A/N: This was originally written as a shock/joke response to a Gamefaqs topic which asked what would you do if your Shepard offered you a drink and started flirting with you. Well, here's what I would do with my FemShep. This is my first piece of writing that isn't a research paper or persuasive letter, so bear with me.

Ahh, Purgatory. Nightclubs really don't get much better than this. All the chest-thumping beats to get the ladies in the mood to dance, all the drinks to boost even the most introverted guy's confidence, and probably the best lights show this side of the galaxy.

"Hey, big guy, is this seat taken?" a smooth female voice broke through the loud music next to me.

"Oh, no. Go ahead, I'm here by-" Holy balls, that's Commander Shepard. Ok, be cool, be cool.

"Hi there, Commander. The name's Charles, but my friends call me Chuck. How you doin'?"

"Just fine. What brings you here besides the drinks and dancing?" Shepard asked in a rather upbeat manner.

"Oh, well, I'm on liberty. About to head out for a 4-week training evolution." I tried to be as non-specific as possible.

"Are you Alliance?" she asked with raised eyebrows. "That's not a uniform I recognize."

Dammit. "Well, I'm, uh, actually just a midshipman at the moment." I explained. "We wear old Earth military uniforms."

"Mmm," Shepard mused. "Well, I'd be lying if I said you didn't look good in yours." Christ, is she flirting with me? Boy, don't you screw this up!

"Heh, well, you fill out those BDUs like nobody's business." Oh jeez, was that too forward?

"Oh? See something you like?" Shepard's voice had suddenly taken on a coy tone. God, did I! Her ass looked as if it had been sculpted by Michelangelo himself, and those perky C-cup breasts were without a doubt my favorite kind.

"I certainly do," I winked, my voice dropping into a more voracious tone. What are the odds of me seeing more?"

"Pretty good," she winked back. "If you can deliver."

"Well," I adopted a more swaggering attitude. "They don't call me the UPS man for nothin'." Shepard burst into a fit of laughter, nearly falling off her barstool.

"Oh dear God! That was terrible! But funny as hell, though."

"I'm glad I could amuse you, at least. You have a beautiful laugh."

"You're too kind," she replied, still giggling. "That's it, you're coming home with me." Shepard grabbed my arm, spilling my drink, and before I knew it we were out the door and in the elevator.

Score!

The Commander and I hurried through security and passed through her ship's decontamination without a hitch. But as my luck would have it...

"Hey Commander, who's that?" a husky voice came from across the galaxy map. Shit, shit, shit, that's Kaidan Alenko. I heard from the Galactic Enquirer that he and Shepard were dating. Not the most reputable source, but I was NOT about to invoke the jealous wrath of guy who was not only a biotic but who could shoot a lethal dose of electricity at my man-parts.

"ROTC midshipman. I'm giving him a tour of the ship. Who knows, by the time he gets his commission every frigate in the fleet might be a Normandy-class." I resisted the urge to let out a sigh of relief.

"Ha, have fun with that. I was the most annoying little shit back in my college days." Alenko chuckled. Shepard ushered me into the elevator.

"Oh, I intend to," she whispered in my ear. When the doors closed, Shepard grabbed my rear and cupped my crotch. I responded by wrapping one of my strong arms around her waist and placing my other hand behind her head, then crashing my lips against hers in a bold display of passion and lust.

She responded by undoing my belt while I lift up her tight uniform shirt, clearly letting her know my intentions for the evening. Suddenly, the elevator stopped on Deck 1, and she gave me a flirtatious wink before practically tackling me, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. Her cabin quickly became a mess as we both hurriedly divested ourselves of our remaining garments.

"Are you ready to have your mind completely blown?" Shepard asked with a sultry smile.

"You...better believe it," I panted, nearly out of breath from our foreplay in the elevator.

With a mischievous grin, Shepard used her surprisingly powerful arms to push me onto the bed. Damn, I guess all those push-ups Marines do are good for something. She pounced on my helpless body, grabbing my head and kissing me with an alarming hunger while straddling my lower body with her long, shapely legs. It should have come as no surprise that my manhood responded eagerly at this point, but Shepard still ceased her aggressive kissing and put on a knowing smirk.

"So, you think you're getting a happy ending tonight, eh?" she asked, seemingly amused.

"I thought that was a given when you took off my pants back in the elevator," I replied, a bit confused.

"Oh, it is. But you have to do something for me first," she whispered deviantly.

Oh, no. True to her dominant personality, Shepard lifted herself off me, scooted forward, and lowered herself onto my face, her womanhood a mere inch from my mouth.

"Let's see if you're just another boy who wants to have sex, or a man who can make love," Shepard moaned, her voice dripping with desire.

I was a virgin, but she didn't need to know that. I'd never live it down if my friends found out I was about to bang THE Commander Jane Shepard, but then she ditched me because of my lack of sexual experience. So I did what I've seen in Fornax and extranet porno sites. I pressed my lips to her "nether lips," inched my tongue forward, and traced the alphabet, hoping to hit that mythical erogenous zone which could make any woman cry out in pleasure.

"Oh God, right there!" Shepard moaned. "Oh please, don't stop!"

Believe me, I wouldn't dare. I figured I was really about to get it in, so I quickened my pace, darting my tongue in and out, from side to side, and in countless circles with the singular goal of getting Shepard off. Suddenly, I felt her muscles clench and her love juices squirt onto my face, while she screamed my name.

"YES! YES! Oh Chuck, YES! Ahhhhhhh!"

Boy, when it rains, it pours.

"Ahhhh, God, that was amazing. I think you deserve a reward for your hard work." Shepard said as she climbed off my face.

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!

"Here, you can have my panties," she chirped with a wide grin.

"But...but I thought...we were going to...you know-" I stammered in bewilderment.

"I'm just kidding! God, you'd think you've never been with a woman before." Shepard laughed. Before my secret was out, she pounced and pinned me to the bed. "Here," she whispered while taking my manhood in one hand and guiding it into her velvety passage. Oh Lord, it feels like heaven. Unable to resist the bliss of Shepard's sex, I thrust my hips up desperately.

"Ooooh, so energetic," she cooed while grinding her hips around.

"Damn right I am," I grunted while sliding out and readying my rod for the next push. I slipped back in and gyrated my hips back and forth while Shepard worked her hips up and down and played her hands across my developed chest muscles. Jesus, she looks like an angel up there. A freakin' warrior angel.Her fiery red hair flew around her face, while her voluptuous breasts bounced in mesmerizing circles.

"Come on, Chuck, fuck me!" Shepard grunted. "Fuck meeeeeeeee!" Time to take charge.I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her down while rolling both of us over on the large bed. I resisted the urge to make a joke about her now serving under me, and instead proceeded to jackhammer my member in and out of Shepard's tender womanhood.

"Ohhhhhhh, oh God, ahhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhh!" Shepard loudly moaned while writhing beneath me. I didn't think I'd be this good my first time.We did this for what felt like forever. Shepard's gorgeous red locks were sprawled across her pillow now. Her mouth was seemingly frozen in a permanent 'o' shape, and her eyes were almost rolling into the back of her head. Shepard's hands clutched fistfuls of the sheets. Eventually, I couldn't take it. My arms were tired from practically being in the front leaning rest position, and my member was nearly overloaded with pleasure at this point. Shepard came first, her muscles clenching around my manhood, causing me to lose control and explode inside her.

"Ahhhhhhh, Shepard!"

"Ahhhhhhh, Chuck!"

We collapsed, exhausted from our nearly two hours of frantic lovemaking. Shepard rolled us over onto our sides, wrapping her arms around my upper back while I did the same around her waist. Huh, never would have guessed she's a cuddler. I affectionately pressed my forehead to hers.

"I love you," I sighed while gazing into her beautiful emerald green eyes. Wait, crap, that wasn't supposed to come out.

"You...you what?" Shepard asked in astonishment, while untangling herself from me. "Holy s***, you were a virgin!"

"I guess there's no use hiding it now, is there?" I mumbled dejectedly.

"Awww, that's so cute!" Shepard squealed while pulling me into a comforting embrace.

"Wait, what?" I choked out.

"Hey, I'm glad I made your first time special," Shepard said. "But you know this was just a one-time thing, right?" I might have burst into tears right then and there.

"Yeah. Yeah, I get it. You're a Spectre and a Marine officer on a mission to save the galaxy and I'm just some college kid from New Orleans." I was definitely going to start crying now.

"Hey, hey, it's ok. You can spend the night with me if you want." Shepard offered with a friendly smile.

"Thanks, but I'd rather not be woken up by Major Alenko cryo blasting me in the face." I said, trying to cheer myself up with humor.

"He's probably going to be busy with reports all night, but I understand. Wait, before you go...you were really good. Amazing, actually. Someday you're gonna find a nice young lady who'll be absolutely head over heels for you. And I'll bet it won't be a girl like me who's putting her life on the line almost every day."

"Wow. That meant a lot, Shepard. Really, I needed to hear that." I chose this moment to sit up and get off the bed.

"Of course, and you can call me Jane. Here, do you have your omni-tool with you?"

"Yeah, why?" I responded curiously while tapping the implanted buttons in my forearm to bring up the GUI.

"Here's my contact info. You ever want to talk, just shoot me an email." Shepard handed me a small datapad.

"Oh man, thank you!" I exclaimed ecstatically. "Jane...good luck out there."

"I don't need luck; I have ammo. But thanks." She walked over and gave me a chaste hug. I returned it, albeit slightly passively. "Your clothes are, well, all over the floor."

"Ha-ha, I'll get going once I get dressed," I chuckled.

The End.

A/N: Hope you guys liked it. Please leave a review if you have the time, and be honest so I can hopefully get better at this.