I don't own Harry Potter, or the song Sister Psychic. Honestly, if I did, do you think I'd be posting this?
The Sister Psychic Incident
by
Adamantine Timex
It was another boring and rather predictable day in Divination class. Trelawney predicted Harry's death again at the start of class, leading to snickers and ribbing by his friend, Ron. Said ribbing led to Ron rubbing his sore bicep. Really, you shouldn't make fun of midgets. Horrible tempers they've got.
The class soon settled down into it's normal routine. The young man in question was, along with most of the class with the exception of Lavender and Parvati, who were hanging on the probably high teacher's words in rapt fascination, and Ron, who was out and snoring like a mountain troll, dozing due to the combination of the rather thick cloud of incense and the intense heat of the room. Sally-Anne Perks, another Gryffindor, was discreetly watching him, thinking that he was rather cute when he slept. As such, she was the only one who saw the beginning of what would later be known as the Sister Psychic Incident, an event that is not to be confused with the Sister Christian Incident. That happened in the 1980's, long before Harry Potter every set foot onto the grounds of Hogwarts.
Harry's eyes snapped open, but instead of the normal emerald green, they were pure white, with a faint glow emanating from the orbs. He jumped to his feet, the noise of his shoes hitting the floor startling those nearby enough to wake them from their stupor.
Trelawney, who had been speaking in a rather loud voice about how Mars was converging with Venus or some other astrological claptrap, leading to a high likelihood of violence in the near future of a certain black-haired, bespectacled boy, broke off in mid-sentence at the interruption.
Harry took a deep breath and began in a clear, and not unpleasant voice, "Sister Psychic won't you tell me, does it ever get better," as he threw his robe to the ground, leaving him in his slacks and white shirt.
"Can you really see the future," he asked as he strode over to the window, "or just predict the weather," punctuating the word weather with the slamming of the window into an open position.
Turning to face Trelawney with his arms held out at his sides, "Are we in our finest hour, or headed for disaster?" He pointed at her and sang, "Use your magic powers, and rescue me."
Gesturing at the rest of the class, he continued, "We were there at the start, we've got Polaroids to prove it, skateboards and," he jerked up his sleeve at this point, showing off the scar from the basilisk fang, "scars, and embarrassing home movies."
Turning to face the class, his voice rang out, "But if you really want to see, where it's all headed, turn on the TV., she's all telling all knowing," then, in a softer tone, "She knows everything," ending the verse by pointing at Trelawney.
"Sister Psychic won't you tell me, does it ever get better,
Can you really see the future, or just predict the weather
Are we in our finest hour, or headed for disaster
Use your magic powers, and rescue me."
Throughout the chorus, Harry had stood still, but with the beginning of the new verse he sprang back into action.
Running across the room, Harry pointed to a poster of Sirius Black that had appeared on the wall sometime since Harry had begun singing, "Can you help us find the ones, on the missing posters." Fingering the tie that Hermione had given him on his birthday, he continued, "is my baby being true, am I doing what I'm supposed to, could you help me find my keys, or better yet, life's meaning." At this he looked up at the ceiling for a brief moment, before his head snapped down and his gaze and right index finger focused on a deck of cards on a table, "Are those tarot, or dialogue cards that you're reading? C'mon, tell me everything."
Striding back over to his table, he sang, "Sister, why would I tell you, my deepest, dark secrets," as he reached into his bag, pulling out a book, "so you could take my diary, and rip it all to pieces." Throwing some Muggle money out onto the table he shared with Ron, he called out, "Just 6.95, for the very first minute, I think you've won the lottery, that's my prediction."
Looking directly at Trelawney, he intoned, "Sister Psychic, won't you tell me, does it ever get better?" Gesturing at the crystal balls on a shelf, "Can you really see the future," then, with a gesture towards the window, "or just predict the weather? Are we in our finest hour, or headed for disaster?" He pointed from Trelawney to himself as he finished, "Use your superpowers, and rescue me," and collapsed onto his chair with the last word, dead to the world.
Everyone was staring at him in shock, unsure of what to say. After all, what does one say after one's classmate randomly bursts out into song in the middle of class? A song that seems to have been intended to poke fun at the teacher at that?
Trelawney was the worst off of the lot. She was just staring at Harry, mouth opening and closing as if she wanted to say something and just couldn't find the words, or as if she were a fish stuck on dry land, desperately trying to take in air. She looked rather like a large, bespectacled bug/fish/human hybrid. Seamus absentmindedly wondered whether she might be an experiment of Hagrid's.
The silence was eventually broken in a way that shocked the class even more than they already were. Shy, timid, Neville Longbottom spoke up with a question that had crossed the minds of more than a few of the magically raised children in the class, asking, "What the fuck is a skateboard?"
AN: To forestall all of the bitching that is bound to come my way, I know that the song Sister Psychic was released in 2001, well ahead of the time frame of Harry Potter. If it makes you feel better, imagine that Harry Potter takes place at a later date. Or that, maybe, Harry really does have a psychic gift. Whichever one floats your boat or stuffs your bra.