A/N: Sorry for the extreme amount of...suck. And, you know. Out of chara. But it's a crack!fic. So it's okay. Right?

Disclaimer: No. Do not own. DC. Unowned by me. Okay? NO.

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"There's no way," sounded the voice of a young boy in the awkward silence. Seconds passed. And another second passed. And another.
And sound was born again with a sigh.
"Listen to me. I've been working on this for a week straight. It's got to work!"
"The answer is still no."
"Don't you want to turn back, Kudo?"
"Do you want to kill me, Hattori?"
Awkward silence #2 passed slowly.
"...Will you at least explain why you don't trust me?"
"I don't think there's enough time in the world, but let's start with your basic intelligence. One. You wear a hat."
"...Alright, you lost me. I don't get it."
"Exactly."
"But what's wrong with wearing a hat?! It looks cool!"
"You're only proving the point further, Heiji."
"What's wrong with my hat, midget?!"
"Well, alright. First problem with your hat? It's backwards. Heiji, let me explain this to you gently. You are not a gangsta. Second problem with your hat? It looks dumb."
"...You wear a bowtie. I don't need your input on fashion."
"I wear the bowtie because it's useful."
"Well, that hat keeps the sun out of my eyes. It's useful too."
"What kind of a detective are you? The hat is backwards. It can't keep sun out of your eyes, dipstick."
"Alright, forget the bloody hat. What's the second thing you mentioned."
"You're in love with a girl."

"...I'm in love?"
"Now do you see why I don't trust you?"
"...No. Wait, who am I in love with? And, hold on a minute! What about you!?"
"...What about me?"
"You're in love with Ran, aren't you?"
*blush*
"W-what are you talking about, baro? I..I'm not...UGH. A-anyway. Poor Kazuha..."
"No, wait, Kudo! Don't walk away! Kazuha? Love? Hats?! What are you talking about?! KUDOOOO!"

***

Ran Mouri sat hunched under a table, her knees drawn to her chest and her breath drawn into her lungs. Every beat of her heart seemed to stretch the membrane of her skin further, almost to the point of leaping out of her chest. Why? The words 'Kudo' and 'Ran' and 'Love' echoed through her mind hauntingly and wouldn't stop. What had just occured?
She didn't know. She just didn't know what to make of it. Conan was Shinichi, wasn't he. He was.
He was.
And he loved her.
Ran wasn't given much time to contemplate these issues, though-
"Ran-chan! What are you doing?!"
Kazuha. Ran smirked as she slid gracefully from under the table.
"Kazuha?"
"Yes?"
"Hattori mentioned he was free tomorrow night...."
Well, even if she and Shinichi couldn't be happy yet, Kazuha might as well enjoy life...

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Eh, sorreh. It was supposed to be funny, sort of. It's not like 'ha-ha' funny, or even 'ehehehe' funny for that matter, but it's kind of light. Just some, you know, shallow reading. Nothing deep and drawn out of a story, but just some soft, soothing reading. As for what was occurring, all I'm going to say is 'Hattori had an idea' and let you think on that.

Now let's go to the real thing. If you just read this, I'm just going to say something to you.
I'm sorry it sucked.
Now let me say something else.
Up until 'Awkward silence #2....' I intended this to be a real fic. And it's going to be. So, just so you know, I'm going to probably rewrite this later on.
But for now, I have a headache.

('_')# reviewers get waffles.