Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. Grief tightened around his ribcage with each breath. If he stood up he was sure his ribs would crack and he'd die then and there in that church. That didn't sound like a bad idea after all. He never once looked at the coffin. If he had, he'd have to accept the fact that she's gone. He'd have an aneurism that instant, he was sure. That seemed like a good idea too. Except he couldn't stand or look up. It was like in one of those dreams where you can't move or speak and you're trying to scream or run away. Except he didn't want to run away from her. He wanted to lay next to her and wait for his own end. The funeral was a blur, as if his body decided to make him numb and he was grateful for that. Taking his suit off, her favourite suit of his, felt like a relief until he loosened his tie. The dark purple tie she liked to play with. She'd slide her fingers over it and give him that look; the one that made him kiss her breath away because she was so damn cute and sexy. Sometimes she'd just pull his tie to bring him closer and he'd be the one moaning into their steamy lip''lock. He started sobbing and couldn't stop. His heart thundered, his body shook uncontrollably and he felt the bitter vile spiraling it's way from his stomach into his mouth. He rushed into the bathroom and spent the next hour throwing up and crying, the fever taking over his exhausted body. Washing his face, he dragged himself to bed and fell asleep hugging her nightie. He slept for three days, never letting go of the nightie and her children gave up on waking him up.
The subtle lavender and honey scent made him smile and he opened his eyes. It was snowing outside, and the cracks in the fireplace made him look around. He was in a cabin on a lake, and a petite, soft frame was cuddled against him.
''Hi'' she smiled rubbing her eyes''We fell asleep'' she hid her face in the crook of his neck and kissed it. Slowly, as if she was made of glass, he tightened his arms around her.
''Hi''he smiled back and kissed her almost bruisingly. Moaning, she wrapped her arms around his neck and straddled his hips.
''What has gotten into you?'' she smiled running fingers through his hair and softly massaging his scalp. He purred and she giggled.
''I missed you'' he leaned his forehead into her breasts and pulled her closer.
''Missed me?'' she tilted her head curiously and it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.
''I love you, Sharon'' Andy almost whispered''I don't want to live without you. I don't ever want to feel the pain of you not being my wife. You're my best friend and the love of my life. What's the point of me being on this planet if I don't have my wife beside me?
''Andy…''Sharon frowned''You are more than a husband – she smiled'' You're a colleague, a father, a bonus father, a friend. There are so many people who love you and who need you to love them back'' she kissed his cheeks and lips punctuating her words and he smiled until it hit him.
''I am the best version of myself when I'm with you'' Andy teared up''But you're not here. This isn't real'' he looked at her and Sharon started crying.
''No, my love. This is a dream'' Sharon hugged him and he couldn't let her go.
''I miss you so much, princess. If only…''he looked away.
''Look at me. Honey, look at me''she cupped his cheeks with her palms and he felt like he could finally breathe'' Don't you ever wish that. I'd never forgive you. Do you hear me?''Sharon sounded so sad and broken.
''Let's make a deal. You love deals. We should make a deal'' Andy decided for the both of them.
''This should be interesting'' Sharon crossed her arms and gave him her best Darth Raydor look.
''I won't try or ask the guy upstairs to take me to you or do anything stupid if you come to me in my dreams'' Andy was serious but she saw the unshed tears in his eyes.
''What if I'm late one night or otherwise occupied? I mean, I had a fan base in IA and my popularity blew the roof off when I became Commander. Lots of guys at the precinct dream about me, for various reasons''Sharon teased and Andy pulled her into a kiss that had her almost crawling inside him.
''Just come to me, princess. Just for a moment, just for a kiss'' Andy sounded desperate and lost'' Just until I learn to live alone again. It won't take long, I promise. I'll make you proud of me; I swear. I'll be the best widower you've ever seen'' he smiled through tears.
''I get to say when you have to wake up. And you don't get to nap during the day'' Sharon laughed when he blushed.
''Fine''Andy sighed and extended his hand''Deal.
''Deal''Sharon shook it and giggled when he pulled her into a kiss.
''I love you Sharon Flynn''Andy closed his eyes leaning his forehead into hers.
''And I love you Andrew Flynn''Sharon whispered''Wake up, honey. Wake up…''her voice sounded distant and Andy opened his eyes. It was a hot Monday morning and the traffic was roaring from the streets, reminding him of the cruel reality he woke up to. A mix of sadness, relief and dispair made Andy shiver. Her kiss, her touch, the way she smiled…it was so real. It helped and it made it worse for him, but he realized he could breathe a bit deeper than three days ago. Grief was still a tight armor but he knew it would loosen up under her touch. She said she'd come to him. She had to. They made a deal and, in reality or dreams, Sharon Flynn would never refuse or break a good deal.