I thought I'd write a story. It's Alvon.
You have been warned…
Enjoy!
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Come up to meet you; tell you I'm sorry
"Al," Simon walked up nervously to his brother, "can we… talk?"
The other looked back. With a sigh, he set down his comic and turned to face his younger brother. Simon paused for a moment looking as he looked at his the bed wondering if it was okay to sit on.
"I won't bite," He said in a sigh.
The younger took in a shaky breath as he attempted to relax his shoulders and recollect his thoughts. The older stared back waiting for the younger to tell him what he already knew he was going to say.
"I… I didn't mean to…" He hesitated, "I'm sorry."
You don't know how lovely you are
"Sorry for what?"
He knew exactly what he was sorry for, but he wanted to hear him say it. He watched Simon look down at his jeans and gripped the bottom of them into a tight fist. He played with the hem tensely.
"…"
There was an awkward silence between the two as Alvin waited for an answer. Alvin looked intensely at Simon while Simon continued to keep his focus anywhere but Alvin. Everything was hard to say when you wanted to say so much and so little; everything was hard to say when you felt closed but exposed.
"I'm sorry…"
"Go on,"
"I'm sorry for..." Simon looked up slightly but quickly looked down when he saw Alvin's gaze meet his. A warm blush spread across his face.
"I'm sorry for brushing your feelings off." He whispered.
I had to find you; tell you I need you
"You do matter, and you've always counted," The rapid beating of his heart was exploding in his ears. "The one person you thought didn't matter, matters most."
"And?" He asked unmoved.
"I want you back," Alvin watched his eyes gloss over.
Tell you I set you apart
"Do you?"
"You're special."
"Am I?"
"You are."
"Would you do anything for me?"
"Everything."
"Why?"
"Because…" He felt so visible, "you're you."
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
"Anything else you'd like to say?"
"Do you not forgive me?"
"I don't know if I can," Alvin admitted a little gruffer than he intended. With a deep breath, he continued in a softer tone. "I want to, but I can't."
Simon looked at Alvin devastated. He told him; he told him that he needed him. He told him after hiding; after keeping his emotions locked away for no one to see. He felt like a glass wall had shattered into millions of pieces inside his heart.
Those months of being together were for nothing. He threw them away.
Oh lets go back to the start
"Please," The sound barely come out, "can we forget about what I said?"
Running in circles; coming up tails
"And where does that get us?"
Alvin felt his own heart break. He wanted Simon; he needed Simon, but everything they tried to work things out, they end result was always the same.
Nobody said it was easy
"I know being in a relationship is hard," Simon felt his tears slowly trickle down his face. "but, it's even harder when it's going to be with someone society tells you not to be with,"
"Fuck what everyone thinks, Simon," He saw Simon flinch at his choice of words, "We've tried so many times to get things right. And you know what?"
There was a pause.
It's such a shame for us to part
"Every time, you end up brushing my feelings aside."
Simon closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath. He wanted so bad to cry aloud, but he felt too embarrassed. It was bad enough that he had started crying in front of Alvin in the first place; however, sobbing like a 5-year-old would be even more degrading than this.
Here he was, pouring out his emotions, and now everything he said was all in vain. Alvin was right. He did this when he felt things were spiraling out of control even if it was just for petty things.
Nobody said it was easy
A normal relationship would be easy; a normal relationship was with a man and a women.
'That's what society taught me. But this is my life.'
Over time, he was slowly able to accept his feelings and sexuality, but he went through realization while being with Alvin. The pressure that he felt when people looked at them in the halls made him feel like everyone knew about them. This would somehow spark a fight between the two, and Simon's ever brilliant idea to "take a break", or to try and rationalize that their feelings weren't real; however, they always made up, and they always pretended the "break-ups" weren't real.
But Alvin had had enough. He wanted him back, but he didn't seem to want him.
It just wasn't fair.
No one ever said it would be this hard
"I wanted to be with you, because I felt something," Alvin started slowly. He lifted Simon's head up by gently placing the side of his finger under his chin. Simon's reflexes had him open in eyes in surprise. Keeping his soft touch, he used the other hand to brush away some of the tears that had fallen.
Simon felt his heart beat faster, his face flush deeper, and the urge to cry harder much stronger at the light creases. He felt his breath hitch as he caught himself about to let out a whimper.
How phatic he must have looked at that moment.
"When Dave and Theo went grocery shopping the day we had our fight," He took a breath, "the way you turned your head, and the way you blushed when I would make a snide remark made me realize how endearing you are. I love how shy you are because it makes me want to get you even more. You're so cute when you turn away,"
Simon tried to fight the desire to do just as Alvin had said. He hated being put in the spotlight because it made him feel self-conscience even if it was just the two of them.
"I couldn't get it out of my head. I saw you in a new light. We fight like an old married couple; we fight like two children who have a crush on one another," Alvin cupped Simon's face.
"W-why can't we start over then?" Simon asked in an insecure voice.
"While I love you to death, it's hard being with someone who can't love you back," Alvin slowly moved his hands away from Simon's face.
Oh take me back to the start
The warmth of Alvin was gone. He was gone. He crush. His lover. His best friend.
He wanted to save it, but he knew he had already dug his own grave.
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
"I do love you,"
"How many times have I heard that?" Alvin asked sharply. "every time we make up, I hear that. And every time I let myself fall for that. And do you know where it gets me? Heart break,"
"I-"
"My emotions are not something you can put on a graph or count as invalid, Simon. There are things in this world that can't be explained through data." Alvin was getting himself worked up. Simon wasn't the only one with pent up emotions.
"You can't tell me I can't love you because hormones are what control a teenage brain." He felt a pang of guilt hit him when he saw Simon biting his lip as he grasped to keep himself together. Great.
Pulling the puzzle apart
"I-I'm so sorry! I d-didn't mean t-too. I'm still figuring out… how to," He covered his face in his hands in shame, "I don't know how to… a-accept myself."
Alvin pulled Simon close to him as he cried into his shoulder. Oh, what had he just done? He was making assumptions about Simon's feelings and misreading them.
Questions of science
"Science doesn't always have an answer," Simon mumbled softy, "but… I needed a way to rationalize things,"
"Simon…" Alvin held him closer.
Science and progress
"Slowly, Alvin…" He let himself be held. "I just needed time to figure out who I was,"
Do not speak as loud as my heart
"But even through all that, I still always loved you,"
"Si…"
"I could never say it to your face," He was calming down slightly.
"Why?" Alvin asked in a calming whisper.
"I was too embarrassed," He thought for a second, "but I always regretted everything I would say to you. I wish I could have said what my heart wanted, but I couldn't,"
"Tell me now then. What did you want to tell me?" He whispered in his ear.
Tell me you love me
"That… I was afraid. I'm insecure, I need reassurance, and I'm an F-ing hot mess," He hugged Alvin tighter as he listed his flaws. Why would Alvin even want to be with someone as needy as him? He didn't deserve him, and he didn't deserve this.
"I- I love you,"
Come back and haunt me
His mind flooded with memories.
His accidental confession to Alvin.
Alvin's willingness to give things a shot—although after much thought.
Their first date.
Their first kiss.
The first time Alvin told him he loved him.
Their first fight…
…Their first break-up
Oh and I rush to the start
"Don't make me regret this," Alvin mumbled.
Running in circles; chasing up tails
Simon looked up from Alvin's shoulder, and for the first time since he walked in the room, made eye-contact.
Alvin watched Simon's grey eyes sparkle with tears. He was truly beautiful even when he was at his lowest moment. It was a weird thought, but he loved that Simon was finally being open with him. He knew his intentions.
How did he manage to do this? He told himself he wouldn't allow Simon to manipulate him like this.
'God he's lucky he's so cute.'
Coming back as we are
"I won't let you regret this," He looked down once again and felt a blush rise to his face.
Nobody said it was easy
He wanted to be the one that helped Simon accept everything about himself.
"Let's start completely over," Alvin laced their fingers together. "We don't have forget this happened—I never want us to. But, I want you to know, that I accept everything about you,"
"Alvin…"
'Damn it, please don't make me cry again.'
"Let's start with this," Alvin said leaning closer to Simon.
"I'm an idiot. A complete fool. I jump into things had first—who cares about consequences?"
"Alvin…" It was the confession he made a few days after Simon had let it slip that he loved him.
"I never think. For the first time in my life, I've had to think about something. This. What Is this? I could have easily brush you off, but I didn't. You made me think about something. You must be pretty damn special, Simon Seville,"
Alvin leaned in and sealed the distanced between the two.
I'm going back to the start
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WooHoo! I finished it!
I hope it made since, but if it didn't, feel free to ask me any questions.
Review please!