season talking and getting to know one another better. Finally, I gave him my phone number and we talked all day and late into most nights. I couldn't help it; I was falling for him fast.
Jet was tall with dark hair and foreign. He moved here, from the Earth Kingdom to the Watertribe, at age two or three with his mother and father. His family seemed nice, not overly friendly. Especially his father.
I was a shy young girl, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. My parents, Hakoda and Kya, were always trying to help me. I never saw their efforts though, being the blind teenager that I was. They provided a good environment to help me grow into a strong, independent, young lady. But, what they didn't see was that there was little girl struggling inside of me wanting something. I didn't know what. I didn't know whom. All I knew was that I needed more from life. This boy, Jet, seemed like an opportunity to find something new and exciting, hopefully 'that more' that I was so desperately searching for.
Jet's background is more complicated than mine. His parents got divorced when he was about seven or eight years old, this caused him an immense amount of pain, as any divorce would to a child. He thought it was his fault, just as every child does. He acted out, causing him to be labeled as a troublemaker in school.
Later he confided to me that his father, Mr. Yun, had beat him as a child. There was a sense of unruliness that presided in Mr. Yun's house. Jet could do anything he wanted while he was over there, whether it was staying up late or watching inappropriate movies. To me, it was like his father didn't care enough to discipline his son.
Now Mrs. Tan-mu, Jet's mother, was an extremely wonderful lady. From the moment I met her, I knew that she was the kind of mother that I had always wanted. She showered Jet with love, and because I was dating her son she loved me like her own daughter. Her door was always open to Jet and me, and she loved that we loved spending time with her.
The first year of our relationship, we were watched closely by my parents. Jet was always at the house, he would beg his father or mother to drive him over after school and he would stay until late. He ate dinner with us almost every night.
Many times Jet had profound conversations with Mom. They talked about marriage, morals, and how life is a result of the choices a person makes. To Mom and I, it looked like he was searching for something greater than the life of the lawless. The conversations were not just the small five-minute talks, they lasted most of the evening.
I didn't mind that he was spending so much time with my parents, I enjoyed knowing that they were getting along and that Jet liked my family. Sokka didn't like Jet, but that was to be expected. He's my older brother; he isn't supposed to like my boyfriends.
As the year wore on, Jet started to push his boundaries. Slowly but surely, going from trying to understand my way of life to imposing some of his beliefs onto me. By this time I was head over heals in love and I didn't notice the gradual change.
A perfect example of this is cuddling and kissing. Normally one wouldn't think it would be such a big deal, right? Wrong. It was a very big deal for me. He wanted to cuddle and kiss all the time, in private or public, it didn't matter. He would dangle all over me or want me to dangle on him. It made me uncomfortable, this was both of our first relationships and I personally had no idea what to do or what was acceptable. When I finally confronted him about my worries, he said that he had an 'affection problem' and he just couldn't get enough. Affection showed him how much I loved him. That I cared. Knowing this I of course wanted to show him how much I really did love him. And I gave him all he asked for and more.
Our birthdays came and went. We each got Sato-mobiles.
For school, Jet had to have at least one hundred service hours. Being the organizer of a teenage homeschool group that did volunteer work, I knew many places where he could have gotten his hours. He wouldn't go without me though; I was happy to help and went with him twice a week to volunteer our time sorting food and clothes for the unfortunate.
We volunteered our time twice a week for a little over three months. Once we had his volunteer hours out of the way, he didn't want to continue working. He suggested just sitting in our Sato-mobiles and talking in the parking lot instead, hesitantly I agreed.
We had recently gotten in trouble with my parents for making out while they weren't looking and the amount of affection in public. I was not keen on returning to my house only to be scolded yet again for trying to make Jet happy.
He was happy and that wasn't wrong. We weren't doing anything wrong. They just couldn't see that. Jet assured me my thoughts were true; we had done nothing wrong.
For the first time in my life I felt free. Free of rules. Free to do as I pleased. Free to be whatever I wanted without the confines of judgment and ridicule. The more I avoided my parents the happier I got… and the more Jet was able to influence me.
The more I compromised my morals the happier Jet became. That was the goal in a relationship, right? To make your man happy? He knew that I wanted to wait until marriage to go all the way, but what was a little extra snuggling and kisses that made my heart flutter in my chest? I knew he wanted more than that, but he said he was willing to wait. And well, he was a guy it was his nature to want sex more than I did.
Breaking rules was one thing and staying out late was fun. Just to reiterate, I had never felt this free and I loved every moment of life. I was free to make my own choices and this was another way to rub it in Mom and Dad's faces.
One day Jet brought up sex, again. We had been talking about it for sometime and it was one of the many topics that we talked about daily. I was just as temped by it as he was. We had already done pretty much everything under the sun except that. Finally, he mentioned that sex would be the perfect proclamation of our love. I jumped on the idea and was filled with so much hope that he loved me just as much as I loved him. I consented. The next time we were supposed to be 'volunteering' we went to his father's house instead. My only request was that our first time be in a real bed.
We were both so shy and scared. I laugh thinking back on that very moment. I will never regret it, because it was beautiful. Although sex was a wonderful new experience, being held in his arms was the best part. There, I felt truly loved and accepted for exactly who I was.
Since I had given him that very last and special part of me, it was only logical to start planning our future together. He was scared, I could tell. I just figured that it was cold feet and once he could, he would marry me making everything official.
A new routine was made where we would go to his father's house twice a week under the guise of volunteering. It didn't last long because Mr. Yun was pressuring him to find a job. I was anxious to start working too, so we decided to fill out some applications together.
When we did find jobs he worked for a fast food restaurant, while I worked at a Mom&Pop cake decorating and supply store. Now that we could drive and he had a job, Mom and Dad finally let him take me out on a real date! He surprised me by randomly coming to the house with a bouquet of flowers. Apparently, he had the whole night planned out. He took me to dinner and a movie then brought me back home.
It was all extremely romantic, and it was like he knew what I was thinking. I was worried that we were loosing romance in our relationship because the only thing we did when we saw each other was have sex.
It was that very summer, that I had started classes at the University of Southern Water Tribe. I was sixteen at the time, so we had been together for just over a year. He was starting his senior year in high school. I was so proud of my accomplishments, he was proud of me too.
Mom and Dad all, but kicked Jet out of the house. They told him that his behavior was unacceptable and, unless he was willing to change it, not to come back. I had no idea what they were talking about. Jet was perfect! He never did anything wrong, in my opinion. Ever. They kept saying something about disrespect. Jet never thought he was being disrespectful, and explained to me that they must have changed their minds about him at some point.
We started going over to Mrs. Tan-mu's house instead. She loved us being there. She was cooped up in the house a lot because she had a rare disease called Muscular Sclerosis and was in constant pain. Therefore, she would sleep most of the time while we were there.
My parents had extracted promises out of me that I wouldn't go there while she was napping. I tried to follow that one rule, but then I never saw Jet. He begged me to come over anyway. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I lied to Mom and Dad about Mrs. Tan-mu being awake and went.
The time at Tan-mu's house was spent watching TV while she was with us or having sex on the couch while she was not. Slowly, our sex life moved from something sweet to something more focused on fulfilling that lustful desire. And I knew it.
I confessed this concern to Jet, he told me he felt the same way I did. He also confessed that he had an erotic side to him. Confused, I asked him to elaborate. As it turned out, I apparently had some of the same fantasies as he did. I don't think I had ever seen Jet as happy as when I told him that. He was excited to start experimenting with positions and La knows what else. I just smiled and went along with whatever he wanted to do.
Between mine and Jet's combined work and school, we were seeing each other less and less. Every time I went over to Mrs. Tan-mu's house, I left later and later. Finally, when I was dragging myself to bed at one or two in the morning, Mom and Dad decided to intervene. They instilled a curfew, again, but this time the penalty was too steep to ignore. I wouldn't be able to see Jet for the rest of the week if I wasn't home by eight o'clock every night.
Of course, Jet was not happy with this and tried to get me to stay longer anyway. He would bar the door with his body and force me to kiss him or hug him more before he would even move. Then, he would always walk me out to the Sato-mobile and not let go of my door until I again gave him the required amount of affection. At the time, this flattered me. Knowing that he wanted me to stay and asking for just one more parting kiss.
Flattery only goes so far. Soon, the demand for affection detained me longer and longer to where I would try to no longer give in.
I finally tried to stand up for myself. I thought, "what right does he have to stop me from leaving? I am my own person and I can go wherever the hell I want to."
Boy, I had never been so wrong. Jet swelled with anger at being denied. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that maybe I would make a perfect target. Luckily, he would hit a door or wall instead of me.
I think this is where the first signs of his obsession started to emerge. My parents had basically backed off. They only asked for me to get home at a reasonable time. I tried to follow that one rule. It was the least I could do. Jet's definition differed with theirs, dramatically.
He had become consumed with winning this battle between him and my parents. He would do anything to keep me with him longer. He quickly learned that looming over the top of me was not helping his cause, and started using guilt trips. He would say things like, "You must not love me like I love you." or something along those lines. Basically, he wanted to control my time. Not my parents controlling it.
I knew something was wrong, no idea what though. I became depressed and it was growing worse every day. I was quiet and withdrawn. There were times where I had tried to break things off with Jet. He got angry and sad, then cried till I said it was all my fault or hormones talking and agreed that he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
Jet noticed my change in behavior and tried to get me to be like I was: eager to please. After he got out of school, he called me and either came to where I was or I came to him. If I was in a class, which happened at least twice a week, Jet would meet me there and sit in on the class. We would then go back to Mrs. Tan-Mu's house and he would 'make-love to me.'
He never took me out anymore. Jet only went out if I took him out. He always said he was saving for college then he would turn around and spend a couple hundred Yuans on his P.O.S. Sato-mobile. I would get tired of sitting at Mrs. Tan-mu's and drag him out to a restaurant and pay for our "date." This happened more than I would like to admit.
Really, what would happen was he would fuck me on his mother's couch anyway he wanted while I made the experience as pleasant as possible for him and as painless as possible for me. He liked sticking his hairy hotdog in a place it had no business being.
Looking back at the situation, his parents partially encouraged the situation. Because Jet was so stuck on me, Mr. Yun said that Jet was a 'hopeless polar-bear pup that followed me around craving my attention.' He also supplied his son with contraception, not that Jet used it.
Mrs. Tan-mu was entirely different. Because she never once tried to stop Jet from locking me in her house and left us alone so Jet could do whatever he wanted to me, she condoned it. She even bought me lingerie and let Jet help pick it out!
She talked to my parents much more than Mr. Yun did. He was probably disgusted with them. Mrs. Tan-mu made promises to my parents to keep me out of trouble and always watch us while we were at her house.
She broke her word quickly. I asked her to. I do not deny my role in my life. I take full responsibility for my actions. They are mine, and mine alone. Although, I am only pointing out that I was not the only person involved in this scheme of seduction and lust.
Believe it or not, many things are said without being actually said. Jet and I saw from this lying that it is okay as long as we got the results we wanted. Jet took this lesson to heart.
This was not the "more" in life that I was searching for. Not even remotely close. I was miserable; I just didn't want to live anymore. I was tired of being used as a plaything. I was tired of always being there for someone who was not giving anything back. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially.
I no longer felt beautiful or deeply loved. I didn't feel like he completed me. Slowly I was working on a plan to take my own life.
There was only one problem, I couldn't find a time where I would be alone long enough to remain un-rescued. Every week, Sokka traveled hours in the Sato-mobile to play football and I would be dragged along. I got extremely motion sick, but it apparently didn't matter to Mom and Dad. They wouldn't let me stay home. That was the only time I could have done it. They wouldn't have been around and no one was going to miss me. Jet would, but then again he was the source of most of my problems that I couldn't fix. So, why did I care?
Jet was able to get me to voice these feelings to him. It felt good to get it all out. Like I was clearing the air and we could start again with a clean slate. He would try harder and so would I.
Except, I couldn't fix my problems with Jet because every time I told him something that was bothering me he would go to his mother and ask who was right: me or him. Of course it was him. In fact, whatever my problem was became a way that "he expressed his love" as Mrs. Tan-mu explained it.
The hole in my heart began to grow bigger because I was not able fill it with love and happiness. Because of this, I could no longer fulfill his wants, needs, and nasty little desires. My needs? They were never taken seriously and were brushed aside. My bending for him was never enough. He always needed more of something. Time. Kisses. Love. Sex. You name it, he wanted it. At that moment I realized I wasn't enough anymore.
I was treated like object or possession rather than something with feelings. He said and did whatever was appropriate at the time to keep me complacent and willing to come back to him. Respect was a thing of the past. And no matter where I looked I couldn't find it in my future.
People asked me why I went back to him. They just didn't understand. I loved him. And if I could just be enough, or maybe that last hug or kiss could keep him happy I would have proven that he really is good inside. And good to me. And good for me. That he really did love me. I kept going back for these reasons.
As wonderful as I thought Jet was, he never really understood me. I was in denial of that for a long time. I knew he was selfish and that maybe he cared about my opinion, but he never understood my point of view. He would twist my words around until I didn't know what I was trying to say anymore. Every conversation would end with how I should be happier. After all he was. So, why wasn't I?
For our second anniversary Jet gave me a promise ring, I liked to think of it as our engagement ring. Even though my culture was to give necklaces' instead of rings. Gran-Gran was from the North after all.
The only reason why I think he actually gave me the ring was because I had told him I was suicidal. Maybe he consciously thought it through, maybe not. I don't really know
Time progressed. I was trying hard to make my lover happy and felt like I was succeeding, I felt happier because of that. My parents apparently got worried about me and read my text messages to Jet. They found some of our sexting and called me home from Mrs. Tan-mu's house only to be locked away from him for four days.
It was the week of finals of my first year, third semester counting summer, at USWT. They didn't want anything to happen until after finals then "we could all talk about it." What a joke. They just wanted to shove their beliefs down my throat.
They asked for four days without contact with Jet, just until after finals were over. I think I repeated my mantra more than a million times over that small timeframe. "I am a strong, beautiful, successful, young woman. I can do this." Although, I had yet to discover exactly how strong I could be.
Mom and Dad tried to figure out how they were going to handle what was going on. They didn't know it was anything more than sex. I don't even remember the exact reasons why they thought it was so important to stop communication. All I remember was that they said it was not good; they wanted time to think and me to get past finals.
I don't remember a lot of what happened during this time frame, side effect of the depression. One of the things that I did remember was that Jet had called Mom one of those days hyperventilating. He kept asking what he did wrong, what I did wrong, if I was okay, if he could see or talk to me. Mom would answer him, and he would repeat the same question not two minutes later. She asked that Jet respect the rules and if he was going to talk to me it was going to be through my father.
I talked to Mom the other day, and she reminded me of some details that I didn't remember. As he hyperventilated he was saying a mixture of, "OhTwiohTwiohTwiohTwiohTwiohTwi" and "LahavemercyLahavemercyLahavemercy." Today, she laughs at his stupidity and panic, I do too. I didn't at the time.
Jet agreed to let me get though finals. I finished and made great grades, as usual.
You know, the one time Jet agreed to let my parents control me, that's where I became lost to him forever. It was at that moment that I began to take my life back. I spent four days without him. Now, I was thinking about him the whole time, crying for most of it. Spending so much time without hearing his voice, being told what to do or how to think gave me a second to breathe. And to think for myself once again. Even if it was just small thoughts, like how to have a better future. With Jet of course.
Those four days changed my life. Forever. This was the beginning of the end. All good things take work, this was no exception. I worked hard to learn what I was supposed to do and why the hell wasn't I perfectly happy with Jet?! That was a tough one to figure out and it took longer than everything else.
I wanted better from him. I wanted to be treated better. Four days without him let me see that because when I finally got to talk to him again it was a bit of a shock. It was all about trying to get me away from my home, and to him.
I talked to Jet over the phone on the fifth night. He was a big ball of tears. It was sad and pathetic. I knew it was, he was. But I loved him. Right? Our love was true. We could work through anything. Right? I thought we could, and I had tried, but this was just a little too much for me to handle all by myself.
I kept a journal of everything. I sometimes go back and read what I wrote. It takes me about two days to go over everything, I wrote a lot.
For months I went everywhere with a journal and a pen. Mom said it helped because when I wrote she saw me getting better. I didn't feel any different; I just needed to remember the things I wanted to tell Jet the next time I talked to him.
Since I was a small child I thought feeling and emotions were the stupidest things. I would be happy all the time and that was the end of it. So, what if it was a fake smile? So, who cared if I lived like a robot? If I didn't have emotions I couldn't get hurt. I liked it that way. As my depression got worse I put up more walls to keep the feelings (inward shiver) at bay. This meant I had a lot of work ahead of me.
I was so tired of feeling. Whether it was happy, sad, confused, or angry I didn't want or know what I was feeling anymore. I didn't know what I wanted. I was so confused. I would ask Mom questions occasionally or Jet to tell me something. Their opinions would never match up. I was being tugged in two different directions and I couldn't hear what my heart was telling me.
One journal entry says that I talked to Jet and he said it hurt to think about me. He no longer wanted to. He kept busy instead and tried to forget me. It was 'too painful.' He hurt me so much that night, from what I wrote. Here I was trying to find a way for us to weather this thing out and he is forgetting about me. It was like the ultimate betrayal. I was trying so hard on my end to remain hopeful, remain faithful. He was trying to forget me. Why couldn't he think happy thoughts about us? Was it really that hard?
He had said, "You were so far away. I can't hold you. It is like I'm single again!" What did he expect me to do? Run to him? I was a thousand miles away!
He felt like he was single because I wasn't there to give him a hand-job! Sorry, still a bit hostile. But then again, I'm not really sorry.
I was ready to move out. I wanted a place of my own, to call my own. A place where I was free from both Jet and the life I felt my parents were trying to force on me. I had dreams of being a pastry chef, someday. I thought that maybe I might pursue while supporting Jet though college. He didn't know if he wanted to work or not through school.
It got to the point that I really didn't want to talk to Jet anymore. I would let the phone ring though. And. Not. Answer. You could not imagine how nice it was to not have to listen to him.
I would blame it on mom because he would, again, just give me another bout of whining and complaining.
My mother babbled all types of things at the time. I didn't listen too well. I was going to make this work. No matter what. Every once in a while, she would come out with something strangely profound. It finally dawned on me that I deserve something better. One time she said, "If Jet walked up to a 20 something young woman who was educated, successful, wealthy, beautiful, and talented and said, 'I offer myself to you. Here is my offer, I will use you financially, abuse you physically, keep you in my mother's house so no one else can have you. And you will be mine forever.' What would that young woman would say? The only thing that separates you and that young woman is five short years."
That one I heard… as she described that young lady I realized that Jet was stopping me from being the person in every single way. He was a ball and chain that weighed me down. Keeping me from being all that I wanted and could be. I had even given up every dream I ever had to be with him and help him fulfill his.
I had started to crunch some numbers for getting my own apartment and tuition for schools and it was not possible to do it on my own. Support both of us, while both in college, I mean. It was looking like I would have to drop out.
At one point, my mother asked if I would stay at home for one more semester. I ran this by Jet because I was starting to feel uneasy about our future. And he forbid it. I was going to transfer to the college of his choice and I was going to live with him. That I couldn't have a future with my family, nor should I want one. He wouldn't be able to make it without my 'affection' my presence was required. This was also an eye-opener to me. He dictated my fate; I had no say in my life.
I still didn't know why or how I had screwed up my life so much, but I knew what was holding me back. Jet.
With mom and dad I was feeling better, sort of, I don't remember much. I do remember that I finally had my world on my own terms.
Mom and dad weren't laying down the law for fear of me running off and they would lose me forever. But they also saw that I was trying to be a better person than who I was.
Jet, I know that you read everything that I post. And if you find this again, because I have changed my penname, please LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! That would be much appreciated.
Jet still contacted me after I broke things off, still trying to be nice, via email and phone. I don't respond to him and it has been over a month since I have heard from him personally.
The last email I received reads:
"Hi Katara.
"I read the post you made on fan fiction about jet and Katara. I hope you are doing well. I wish we could talk. Because we can't speak, I can't get closer (I think that's how you spell that) on what happened between us. I wish you would answer my emails...
"How is USWT? How is your family? How are... You? Oh, what I would give to speak to you, just once. It has almost been 5 months since we've broken apart. If I could go back, I would have taken being friends. Obviously I would have changed completely to begin with. My affection problem, like it has become, I would make it disappear. Why don't you answer me? Is it because of us? I would like just to know how you are. I'd love to talk to you. I have so much to tell! The adventures of college here! How much I had to mature to live without my parents. How I am... I wonder if there's a part of you that misses me. I do miss you. I agree that complete separation painfully helps getting over the other person, but now maybe it could help to talk. I go to the Southern Watertribe often... I could see you once? It's understandable if that's wayyyy too much. But, texting back... I don't know...
"I wonder if you read this. I wonder how you feel about my emails. I often wonder if you have hate towards me... I dont mind if you hate me... I would still like to know you are okay...
"I don't know. Maybe in the future? If you can read this... Please... Think about answering me. Just think about it. Maybe it will make us both feel a little better. Maybe we can help each other get over the other. To be honest, I don't even care if you have a new boyfriend, and you two are happy in love and I'm not... I'd still like to know how you are doing...
"It's late... I'm going to the Southern Watertribe in the morning for a doctors appointment. I might have a tooth surgery soon. Anyway,
"Have a good night. I hope you sleep well, and your days are full of happiness...
"Sincerely,
"-Jet"
Here is actually the last communication I had with the sociopath:
"Jet:I wonder if Katara misses Jet. I'm sure that jet misses Katara a lot, and would like to see her again. I'm also sure that Jet still has love for Katara, and is sorry for all the mistakes he has made in the past. I believe Jet still dreams about Katara, and wants Katara to be happy.
"Jet:If I had to guess, I would say jet probably misses you and still thinks about you every day. He knows you two will most likely never be together again, but it does not change the fact that he will always love you. He probably hopes you to be happy, and wishes the best for Kataras future.
"Jet:Jet had no idea at the time any of this took place... However, Now he sees... Now jet sees what he did wrong... What he was not mature enough to understand...
"Jet is sorry... Sorry for using Katara, sorry for abusing Katara, sorry for hurting Katara. Jet wishes more than anything in the world to go back in time and change... And not commit such immature and abusive actions...
"Jet... Is... So... Sorry...
"Jet never meant to hurt Katara... He was just immature, and selfish... Jet wishes he could say to Kataras face how sorry he is...
"Jet:At this point, all that Jet can say is how sorry he is, and how much he wishes he could go back in time. Jet also wishes the absolute best for Katara and all of her family. The only thing Jet would like more than to go back in time to change himself, would be to be able to apologize to Katara in person. Jet still loves Katara, and is sure that his love will never fully go away. He only wishes things would have gone differently..."
Recently Jet had informed me that he cried, and that his mother cried. I will forever more wonder for whom those tears were for. How me-centric can this guy get?
One thing that will stick with me through the rest of my life is this: Life is the result of the choices you make. This saying rings in my head. It reminds me to make better choices than I have done in the past, which have served only to lead me down a path that was filled with unhappiness and abuse.
Today I refuse to let the memory of Jet control and dictate my life. I want to remember the lessons that I learned under his cruel treatment and move on with my life. I want to live it to its fullest. I want to enjoy it. I want to have fun.
I'm finally letting myself have some fun.
Now, I don't mean to say these things because I am trying to destroy this person who hurt me. This is anonymous for a reason. I write this because I need to say these things to help me heal from this whole ordeal. In the process if I help someone, which I have already done so don't sneer, then it is an added bonus.
It's just nice to know that I haunt Jet more than he haunts me. I am only haunted by nightmares while he is physically haunted by the mistreatment of me though my sources. All my family lives in the South Pole. As long as he lives here he will always be facing them and the challenges they present for a normal life or moving on for that matter.
The process of recovery is a long and slippery path. I fall often but I pick myself back up and try to take another step forward. I try really hard not to step backwards. I have cut ties with all of Jet's friends and any person who had tried to befriend me. I was never one to have friends myself. I have started from scratch to make a better life. One that I can live in without fear or feelings of unworthiness.
It has taken my about seven months to just be able to say that I am worthy. And now I fully believe it. I am worthy of happiness and a good life. Now that I have been through everything I have I look back and realize how stupid I was for not seeing the signs that he was every definition of a sociopath and would not treat me right.
I should have known when he didn't pay when we went out he wouldn't have supported me financially.
I should have known when he hit the wall that he would eventually hit me and become physically abusive.
I should have known that when he first hurt my psyche by asking my to bend my beliefs he was incapable of loving and mentally abusive.
I should have known when he put his needs above mine that he would never emotionally cherish me.
I should have known, but now I do.
I deserve better.
Until next time,
-Katara
www. Mcafee .cc / Bin / sb. Html – Definition of a sociopath. It's actually worth the read.
Posted 12/20/13