Love

Hurts

A continuation of my timeline following Abby and Owen's escape from Los Alamos, this story describes the Owen's request to be transformed into a vampire, so that he can remain with Abby forever.

They sat on the porch of the abandoned ranch house on the vast eastern plains of Wyoming. The son had descended sluggishly behind the Tetons a good four hours ago, and Abby had clambered out of her trunk two hours before that. Owen had fed them a spartan dinner; her a few pints of O Positive from a blood bank they had broken into in Caspar, and him a bologna sandwich on Wonder Bread, washed down with the last of the water from their canteen. He would have to find pump to fill it in the morning. An early fall breeze ruffled their hair, and caused Abby to scoot closer to Owen and wrap her arms around him tighter.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop faking it."

"Faking what?"

"You're not really cold, are you?"

Abby rubbed her cheek against the shoulder of Owen's sweatshirt.

"I like hugging you. I'm not faking that."

"I know. I'm sorry. I like it too."

Abby kissed the corner of his mouth softly, sending a not-unpleasant shiver through Owen's entire body. It had been seven months since they had put Los Alamos behind them, and every day since had been a constant struggle, made bearable only by the fact that they weren't alone. At the end of the day, despite all of the hitchhiking, foul weather, disgusting motel rooms, missed meals, and slaughtered stray animals, there were always together. Whether they were making each other laugh so hard their stomachs hurt or just quietly resting with each other like they were doing now, these were the moments that Owen lived for. They were enough to make him keep persevering, keep trying to be the tough guy he knew Abby needed him to be. But despite the fact that he had managed to survive these seven months away from any sort of parent or adult caregiver, he had to admit, Abby had been the one doing most of the caretaking. She found them shelter, using experience from what she called "the times before." She knew what motels were cheap and didn't ask questions, what supermarkets were easy to steal food from, what houses were abandoned and unlikely to attract visitors and the like. When they had first gotten together, Owen had viewed himself as her protector, her hero. Now that he reflected on it, it was very much the other way around. Abby, with her preternatural beauty, wit, and charm, was Han Solo. And him? At best he was goddamn C-3PO.

Owen was not tough. He was not even particularly strong. He knew Abby didn't care, though sometimes he could tell she often worried about him more than she would have liked to. Owen didn't want to be a burden to their relationship anymore. He wanted to be a partner, not a protégé; a sidekick instead of a nuisance. He didn't think he had it in him to be as bad-ass as Abby; he was no Han Solo, that was for sure. But maybe, on a good day, Chewbacca?

He was going to tell her. Tonight. It had to be tonight. No more bologna sandwiches. No more slowing the whole thing down. No more being a burden.

"Abby?"

"Yeah, babe?"

Owen blushed at the pet name. It had started as a joke a few days ago. Owen had told Abby how his mom had called him "little sweetheart" and "little darling." Owen hated them; he didn't like being reminded how small he was for his age. They had made Abby laugh hard enough to split her sides however. Thinking of her own name for him, she had somehow arrived at "babe," because it was the one that he liked the least. He had tackled her when she first called him it, tried to tickle her. Abby had laughed and wiggled for a few moments before pleading with Owen to stop. When he did, she looked him dead in the eye and said, "Just kidding. Vampires aren't ticklish. But people are," and then attacked him mercilessly until he collapsed from exhaustion.

Owen swallowed, clearing his throat, which was suddenly painfully dry. He wished had hadn't drunken the last of the water with dinner. He hadn't been this nervous since the night he asked her to be his girlfriend.

"Umm…can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Would you…I mean, you like me right?"

She looked him in the eyes, serious in the moonlight. "Are you serious?"

"Well…I just-I kinda need to know. Can you just say it?"

"Owen, I-of course I do. I don't know of anybody I've ever been closer to. I like you, Owen Erikson. I like you a whole bunch."

"Okay. Cool."

"That's not all you wanted to ask me, is it?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"If you like me…does that mean, you want to be with me…for a long time?"

"Yeah. Longer than I can even imagine, and trust me, I can imagine pretty long."

"Long time…like as in, forever?"

"Forever's a really long time. But, yeah. Whatever forever means for you, I want you here with me."

"That's the thing though. I can die, Abby."

"So?"

"For people, forever's not very long."

He felt her change next to him. Not into a monster, no, of course not, just get…stiff. Afraid. Like she had was expecting something that she knew would terrify her.

"Abby…can I be like you?"

She withdrew from his embrace. She looked at him then, hurt and even worse…betrayed. She got up and stormed inside the house.

Well, this is going great so far.

Owen sighed and followed after her.

Once inside, Abby wheeled around violently. It was a cliché, but as long as she wasn't sprouting fangs, wings, and claws as long and sharp as razor blades, Abby wasn't ever prettier than when she was angry.

"How can you even ask me that?"

"Abby-"

"No, shut up! Just shut up! You have no idea what you're asking."

She ran her hands through her hair, looked down at the floor, and back at him. There were tears in her eyes.

"We've been having fun, right?"

"I…"

"I know it's not exactly Disneyland out here, but…I've been making you happy, right? We have a good time, we make each other laugh. And now you want to change everything! All because you think what I am is so fucking cool!"

It was the first time he had heard her cuss. It threw him for a moment.

"I'm not a superhero, Owen. I'm not a character in one of your books. Do you know what it feels like to live off blood? It's like-it's like knowing that everything in the world has to have been hurt in some way for you to live. It's like knowing that, because it exactly is that."

"But Abby, I-yeah, we've been having fun. It's been one of the best times of my life, be honest with ya'. But-can't you see I'm slowing you down, Abby? All this time getting actual food for me, if I was like you, we could-I dunno. Go kill a sheep together."

Abby acted as if she was going to yell at him some more, and then paused.

"Wait. A sheep?"

"Yeah."

"Have you ever fed me sheep?"

"No, just cows. But…but they'd be easy to attack I bet."

Abby couldn't help herself. She burst out laughing.

"Shut up, this isn't funny!"

"You've given this a lot of thought, have you? Sheep."

"I have, Abby, seriously! Way I see it, it's the only way I can keep from..." He let the words drift off. Abby caught her breath.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"No, no such thing as that. What were going to say?"

"I-that old guy. Back in Los Alamos."

Abby stepped closer to him, until her face was only inches from his.

"Thomas?"

"Yeah."

"You think you're going to end up like him?"

"….It's just, I can't help but…me and him have a lot in common. And…I don't know what I'd do if…if I got old, and couldn't be with you like we are right now, and you found somebody else…"

Owen bowed his head, tears seeping from his eyes. He choked out a sob helplessly, snorting on pre-cry snot.

"I'm such a pussy."

Abby took both his hand in one of hers, used her other to raise Owen's chin and face to eye level.

"Owen, I want you to listen to me. What happened to Thomas, will never happen to you, do you understand me?"

Owen snorted, wiped his eyes, nodded.

"Say it."

"I understand."

She took him in her arms.

"You know I'm right then," he said.

She shut her eyes tight, squeezed him almost painfully.

"I can't. Not you."

"Abby. I may not outgrow you. I may not have to…kill somebody for you. But I'm hungry a lot. Sooner or later, we're gonna get caught stealing. I'm a pretty good thief…"

"Next John Dillinger if I ever saw one."

"Who?"

"Forget it."

"But…but we're gonna get caught. And even if we don't, winter's coming, and I get cold, Abby. What're we gonna do, if we're like, in Chicago or somewhere, and we can't find a place to say, and it gets, like, to be zero degrees."

The very thought terrified her. He was right. Of course he was right. A vampire's lot was a hard one. But, when she really thought about it, a vampire's best friend's was just as if not more so.

"I just…" She broke the embrace. "I just love you too much."

Love. Now that was a word she hadn't used yet. 'Like' was pretty much the extent of their descriptions of affection. Love was…heavy. And then, he smiled, as he remembered a song from one of his mom's records.

"Yeah, well. Love hurts."

"That's stupid."

"I'm right, Abby. You know it."

She looked away, out at the night sky. Suddenly, no matter how painful it would be for them both, she wished she could whisk Owen back to Los Alamos, return him to his apartment, and go off on her own. She would miss him, but at least then she knew he would be safe. Safe, because he wouldn't be anywhere near her, anything like her. Away from her and her chaos.

However, she turned back and saw his earnest face and giant eyes, and she knew she could never do that. The future only seemed bright with him in it.

"Okay," she said softly.

A smile practically tore his face apart. "Really?"

She smiled back, with a hint of sadness. It reminded her so much of the time he had asked her to go steady.

"Yeah."

"Okay. So, umm…how do you…do it?"

"I have to warn you, Owen…it's in no way fun. You'll be sick for a good two days. I'll take care of you as best as I can, but there'll be a point just before it gets better when you'll beg me to kill you, it'll hurt that bad."

He gulped, his eyes wide with fear only for a moment.

"But you'll be here though, right?"

"Definitely."

"Then…then I can handle it. I'll be tough. I'll be okay."

She stepped toward him. She slipped her arms around his neck.

"When it gets really bad, I want you to think of this, okay?"

"Sure."

And she kissed him. She realized that, despite spending seven months together, it was their first kiss since Los Alamos. Only now, there was no blood coating her lips. No death. No murder. No darkness between them, ruining it. It was how she had always wanted to be kissed. They came apart, almost breathless.

"Wow," was all Owen could say. "Can only vampires kiss like that?"

She laughed. "I dunno. I've never kissed another one. Maybe."

"I think I'm gonna like this."

No, you won't. You'll miss the sun and the blue sky and the warmth of day. Even though you don't think you will, you'll miss the people too. Nothing about this is, going to be fun, Owen. But you'll learn. You'll learn because I'll be here to teach you, and comfort you when you fall. Because I'm your friend, Owen. Because I love you. Because I do want to be with you forever. And as much as I hate to admit it, because I'm hungry, babe. I'm oh, so hungry.

As she drifted her mouth down the side of his neck to where the blood surged through the jugular, she realized then…it hadn't taken all that much convincing after all. The thought both thrilled and terrified her.

For one brief moment, she allowed the hunger to take over.

Owen screamed.

Abby gripped him him tighter.

Love hurts.

Love scars

Love wounds

And mars

Any heart, not tough

Or strong, enough

To take a lot of pain

Take a lot of pain

Love is like a cloud,

Holds a lot of rain

Love hurts.