The Faded Dreams
My whole life… yes it was my whole life I think. I can't remember a time when I didn't love him. When I didn't try to be by his side, to please him, to make him happy. It was never for me to do though. Never something I would be able to do.
I went about the work he assigned us with dignity, with pride. He gave me courage, strength to move on in life. But now that he was gone… now that he wasn't here to push me, I didn't know what to do. I was lost.
I did a lot for that man. I did more than most would. It was my secret, few knew, even in the Juppongatana, few knew of my secret, my proof of how much I loved that man. While it was always made painfully obvious he would never return my feelings, I still pushed on because that's what he wanted me to do and my job came first. That was the only way I could please him was doing my job right.
I only wanted to be close to him and I never once thought that was too much to ask. The small missions I was always set out to accomplish, negligible things that Iwambo could have accomplished, I did them. I did them all. No complaints whatsoever. It was my duty to serve him and I would like a faithful dog. I would die for that man. I still would if it meant he could come back.
When I heard what had happened, I wept for days. Cho tried to cheer me up and I did the same to him, my brother in war. I let him believe I took what he said seriously. Telling stories to children? That was something he never would have said. My love never would have said those soft words. I loved him anyway. I would tell stories, I would pass on his legacy even if it wasn't his wish. I knew no one wanted him forgotten and even if he lived on in fairy tales told to kids, I would do it. He would never die. He would never be forgotten. At least not to me.
I suppose you could say I was jealous. He loved strength, he was the quintessence of strength, and yet he loved a woman who wasn't strong enough to even hold a sword. I never compared myself to her. Not normally. I was stronger, she was more attractive, but with him I never thought that beauty would be what drew him to his women.
When I was beaten by the girl, Karou, I could only think of how I had failed him, how I hadn't succeeded in what he had asked of me. He would be disappointed in me and would scold me, he would scold us all, save his little Tenken and Yumi. It didn't matter now, what mattered now was moving on with my life.
I spent my whole life trying to make you happy, to get your attention, but I guess I failed you. And I guess you failed me too. We failed each other.