A hooded figure sped across the blanket of darkness, flanks rising and falling in desperation as it tried to escape from its captors. Several yards behind it, a flash of light and a large crack echoed through the wasteland. A small metallic object flew past the figure's hood, entering a small tree just to the left of it. Another metallic fragment hit the figure, it tripped to the ground with a squelching sound, a crimson stream of blood and bone hitting the muddy soil beside it.
"We caught you Magpie, you little fucker!" A hot lance of pain soared across Magpie's foreleg, as he let out a sound of agony. His assailants caught up with him, the one in the center of the group flicked his hoof out, a large rifle swinging out from a folding attachment located right up to the middle of his foreleg. The others replicated his movement, a click heard from each of their weapons in unison. Magpie looked up, eyes wide with fear, "N-no! I'll do anything!" The center one trotted slowly to the pleading S.T.A.L.K.E.R, replying with a barrel of the rifle pressed against Magpie's forehead. Suddenly, the telltale crack and report ringing in their ears, a massive bloody hole in the center of Magpie's face. It said all of the things of what could have been spoken, with a pull of the trigger.
"And that, my friends, was the end of Magpie, the biggest dick in the the zone!" The barman heartily laughed, snorting. A few rookies listening, sniggered at the sound. A lone mare trotted up, clad in a metal suit, hydraulics squeaking as she neared the group. In an upbeat, optimistic voice, she said, "What a wonderful tale! I got one too!" She raised her hoof up in the air, waving it at the group. A stallion put his hoof to his forehead, shaking his head in dismay. "Oh dear Celestia, she doing it again!" He mocked the mare's voice, yelling out, "And here is the tale of the first S.T.A.L.K.E.R!" The mare put her hoof down slowly, voicing her thoughts out loud. "Hey, how'd you know what I was going to say?" She then cleared her throat loudly, "It all started when the smartest pony ever, Ditzy Doo, got lost on her mail route-" She was then interrupted by a stallion, whom was cleaning his rifle, "50 miles away!" The mare looked at him, and continued on. "And flew to some Royal Guards, who were guarding the zone." As she finished the sentence, she said the last two words in a low, ominous voice. "She asked the guards if they could spare any muffins. They stared at her, frowning, she frowned back! This did not phase them very well, so she suddenly flew past them into the zone." She also finished the sentence the same way as the last. "After flying an hour, she landed for a muffin break! She looked around, and found no muffins waiting for her, but one small object attracted her attention. It was a glowing, golden muffin! So she ate it." The next sentence was said dramatic, and even more cheerfully. "The end. Just kidding!" The mare laughed happily, chowing down on a muffin in front of her. She looked back up, crumbs stuck to her face, then started to speak, spouting crumbs at the
stallion's and older colts. "So she woke up in a forest! That had a strange two-legged animal, crouched on the ground! She was very brave, and kicked it in the head. It fell over, dropping a small, metal and wood object, about the size of two squirrels. She grabbed it in her mouth, suddenly feeling a tugging sensation on her tail. She woke up again, except back in the zone! And that was the first gun!" One stallion wiped the sweat off his brow, sighing. The colts oohed and ahhed at the story. The mare smiled, looking quite pleased with herself. She slowly put her hoof to her mask, and pulled it off suddenly, revealing her face. In the process of doing this, she shouted at the barman for more muffins, who had bit down on a basket of freshly baked muffins, hauling it up to the counter. The mare shouted, looks of shock appearing on everyone's faces except a select few older S.T.A.L.K.E.R.S. "And that, bitch, was me!" She grinned ever so happily, walking over to the counter, shoving her face into the basket, not even caring to grab a muffin out of it. Ditzy finished them in ten seconds flat, ran up the hallway. She disappeared into a sideroom, where she promptly fell asleep on a vacant bunk. One of the 'rookies' confusedly asked, "How come' she gets food for free?" The barman replied, washing the crumbs from the counter, "She gets us-" He stopped, the sound of Ditzy's head hitting a wall, "Business."