"Sephy, Sephy, calm down, yo. It's only hair... I PROMISE it's gonna grow back. Man, you ain't really gonna kill me, are ya? It's just a little bitty bit of hair and... You look good. Why so serious, yo?" Reno sighed, trying to remember just WHY he was in the situation of playing a deadly game of tag with a psychotic general. Oh yeah... It was all because of Tseng and his damn scissors. He looked down at the scissors in question, then down at the desk where the lovely silver locks he'd shorn were lying, and then up just in time to avoid what would have surely been a fatal punch to the head.

"Little rooster, I'm going to KILL you." Sephiroth glared at him, the normally long, flowing bangs flicking in his eyes irritatingly, bobbing near his chin.

"Seph, whoa whoa... It was an accident, a freak accident-"

"You're going to be a freak accident by the time I'm finished with you." Reno could've sworn Sephiroth was angry before he turned and high-tailed it out of the high and mighty one's office, shooting past employees with scissors in hand, hoping he didn't fall as he tore across the building.

Sephiroth sighed, placing his fingers to his forehead. "Of all the people, and on all of the days as the one I have to give a report to the President... A day like today. Today isn't one of those good days... Perhaps Genesis could take the repo-..." No, nevermind. He glared down at the silver strands of hair on his desk, then reached out to poke at them. No amount of glue or string would put them back the way they were, silky and long. Reno had ruined his hair, and he was rather upset about it. Not that Sephiroth was like his good friend Genesis, oh no. Genesis would spend hours in the bathroom at a time, poking and combing, prodding and parting his hair, only to sweep it out in his normal long style to gel it that way. And that was the way it always stayed. The redheaded general would never let him live it down if he were to see his rival in such a shorn state.

Reno hadn't even cut it off straight. "Bastard." Sephiroth threw his keyboard across the room, listening to the resonating thud on the opposite wall. It made an indention just like the phone and answering machine had before it. Now if only he could make a Reno-shaped one just above or below that one.

***

"And so... I kinda reached out to pet his hair, yo...y'followin' me? And I kinda stroked the hair cuz I ain't never seen nothin' that long and silky and it was all smooth and stuff, right?" Reno watched Rude as the man just nodded his head like a bobbly hood ornament. "And...well... I wondered if it would cut, cuz y'know it's exac'ly the color of metal, and fuck me walkin', the shit cut right off and landed on the desk, yo. Sephy whipped 'round on me and gave me that look like 'I'm gonna kill you, RAWR!' and then we was kinda playin' ring-around-the-rosie for a little bit 'fore I ran off." Reno paused to take a swig of his beer, then focused on the bald man once again. "I'm tellin' ya, he blew it ALL out of proportion."

Rude sighed and took off his sunglasses, examining them for any small spots on the surface of either lens. He sifted through what he was about to tell the redhead, trying to figure out how to make it any easier. Finally, he decided to just say it. "Reno, can I have your gun when you're dead?"

The perky Turk just blinked a few times. "Say wha?"

"Can I have your gun after Sephiroth kills you? It's one of the really good ones that ShinRa doesn't give out anymore an-"

"Whoa whoa, you really think the silver haired priss is gonna KILL me?"

"He kind of does it for a living, Reno. If Sephiroth decides he wants to kill someone, who are we to argue with him?" He smirked and put his sunglasses back on, draining the rest of his beer. "It's a hard knock life for you, isn't it? You shouldn't play with scissors. You're always doing something weird with them, whether it's cutting another man's hair or cutting snowflakes in Elena's paperwork and hanging them around Rufus's office."

"Hey, the squirt needed some cheerin' up, yo. If I didn't do it, who else would? He LIKES what I do. He would'a fired me a long time ago if he didn't."

"Keep telling yourself that, partner. He still hasn't gotten all of the twine down from that little trick. But I'm out. I've got an early mission tomorrow."

"Awww, man, you're just gonna leave me high and dry just like that? That ain't fair, yo. Why don't we catch some tequila? Some jello shots or somethin'?"

"Fair is fair, and the last time I went on a bender with you, I woke up wearing a bra and a pair of matching black lace panties. I don't want to do a repeat of that situation. President ShinRa kept giving me that look...THAT look. You know the one he gives people."

"Love Rufus to death, but his old man is a creep, inn't he? Kinky old bastard, rawr."

"Whatever. Reno, try to stay alive until I get back. Get on Sephiroth's good side. Maybe you'll get to know him." Rude threw down some gil and then turned, making his way out of the bar.

Reno thought about what he'd said and laughed it off...then got serious. What if Rude was right? A wide grin split on the Turk's face. Oooh yeah, a sure way to get on a SOLDIER's side...he would kill Sephiroth with kindness, appeal to his good, moral side, try to tame the beast. He knew just the people that could help, too. Reno shot up and ran off, searching through his contact list in his phone. The barmaid just sighed and shook her head, taking up Rude's share of the bill and putting the rest on Reno's tab.