AN: I've sort of merged human-life with the Otherworldly. Apparently, Alec and the Lightwoods have a big family and Magnus is a warlock like normal- open minds, please!
Magnus' POV.
It's bothered me a few times in my many centuries of living. Sometimes it creeps up on me and surprises me, where I'm suddenly aware that my chest is aching and longing for something familiar. Sometimes, it's stood like a glorified pillar blocking everything else from my thoughts, covered in glitters and sparkles so I can't miss it. It's so blatant it takes over everything for days, and it takes me just as long to suppress it and move on already.
Other times, it's a dull nagging feeling in the back of my head that comes and goes as it pleases over the space of, usually, a few hours for a few days, once every decade. It's sporadic, sneaking up on me when I least expect it. A walk in the park, shopping in the centre's, walking down the street, looking, even glancing at someone – it doesn't even have to be a family unit anymore.
The gut-wrenching, mind-pulling, bone-splitting problem is that I can never tell its happening until it does. Being a high warlock, you think I'd be severely in tuned with my feelings and emotions, I've had centuries to get used to them after all. However, this is something that I've never had the pleasure of controlling, much less taming or even befriending. The raw feelings of being lost, being alone and isolated, being different, separated, rootless with no familial ties to anything. Just to exist. If I think about it long enough, then past memories scream into the back of my mind like a whirlpool that wont stop. People I've cared for, people I've lost, people that I've helped, ignored, watched, followed, protected, hurt—So many faces, so many faded faces and distant names and scents that eventually, it's far too easy to forget. And when you do, you feel guilty.
But it's Christmas day. And I wake up as usual, unsuspecting of anything. Chairman Meow leaps onto my bed to greet me, his head snuggling into my hand hovering by my side for him. And it hits me like a brick. He has me to care for him, we rely on eachother, even if he does disappear every now and then; we both need space and it's probably a good thing. But today, I tell myself that whenever Chairman disappears, it's because he's gone to find his family. That he knows they're around somewhere and he's gone to find them, so he knows where he belongs. Because that's what you need on Christmas day, a sense of family and belonging. Two things of which I've never properly cared for. I had Chairman, my magic and everything else I could need. Including Alexander. He has his own sense of family, the Lightwoods, and his own sense of belonging now they know about us. He's complete, I guess you could say. My parents have been dead for a long time now, and it doesn't bother me at all on normal days. Today, however, I find myself thinking what it would be like if we were all together, to have Christmas around that small round wooden dining table again with paper chains hanging as decorations. I push the thoughts away, knowing today will be one of those on-off days of stupid thinking. I put on the clothes I chose last night and ask Chairman if he'll be accompanying me to the Lightwoods, as I've been invited to theirs for Christmas dinner. They are my family now. But it doesn't feel right. They can't fill the emptiness that's been getting deeper and deeper since my parents … left. No'one has managed to bridge the gap, to fill the hole, or even manage to cover it up and ignore it. It wont go away, and as much as thinking the Lightwoods are my family now, they won't ever truly be. They can't be. Chairman sticks close to my ankles, signaling he's ready to leave. He's expecting a portal. I take the door keys, wait for him to reluctantly follow, and we walk.
Alexander is less than impressed that I'm late of all things.
"You have a portal!" He exasperated. "Being late should never happen! Come on" He winds his hands around my arm and pulls me into their home. It's warm, cosy and it smells like tinsel. There's music playing at the perfect volume and it's coming from every room. Chairman instantly heads for the kitchen, closely followed by Church. Alec tugs me into the living room, where it's crowded with people. I recognize the usual people, cast wary glares at the unfamiliar ones, but I'm instantly soothed when Alec begins telling me that they're his relatives. There's the old couples around, a few younger children who are easily entertained by the kitties in the kitchen, the older adults by the roaring fire who are looking relaxed in their fancy outfits. Then there's the usual young suspects, who are laughing and joking about whatever in the far corner where the sofas are. Izzy and Clary are hugging, Izzy's hair pulled into a messy bun with curly ends. Her low-backed floor-length Christmas green dress makes her look like an emerald. Clary has her hair down, waving down the back of her modest-length black dress. They greet each other as sisters I'm deaf to Alec's introductions, and slightly startled when he leaves me to help with the preparations. I lean against the doorframe and observe. No'one else has come to greet me and they all seem perfectly happy doing what they are doing; needless to say I feel slightly outcast and my thoughts start to stray.
One of the young children, a girl, about five or six, has picked up a Christmas cracker from the table. She's raced over to, presumably, her father and asking him to break it with her. He's surrounded by his friends, I see Mr Lightwood, and they're all dressed smartly in shirts and ties. The presumed-father tells her they're for later and she puts it back, but she runs back to him with a grin and he scoops her up with a laugh. Something tugs at my chest; I look elsewhere. Alec is helping Max to put the decorations on the Christmas cake. Back in the living room, Jace is holding Clary's hand discretely behind her back whilst they talk with some of the older adults; he then leans to kiss her head and she chuckles. The older couple by the fire find it sweet and offer them a raised glass. I notice their hands are clasped just as lovingly as Jace and Clary's are. I shift my position on the doorframe as people walk around. I catch a glimpse of one of the grandparents shuffling around, on each of his toes are the smaller feet of a young girl, he's holding her hands carefully like she's a treasure; they're dancing together, both laughing. Air. My head spins ever so slightly as I push off from the doorframe and head outside into the back garden. As I do, I pass Mayrse and Robert – who has now moved into the kitchen where his wife is double checking the fridge. He sneaks up behind her, his hands sliding onto her small waist and then around her stomach as he kisses her exposed neck with a smile.
I glance back at the living room; Alec's in there with the others and they look like they've begun a game of charades. I open the back door, the thought of leaving occurring to me. Chairman is instantly at my feet, as if reading my thoughts. I scoop him up and close the back door behind me Their garden is immaculate and well kept. Alec once told me that Max quite liked gardening, once he got into it. I found it a funny thought, but now, I thought he was brave. I can't keep a fake plant looking alive, never mind a real one. Chairman settles in my arms as I sit on the bench near the small pond.
"Did you see them?" I murmur, stroking his head softly. "It was a bad idea to come, wasn't it?"
"Mow" His head brushes my chin.
"That girl listened to her father without so much of a shout" I sigh. "Just obeyed, cause he just told her. My father never just told me to do things. Always shouting, always yelling"
"Meow" Chairman nudged his way back into a curled form on my lap.
"Never laughed" I recall. "Not unless …" Not unless it was something sick and horrific or ironic. I don't want to scare Chairman away. "I used to pretend I had siblings" I chuckle. "An older brother somewhere, or a younger sister to protect" I grin as I remember this. Friends weren't easy to make, and the ones I did have were always cautious. Siblings I knew were nonexistent, which is why I found it intriguing looking at the bonds between any siblings I came across. How they always said they hated each other, or they'd love to be an only child. It was ridiculous how much I wanted to yell at them for being stupid and not being appreciative enough. They had no idea how much I longed for a sibling to share things with, to do things with. And grandparents? I never knew mine. Never knew the little trips to see the old people who'd give you sweets if you were good, or even money if it was an occasion. No granny to spoil you rotten with baked goods, or no grandpa to dance with you on his toes. As for parents; I'd never seen my parents as openly affectionate as Mr and Mrs Lightwood, at least not as they are at Christmas. I pluck Chairman off my knees and scoop him up comfortably. I find the Lightwood's shed and close the door behind me, making a portal back to my apartment.
"You're leaving?" The door creaks open behind me and a small head pokes in.
"Max?" I say, surprised. Chairman jumps from my arms and heads for the kid. "Traitor" I whisper.
"You can't leave" Max opens the door further and puts a foot inside. "There's cake and presents yet" I raise my eyebrows. Max is allowed to be innocent like this, he's still a child. "And…I know Alec will miss you" He adds. "You're not as sparkly" He observes.
"I thought I'd make an effort not to scare off your family" I sigh and the portal closes behind me. The shed darkens, but Max seems happy enough.
"Oh…" Max frowns. "Well, you can go home and get all glittery and come back" He suggests. "If it'll make you feel better"
"Thanks Max, but I don't think it's the lack of glitter that's getting me down today" He groans, frustrated, and kicks the doorframe lightly.
"Then come back inside and stop being a nincompoop" He grumbles. "Besides, I have a present…for you" This caught my interest.
"A present?" He nods. "For me?!" I can't hold back my surprise or my curiosity. "…but I have to go back in there?" I indicate towards the main house and he nods.
"They're not all that bad. The old folks are a little slow and you may have to repeat things – but…"
"You don't have to justify your family to me, Max" I kneel down to his level and place my hand on his shoulder. "You should love them for being them. They aren't my family"
"Alec wants them to be" Max says in a rush, fiddling with his fingers. "He tried really hard to get everyone here, he even explained to them all that you were slightly more than …normal…" He glances at me to see if he's offended me. Deciding he hasn't, he continues. "He told them all to act normal…not to do or say anything weird" He glances back at the house across the garden. "And they haven't – right?"
"They haven't really said anything" I shake my head at him and sigh.
"Will you stay? For Alec?" I stand up and flex my legs a little.
"I guess…I should"
"I'll get your present then! Meet me in the living room!" He rushes off with a grin, Chairman chasing after him. I close the door to the shed and lock it, walking back across the lawn. Then, I get the tingly feeling on the back of my neck, which only really happens when-
"Did you really think you could just leave?" Alexander.
"…you seemed content" I compromise, allowing him to sneak up behind me and wind his hands around my shoulders. It feels weird; not many people get to that height on me, at least not for it to be comfortable.
"I wouldn't have been if we'd started eating dinner, and you weren't sat next to me" His chin snuggles into my neck. "In fact, I'd have been rather annoyed and would have felt like you'd stood me up" I open my mouth to retaliate, but he continues. "Not only that, but it would've been very embarrassing considering how I'd explained to my whole family that they'd finally get to meet this 'Magnus' I've been raving about since forever – only for you not to be there"
"…you rave about me?"
"Thatsbesidethepoint" Alec gushes. "Maybe I shouldn't have left you alone"
"It's not you" I spin to face him and his arms loosen around my neck.
"Is it the age thing again? Cause I already explained that to-"
"More like a time thing" I interrupt, a finger on his lips. "And a people and family thing" I frown as his lips move to cover my finger. He bites playfully and I yank it back.
"Mag" He whispers, his face pale but lovely in the moonlight. It's cold, so his breath comes as smokey whisps on the air.
"Its selfish" I tell him. "Im selfish" I clarify but he still looks confused. "You have a family, a wonderful family that's special. Something to treasure. And I know you and your siblings have your arguments, you don't see it like I do" He offers me a smile. "I probably sound like a grumpy old man, and I apologise for that, but you should treasure them" I indicate to the whole living room and he follows my finger.
"You've not had a proper family in centuries" Alec murmurs softly. "…Painful?" He guesses.
"Only when I think about it"
"I guess bringing you here like this wasn't helping then" His head falls, discouraged.
"It's not all bad. I could have a conversation with your grandparents about world war two. I could talk to you lot about recent happenings and lord knows I'll stay away from the little kiddies, so you don't need to worry about me scarring them for life" Alec laughs quietly. "I love you" It takes seconds to realize we both said it at exactly the same time, at which we both grin at.
"We're getting good at that" Alec's fingers twine with mine. They're warm. "Living room?" He tugs me from the garden and back into the living room, where Max spies us and comes over to me with a surprisingly large box. More tall than wide, like an upright rectangle. I frown.
"This is for me?" I question. "It looks mighty suspicious" I bend at the waist and offer Max a humorous bow as I take the box from him. "Are you sure?" I ask again. He nods eagerly.
"I made it…" He trails off, glaring at the box, trying to see through it. "I hope you'll like it"
"You don't mind your brother giving me presents?" I ask Alec, who's grinning.
"I'll give you one later" Alec kisses my cheek. "Open it"
"You know what it is" I state and he nods. I open the top of it and put my hand inside. There's glittery tissue paper for padding, but I instantly feel the rim of what I know to be a top hat. I pull it out carefully and Max's eyes light up. It's a black top hat, much like the Victorian period, only it's got a gold sparkly thick ribbon around the spherical parts and it's decorated beautifully with Christmas ornaments. Of course, primarily it's glittered and brightly coloured.
"We all sort of helped" Max confesses. "Jace found the hat, Izzy helped to buy the materials, Alec said which ones you'd like or not like and I put it together" He says proudly. "Is there too much glitter? I thought there might be too much glitter…" I chuckle loudly at this and pat the kid on the head.
"You can never have too much glitter" I place the hat on my head and it fits perfectly; it even works with my outfit. The added glitter suddenly brightens my mood and I feel more like me. "Thanks Max" I smile genuinely at him and he seems impressed.
"And the other one!" Max rolls onto his tip toes and peers into the box. Confused, I put my hand inside it and feel the sharp corner of something hard. I pull it out; it's a frame. Inside it are many pictures of all the Lightwoods and myself, on separate occasions, but each one of myself with at least one member of the Lightwood family. Even Robert!
"We're not trying to replace your family or anything" Max defends himself, biting his lip. "Unless you want us to, in which case, I guess we could be-"
"Max…" Alec says softly. The kid understands the hint and moves to leave, but quickly hugs my waist before he does. He catches me off guard and I'm stunned into place. He releases me and runs off, leaving me with Alec, who's smiling at me curiously. "Is it ok?" He asks lightly. I have no words for him, so I do what I feel I have to. I lean over and kiss him, right on the lips, hoping that it'll be enough to say everything that I can't.