Mmkay, I read this aloud to my friends, and one of them laughed hysterically. The other, an avid stick-to-the-canon Star Wars fan, thought it was lame. For lack of a better title, this is being called Romance + Lame = Lameance.
Once again, this is a parody and written purely for humor. I am well aware of how otherwise crappy it is. :-)
"You may kiss the bride."
"This marriage is gonna have to be rated R!" Qui-Gon jeered.
"Shut up and kiss me, you son of a Sith!" Tahl shouted.
"You asked for it!" Qui-Gon beamed, scooping her off her feet and making out with her.
"Great, I'm going blind," Bant groaned.
"Speak for yourself," Obi-Wan moaned, crouching over a bucket and vomiting.
At that moment Mace Windu burst in. "Your wedding is all over the holonet! You're out of the Order! But before that: The Republic has fallen! Angry fangirls have taken over the Senate!"
"They're after you, Quiggy," Tahl shrieked. "Flee, my love!"
"I should have known they would come," Qui-Gon paled. He threw back his head and met Tahl's eyes. "I'm not leaving without you."
"No!" Tahl collapsed on the floor at the agony of her choice. "This is your only chance. Go!" She choked back a sob.
Two tears dripped down Qui-Gon's cheeks. "I love you," he gasped, giving her a final, dramatic kiss that lasted half a second.
Tahl pushed him away with a thrust of her head. "Go. Now. The fangirls will never tear us apart. You'll be in my heart. Forever!"
"And you in mine!" Qui-Gon yowled, running out of the room. Tahl swooned upon his exit.
"Should we get her some water?" Bant asked.
"Nah," Mace and Obi-Wan said simultaneously. The three of them had watched the exchange with bemused expressions.
"Anyone want juice?" Obi-Wan piped up.
As the Master and Apprentices filed out of the room, they heard the Tarzan yells of Qui-Gon Jinn as he fought off hysterical fangirls waving divorce papers for him and Tahl in his face.
"Until the day we both die, fangirls won't keep my love from thine!"
Did it make you laugh? Did it make you smile, gag, cry, or smash your computer into tiny pieces? Great! I'd love to know in a review!