Paper Mario: All Stars Parody
Season 1 Episode 1
Written: Nov. 12, 2017 to Nov. 13, 2017
One absolutely perfect day in the Mushroom Kingdom Princess Peach was standing next to her stock photo bed wearing some ugly dress.
"Oh, what a beautiful day…it sure is nice day." Peach said. " I am so glad that there is beautiful weather on my birthday. But it does look cold out though." But she didn't realize that it was supposed to be an absolutely perfect day.
"I'll have to bundle up when I go on my morning walk through the castle gardens…" Peach continued. She walked over to her photo of Paper Mario jumping. "Mario… You are so dreamy. I love you so much. I can't wait to be the queen one day. And if you marry me- I will be the happiest queen that ever lived. I will be married to the best king that ever lived. Well, I better go get ready to go downstairs."
After that insane amount of dialogue, there was a KNOCK KNOCK at Peach's door.
"Who is it?" Peach asked in a larger speech bubble than before.
"It is me, dear. May I come in?" An unknown to the audience voice asked. But before that person is revealed, let me just point out that that (yes that that is grammatically correct) there was a grammatical error in that person's sentence. Ok, you can carry on now.
"Come in." Peach said.
The person was… TOADSWORTH? WHAT A TWIST (not really). After an unneeded awkward pause, Toadsworth closed the door.
"Happy birthday, dear!" Toadsworth said. Oh yeah that's right it's Peach's birthday.
"Thank you, Toadsworth." Peach responded.
"You are quite welcome, dear. I can't believe you are another year older." Toadsworth said. "It seems like only yesterday I held you in my arms for the first…t-"
Somehow Peach interrupted him with her thoughts, and her mouth was agape. "Oh dear…I don't want to even think about the day I was born…" She thought. Suddenly a huge-ass tear fell from her eye and fell ever so slowly to the ground. "I hate when he brings that day up…"
"Listen dear…your mother would be so proud of you if she were here…" Toadsworth said.
"She died giving birth to me. I have to live with that everyday…" Peach said. Well thanks for dropping that huge bomb Peach.
"Dear…why do you still blame yourself? It wasn't your fault at all." Toadsworth said. "Things just happen and we can't stop them. I still miss your mother very dearly and I wish she had gotten to know you, but what's done is done. Please stop blaming yourself, Princess Peach. Man, I wish you hadn't found out how your mother died. I knew you would blame yourself but that wretched Bowser exposed that secret of course. Because of Bowser, you found out. I will never forgive him for that, never. But Peach- your mother wouldn't like seeing you blame her death on yourself."
Note to self: make sure not to have huge blocks of text.
"I know but…" Peach said.
"Just try not to worry about it dear. Try to have a good birthday, ok?" Toadsworth interrupted. "Breakfast will be ready soon. I'm really looking forward to your party tonight-you are going to get a really special surprise…"
Peach's mouth stopped being agape and she got a smile on her face. There was some white flash of light for no goddamn reason.
"Ok Toadsworth. I'm going to get ready. I'll be down in a minute." Peach said. Then Toadsworth left the room slowly because he's old. After he left, Peach's mouth went agape again.
"Oh Mom, but it is my fault and I can't change that." Peach said. "If you wouldn't have had me, you would still be alive."
For fucks sake Peach. Oh well lets just go to another plot before this gets too boring.
Meanwhile in the kitchen Luigi was making breakfast of incredibly small eggs. No one seemed to care that everything were stock photos. Suddenly an orange Toad walked in and jumped onto the incredibly tall chair.
"Hey Luigi! How is breakfast coming along?" The orange Toad who we don't know who his name is asked.
"It is coming along well." Luigi responded. Also I forgot to say that the L on his cap was backwards because the animator was lazy.
"Great. I sure am hungry." The orange Toad who we don't know who is name is and I'm definitely not doing this to increase my word count asked. "Has the princess came (you mean come) down yet? I would like to wish her happy birthday."
"No, not yet. She should be down soon though." Luigi answered.
Meanwhile outside the castle there was a figure that definitely was not Waluigi and just a completely back person with a question mark that I will call question mark.
"Luigi…I will have my revenge on you yet if it is the last thing I do." Question Mark said. "You will pay for what you did to me. When I get my hands on you…you are dead meat."
Meanwhile Toadette was outside standing near some fountain.
"Oh Toad, do you like me? I wish I knew…" Toadette said. "You probably don't, but I like you very much. I wish I could tell you…
Meanwhile back in the kitchen, Toad walked in.
"Hey brother Tim!" Toad said to the orange Toad who we now know is Tim. "Hey Luigi!"
"Hey Toad, have you told Toadette that you like her yet?" Luigi asked.
"So, you do like her! I am going to go tell her!" Tim said before Toad could say anything. Tim teleported off the chair and ran off.
"Luigi, that was supposed to be a secret!" Toad said. "I'm not ready for her to know yet! You better come back here, Tim. You can't tell her!" Then Toad ran off.
Meanwhile somewhere else in the castle, Mario was looking at a huge picture of Peach.
"Princess Peach…it won't be long now- I will make you my wife soon." Mario said. "I can't wait to PURPOSE to you tonight at your birthday party."
Ok, now you see what I did? You see that word right there? Purpose. How the fuck does anyone get propose confused with purpose. Like what the fuck. Okay let's get back to the story.
"I hope it is the best birthday surprise you have ever gotten." Mario continued.
And then Toadsworth came walking down the stairs up to Mario.
"I'm sure it is going to be the best birthday surprise she has ever gotten. I can't wait to see the look on her face when you PURPOSE to her, Master Mario." Toadsworth said.
Ok from now on I'm not going to even mention it I'm just going to do what I've been doing. And you know what I mean.
"Me neither, Toadsworth. I have been waiting so long to PURPOSE to her." Mario said.
"Yep. You two have been together for a long time." Toadsworth said. "You are so perfect for her. I am so glad you came into her life."
"The day I met her was the best day of my life." Mario said. "It is a pleasure to be in her life. I love her so much. I will never let anything bad happen to her."
"You're doing a great job, Mario." Toadsworth responded. You have saved Princess Peach from that nasty old Bowser several times. I know I can always count on you and Luigi. You and Luigi are super heroes and I am honored to have you two living in the castle with us now.
"I feel much safer with you two here. I can breathe a lot more easily at night. And I just can't wait for you to be named the new King of Mushroom Kingdom. You are going to make an excellent King, Master Mario. I know that this Kingdom will be in good hands.
"You will protect the kingdom from a lot of evil as it is. Well, I shall be heading to the kitchen now. See you at breakfast." Toadsworth then walked off.
Ok I just wanted to say that I had to separate that whole string of dialogue into multiple paragraphs due to how long that shit was. Oh well let's continue.
"I can't believe it." Mario thought. "I am actually going to PURPOSE to Princess Peach tonight. I can't wait."
Meanwhile somewhere in the sky, there was this random-ass castle just floating there. And guess what. Daisy lived there. Yes, the Daisy that memoryman3 obsesses over. And guess what. She is a goddamn witch. Yes, that's right, a witch. Also she had some weird bowl, I guess.
"I wonder what everyone is up to at the Mushroom Kingdom today…" Daisy said. She looked into her bowl and saw Mario standing in Peach's Castle like some dumbass.
"Oh, Mario…I want to be with you so bad. You are the only love I shall ever have." Daisy said. "Witches have to have significant others too you know… I wonder what Peach is up to…"
Daisy looked into her bowl and she saw Peach in her room.
"Well, looks like I am all ready to go downstairs. I just can't wait to see Mario." Peach said.
"Stupid Peach." Daisy said. "You may be my cousin, but I will hate your guts. I will never like you. Mario belongs with ME, not you! I hate you so much. I may be technically a princess since I am like a daughter to Toadsworth, but I will never have as much royal fame as you. You're going to be the Queen. If it weren't for you, I would be next in line. Ugh, I hate you! I could just imagine how great my life would be if it weren't for you! I will end your life one of these days, Peachy. Mark my words, I will…"
After all of that long rambling, Daisy heard a KNOCK KNOCK at the door.
"Oh my, who could that be?" Daisy asked. "I have to put this witchcraft away. I can't let anyone find out that I'm a witch! If anyone were to find out, I would be burned at the stake!"
She had some wand that floated in the air and then made this dark matter stuff. Then, stars suddenly started to appear everywhere.
POOF!
A big rainbow light appeared for a split second, and then Daisy's witch hat disappeared, along with the bowl.
"Coming!" Daisy said. She walked to the door, walking past her huge picture of herself (talk about vanity) and then opened the door.
Parakarry was there, and for some reason he was smaller than he was supposed to be.
"Greetings, Princess Daisy. I have a letter for you." Parakarry said. "This letter is a little late, sorry about that…"
Parakarry gave Daisy the letter.
"It's from your cousin, Princess Peach. I think it is an invitation to her birthday party they are throwing for her at the Mushroom Kingdom castle today." Parakarry said.
"Oh goody…thank you so much." Daisy said.
"It may be none of my business Daisy, but I think you ought to move back to the Mushroom Kingdom instead of living in your own castle up here in the middle of space." Parakarry said.
"Yeah, I know it is kind of funny, but I like living like this…" Daisy said. "Nobody will never know why I am really up here." Daisy thought. "I am really up here to be as far away from Princess Peach as possible. Being isolated from civilization is great. Nobody will ever find out that I am witch all the way up here…"
"That's cool how you like living up here." Parakarry said. "Well, I better get going. Please have a wonderful time at Princess Peach's party… Bye now!"
"Bye Parakarry!" Daisy said.
Parakarry then left.
Meanwhile, inside Bowser's castle, Bowser was just standing in his throne he room. For some reason I don't even fucking know, he had a picture of a picture of a picture of Peach. I don't even know what his fucking logic is. Also he has some stock photo of himself hanging up.
"Oh, Princess Peach…you are so dreamy." Bowser said. "You will be mine one day. Next time I kidnap you…I won't fail. My next plan won't fail. Mario won't get in the way next time. He won't because he will be dead! I swear I'm going to get rid of him!"
And just then, Kammy Koopa walked in.
"What's wrong Bowser? You need to remember your blood pressure!" Kammy said.
"Who cares?" Bowser said. "I am filled with rage! And I won't rest until Mario is gone and Princess Peach is mine!"
"Just try to calm down…I ensure you our new plan won't fail." Kammy said.
"It better not." Bowser said. "I can't wait to crash that party tonight. Ha! It is going to be fun. And this time, I am going to take Princess Peach for good."
Meanwhile in Peach's castle Mario was still standing in the same spot like a dumbass. And then Peach walked downstairs to see Mario.
"Good morning, my love. Happy Birthday!" Mario said.
"Thank you so much, Mario. That is very sweet of you." Peach said.
Suddenly Peach's lips turned huge and red as she went up to kiss Mario. Mario had to jump up to meet her kiss because he was too damn short. Also some random heart appeared above their head. Then after a few seconds the kiss stopped and all was right in the world again.
"So, are you excited about your party tonight?" Mario asked.
"I can hardly wait. I am very excited, honey." Peach said. "It is going to be a very special night at this castle. We are going to have a lot of guests over. And I even think my cousin Daisy is coming. I haven't seen her in a long time. I am really looking forward to seeing her."
"I hope she shows up. I have no idea why she isolates herself so…I really wish I knew. She could always live here with us. She has always been like a daughter to Toadsworth and like a sister to me since he practically raised her. Sigh… It is just sad how her parents died in a car accident when she was just an infant. I never got to know my Aunt and Uncle. I have always been close to Daisy…we grew up living under the same roof when we were little. But I wonder if she is jealous of me."
"Daddy…umm…I mean Toadsworth always told her that she was a Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom too. I hope she isn't mad that I am next in line for Queen." Peach finally finished her long-ass rambling. "As soon as you marry me Mario I will be queen. When will you PURPOSE to me?"
"Don't be silly. Daisy isn't like that." Mario said. "Besides, you two are very close. I'm sure her isolation is just a personal preference. It has nothing to do with you."
"You're right. Daisy will never turn on me." Peach said. "But it is odd how she doesn't talk to me much anymore… And she never comes by and visits us…"
"Well maybe she is just busy or something." Mario said. "I'm sure there is a valid reason for her isolation. It has nothing to do with you though, I'm sure of that. You're right. I guess I'm just a little edgy today-"
Excuse me while I go play Shadow The Hedgehog.
…
Okay, now back to the story.
"Because you know, I've been thinking about my mom today…" Peach continued.
"Honey, don't worry about that please. Today is your day to be happy." Mario said. "Your mother's death was not your fault at all. Daisy's isolation isn't your fault either. You blame yourself for so much and there is no reason to. Cheer up, honey. It is your birthday."
"You're right. I'm going to try to enjoy today." Peach said. "I'm not going to think about Mom anymore today. It is just hard not to because my birthday is also the anniversary of her death…"
Then Luigi walked in at this exact moment in time.
"Breakfast is ready!" Luigi said. Then he walked out making that his only line this scene.
"I'm starved." Mario said.
No, Mario. You're not starved. You're just hungry. Don't make fun of those starving children in Africa you asshole.
"Yeah me too…" Peach said.
For fucks sake Peach.
Then Peach and Mario walked out of the room.
Meanwhile Tim and Toad were outside next to a badly cropped clipart bush (yes I'm not even joking)
"You better not tell Toadette!" Toad said.
"She's over there…I am going to go tell her right now." Tim said.
"You better not tell her." Toad said. "I am not ready for her to know yet. I will tell her when I am ready."
"You have got to let Toadette know." Tim said. "Go tell her right now before I tell her."
"Why are you so worried about her knowing that I like her?" Toad asked.
HOLY SHIT WHOA ITS TIME FOR FLASHBACK #1 EVERYBODY HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOO
Meanwhile in this flashback Tim was talking to Toadette at the same fountain she is at right now.
"Tim, I really like your brother." Toadette said. "Sometimes he acts like he likes me, but I don't know if he does or not. I wish he would tell me if he does. Listen, if you find out that your brother really likes me- please let me know or get him to tell me."
HOLY SHIT WHOA FLASHBACK #1 IS OVER NOW ITS TIME TO GO BACK TO THE PRESENT
Oh wait except we cant because episode 1 is over
Author Note: I will respond to all reviews. This will be updated weekly (most of the time)