Have you ever looked at something and thought "Wow, that would have been so much better if that character that left had stayed gone."

Well, here it is.

December 29th

It's hopelessly cold in the week following Christmas, so cold that I can't feel the lungs in my chest, even as they rattle with every intake of frigid winter air. The front stoop is slick with ice, but Charlie put down some rock salt last night. Still, it's better than being inside the house while errant police buddies attempt to fix the smashed back door and obliterated front room. It's better than sitting on the couch and feeling the stinging agony in my left arm of claws and teeth that belong to someone who no longer walks this earth.

It's better than remembering the weight of Victoria's head as it sat, mangled by a deep snarl, in my lap, the life drained from her eyes.

The cast on my arm is blue, but no one would have been able to tell anyway. The wolf pack covered it in absent-minded scribbles and well-wishes from afternoons spent at Sam Uley's cabin and the two nights I was stuck in the hospital; you can barely see the plaster underneath.

"Bella, what are you doing out on the porch?" Charlie calls from the living room. "Get in here!"

I sigh and stand from the step, making sure not to slip on my way to the front door. It's only been a week since Victoria's death and I can still feel her around every corner.

New Year's Eve comes and goes, slipping quietly into the darkness of my memory.

January 4th

School starting back up doesn't help and when I voice these concerns to Jacob during a late night phone call, he's pretty unsympathetic.

"They're going to ask me what happened," I say, fiddling with the chain on my necklace.

"So tell them," comes Jacob's voice through the tiny speaker on my cracked phone. He mimics my voice: "'I was fighting a vampire and she got the upper hand, but then I beat her ass.' Pretty simple, Bell. And they'll think you're hardcore. It's a win-win."

I snort. "I- I can't tell them I fight vampires."

"Well, you do, don't you?" Jacob asks.

"I-" I nearly throw the phone across the room before I realize that it would just end with a concerned Jake wolfing out and racing over to my house. My reflection catches my eye and I stare at my cast with a feeling of doubt that sits in my stomach like a stone. "I guess."

"You guessed right," Jacob says. "Bella Swan, vampire hunter. Here to take all of your asses to school."

"I have to get my ass to school tomorrow," I say, glancing at the time. "I'm going to bed."

"I'll pick you up at 7:30," he replies, not without a hint of glee. With my arm in a cast, I can't drive my car anymore and he's been itching to get his hands on it again.

I sigh. "Fine. I don't like this whole 'taking care of me' thing you're doing."

"People out there love you, Bella," Jacob says. "Deal with it."

"Good night." I grit my teeth, but there's a smile tugging on the edge of my lips.

"Sleep tight." The line goes dead.

January 5th

I'm at the breakfast table when Charlie finally stops asking my if I'm alright for the twenty-seventh time in a row. The waffles he attempted to make are ice cold and my coffee seeps into the cracks in the mug that must be older than I am.

Greetings from sunny California!

The family smiling at me from their vintage car seems unduly mocking and I cover it with the sleeve of my sweater. Mornings were never a strong suit of mine, but mornings in Forks in the middle of winter are downright depressing; even the first few classes are taught in total darkness.

"Sleep well?" Charlie asks.

"Yeah." I grunt noncommittally. "As well as I can."

He stares at me with an odd sheen of understanding in his eye.

These are dark times, I think.

Or, at least, they were. The darkness has been defeated, and what comes next is a mystery. What happens after the big finale, the final fight? It's never discussed in books, you never see it in movies. There's a restlessness fluttering in my chest, as if Victoria is suddenly going to reanimate and go on the hunt. I can't shake it: she's around every corner. Charlie's begun to notice my skittishness, and it's getting to him.

A knock sounds on the door, and then, "Delivery for Bella Swan!"

I grin; I can't help myself. It's Jacob standing on the porch with a greasy paper bag.

"Doughnuts?" He suggests with a lopsided smile. "I brought some for you too, Chief Swan!"

"Yeah, yeah," Charlie says, his coffee not hitting him just yet. He snatches the bag from Jacob's hands. "Make sure to get her to school on time."

"Always a pleasure," Jacob calls at Charlie's retreating form. He leans over me, smelling of sandalwood and something I can't quite place, to grab my coat hanging on the hook beside the door. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, just let me grab my bag," I say, taking the coat from him. He's warm, even under the ten million layers we have to don to fight off the winter chill and when I struggle to untangle my scarf from my hands, he picks it up and loops it around my neck with strong, nimble fingers. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Thanks," I say. He doesn't seem to notice the sudden flush of my cheeks, or if he does, he doesn't say anything about it. I think I see the tug of a smile at the edge of his mouth, but it must have been a trick of the light.

"C'mon, cripple," Jacob says, opening the door. "Let's get that ass to school."

Even though the sun hasn't risen, everyone would rather hang out in the parking lot of Forks High School than go inside, where fluorescent bulbs and odd smells haunt every hallway you go down. I could already see Jessica, Angela, Mike, and Eric hanging around the back of Mike's car when we pull in. They wave, expecting to see me in the driver's seat, and I can see Jessica's eyebrows raise when it's Jacob instead.

Jacob parks and gets out of the car, coming around to the other side to open my door.

"I don't need your help," I complain. "I have a broken wrist, not spine."

"Whatever you say, Bella." Jacob grabs my hand and pulls me from the passenger seat.

There's a patch of frost on the pavement and I slide, falling directly into his arms. It's like falling onto a steel beam covered in a layer of pillows; the softness of his winter coat does nothing to prepare me for the strength of his flexed muscles.

"Easy there, Bells," Jacob says with a wink. "You wouldn't want to break the other arm, right?"

I roll my eyes, but my heart is beating faster than ever before. He rights me and wraps me in a bear hug, instantly warming me from the outside-in.

"Bella!" Jessica calls. I can see her waving from the corner of my eye.

"Time to face the music," I mumble. My free hand plays with the edge of Jacob's collar.

"I better head out, then," Jacob replies. He let's go of me and takes a step back.

"Oh no, mister," I grab his arm with all of my might. I know it has zero effect on him, but I have to try my hardest. "You're sticking around until they're satisfied with my excuse. I'm the world's worst actress and I need some backup."

Jacob sighs, then says under his breath, "Who can argue with that?"

We walk over to Mike's car, me taking care not to slip on the way. The parking lot is treacherous in the winter and the city doesn't do much to help; there is only so much rock salt in the world and most of it ends up somewhere on the roads of Forks, Washington.

"Hey Bella, how was your Christmas?" Angela says. She beams up at me through three different scarves. "We didn't see you all break."

"Yeah, that's because, uh..." My voice trails off and I hold up my cast meekly. There's gasps all around and they move in to inspect it. At the sudden flurry of movement, Jacob stiffens, but I place a hand on his and he seems to relax.

"What happened? Fall down a flight of stairs again?" Mike says with a joking grin.

My eyes glaze over at the mention of my last accident: a run in with a vampire back when I was dating someone I never want to see again. Jacob presses down on my shoulder lightly and I come back to reality.

I laugh and it sounds forced. "Well, I-"

"She fell on some ice and hit the concrete at a bad angle," Jacob interjects. "She's lucky she didn't crack her head open."

"Oh?" Mike glances at Jacob suspiciously.

"Mhmm," I agree, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. "There was, like- blood, everywhere. Really gory. Jacob had to take me to the hospital." They look at me with blank faces. "Oh, you guys remember Jacob, right? He lives in La Push?"

A spark of recognition crosses their faces; real or fake, I don't care.

"Oh yeah, you were there when we went surfing last year, right?" Jessica says. She gestures to Jacob's head with a giggle. "You had long hair or... whatever."

Her smile is sweet, but Jacob could never stand falsified niceties for very long. He glances at his watch then pulls me towards him and places a kiss on my forehead. "Well I'm out. Have fun at school."

"Hey," I yell after him. "Where are you taking my car?"

He climbs into the driver's side and rolls down the window. "I got your ass to school, now I need to get mine. See ya, Bella."

I watch my car leave the parking lot and speed down the street. At the stoplight he waves and blows a kiss with a grin that makes me roll my eyes.

Jessica and Angela look at me like I've got three heads, their eyes wide, anticipatory. Mike looks like someone shot him in the foot.

"Really, Bella?" He asks. "That guy?"

"What do you mean 'that guy?'" I narrow my eyes at him and cross my arms over my chest.

"He's a total jerk," Mike says.

"Okay, that was one time, and he wasn't in a very good mood," I say in a roundabout way of defending Jacob's insults at the movie theatre. "And you were being a jerk too, don't lie."

"I think it's cute." Angela smiles, barely holding back her excitement. After a second it explodes and she hit me lightly on the shoulder. "Oh my god, Bella! He's so cute!"

I clench my jaw to stop from grinning. I can't help it; attention like this makes me smile, no matter how nervous I feel. "It's not like that. We've been friends forever."

Jessica waggles her eyebrows at me. "And now you can be more than friends."

Mike rolls his eyes and makes a gagging motion. He grabs Eric and Ty by the shoulders. "We're going to get to class. Don't wait up for me."

"We won't!" Jessica calls after him.

Angela and Jessica each take one of my arms, looping them through theirs and huddling close enough that I feel warmed by this simple girlish gesture. It makes my heart feel the slightest bit full. We huddle together and walk slowly towards the front door of the school.

"So..." Angela starts, her smile nearly breaking her face in half. "Is he a good kisser?"

She holds me tight and I want to tell her everything that's happened between Jake and me: from the late night talks to the afternoons curled up with him on the couch to the strategizing sessions in Sam Uley's cabin where our hands always end up intertwined in the easiest of ways. But I don't, and I'm not quite sure why. If I say it out loud, then the thing I've been cultivating with Jacob, the quiet love that is growing between us, vanishes as quickly as it appears.

"We haven't kissed or anything." I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "Don't be stupid, Angela."

"Yeah, Angela," Jessica says in a mocking tone. "She's only deeply in love with him, they obviously haven't kissed yet."

"You stop it too," I say to Jessica. "This isn't as big of a deal as you guys think it is."

"But it is a deal, right?" Angela's eyes light up. We've reached the front door and I don't want to let go of their arms, I want to hold onto this closeness for a little while longer.

I sigh, dropping their arms. "It is a deal."

I push through the doors to school and can hear them squealing in the background. It feels like friendship; like a small amount of normalcy come home to roost.

Jacob picks me up from school that afternoon and the girls wave at him, grins abound. They come up to the cab of the truck and lean in, Angela with her bright eyes and Jessica with her winning smile, their charm turned up to eleven.

"Hey Jake, are you going to Mike's party on Friday?" Jessica asks.

"Because you should come," Angela pipes up. "If you weren't going before."

Jacob looks at me as I get into the truck with a raised eyebrow. "Did you know about this?"

"Yeah," I say. "It's Mike's back to school party. Figured you didn't want to go."

He takes my pointed tone in stride and turns to the girls with a nod. "We'll be there."

I punch him in the shoulder and whisper under my breath. "We?"

Jake shrugs.

"See you there!" Jessica says. "Bye Bella!"

She and Angela wave at us as Jacob pulls out of the parking lot. I turn around at the stoplight and wave back.

"They're friendly," Jacob says.

"Yeah, well, if you'd bothered to even remember them from the surf trip then you'd already know that," I say.

"How come I've never met them after that, though?" he asks. "That trip was a year ago."

I shrug. "I tend to keep my supernatural life and my school life separate."

He chuckles. "Good call."

It takes us twenty minutes to reach Sam Uley's cabin and by the time we arrive, the rain has only barely let up. I've spent more time than I'd care to admin in the dusty corners of that cabin, holed up with my school books or piles of notes detailing our attack against Victoria as the pack trained or fought or wrestled outside, and today I do it again, this time with a battered copy of Their Eyes Were Watching God I'd managed to find in the depths of the library. Cafes are too full, too many people observing the comings and goings, but this small cabin is just right. Only the people I know won't judge me are here.

And then, there's Sam Uley.

He warmed up to my presence eventually, especially after I proved myself to no longer be sympathetic to the vampire cause when one of Victoria's scouts came looking. The claw marks along my shoulder blade from the vampire had taken months to heal, but Sam no longer looked at me like I was going to betray them to the Cullens, should they ever return.

The Cullens. I don't want to think about them now. I have a day's worth of notes to write out and fifty pages of a book to read. The light pattering of the rain outside the window is calming, soothing in a way that is both familiar and foreign to my ears.

"What's on the study agenda today, Swan?" Embry asks. His jokester smile greets me at the door.

I hold the book up. "Just a little Zora Neale Hurston. And some chemistry, but I'd rather not study that if I have the choice."

"Cool." He nods as if he knows what I'm talking about. "Well, have fun, I guess?"

I laugh. "Sure, I'll try."

Jacob brushes his hand against mine, then joins the rest of the pack outside in the stretch of clear land in front of the cabin. I watch him go, a tingling sensation traveling up my arm, then turn my attention to the kitchen table, which is piled high with empty cups and plates.

"Want some help?" I ask Emily. She's scrubbing a bowl at the sink.

"Sure, just bring those over here, will you?" She doesn't turn around but I can tell she's smiling. "I love these boys, but if they could just do their dishes next time..."

I pick up a pile of plates and put it on the counter next to her. "I can tell them to do it when they come back from training. Or we could find somewhere else for them to have meals. Jacob's place, maybe?"

She shook her head. "Billy's stuck doing the dishes there too, and I can't subject Embry or Quill's mothers to this. Do you think you'd like to take in some rambunctious werewolves?"

I laugh and this time it sounds real. "I'm sure Charlie would be all over it, but then I'd be stuck with the dishes and nothing would get done."

Emily catches my eye and bites her lip. "Guess it's here for the foreseeable future then."

I sit down at the table and crack open my book. I'm only a few chapters in, but I want to finish most of it before class next week. Movement outside the window catches my eye and I see the boys, shirtless and fighting in the cold winter air. Snow clings to Jacob's hair, but he brushes it off and throws himself back into the fight. There is something about the way they move that looks so powerful, so raw, as if nothing in the world could ever come close to touching them.

Jacob sees me watching and mimes studying through the window. I smile despite myself, holding up the book.

"I guess it is."

"I want to fight," I say to Jacob apropos of nothing. He's driving us to the diner to pick up some food for movie night while Charlie sits on the couch, attempting to decide what to watch.

"Fight?" I can tell he's trying not to laugh. "Fight who? Fight what?"

"I mean, I did fight, like, with Victoria, but-" I sigh and look at my cast. "I just want to stop feeling so helpless all the time. I want- to be a little more like you."

Jacob shakes his head, on the brink of smiling. "You don't want to be more like me."

"But I do!" I blurt out. I pause for a moment and sit back in my seat, looking out at the street. "I could have died, Jake."

"But you didn't," he says.

"But I could have," I insist, grabbing his arm.

"But you didn't," he fires back, his voice edged with steel. "You're not good at fighting, Bella. Just drop it."

I bite my lip, sinking down into my seat, my hood coming up around my ears. Silence fills the car like a living being and winds itself around my neck, choking me.

"I'll ask Sam, okay?" Jacob sounds exasperated. "He can probably find some way to train you."

A grin grows on my face. We pull into the parking lot of the diner, the road slick with melted snow, the brightness of the neon reflecting in the puddles all around us. I get out of the car and wrap my arms around Jacob's waist, pulling him close.

"Thank you," I whisper.

He puts an arm around my shoulders and hugs me back, nearly picking me up off of my feet. "No problem."