So here we are. Have a Drapple Crackfic. (If you don't know what I mean by Drapple then I envy you) There's also a little Dramione cameo in there, too. I apologize in advance for what you're about to read. It's really, really bad. It was written far too early in the morning and should have never seen the light of day.

Draco Malfoy sat alone in the Slytherin Common Room. What on earth was he supposed to do on a Tuesday like this? Not his schoolwork, that was for sure. He'd been barred from the Quidditch match that everyone else was currently at and while he rather wanted to go sit out by the lake, he was a Slytherin. Plus he had his whole, "tough-guy" reputation to uphold, especially with a stadium of people across said lake. But over the summer Draco had gotten oddly soft, due to a certain some- well, that wasn't important.

What was important, however was the fact that he still had nothing to do, and he'd still yet to have a girlfriend, even in his sixth year! I mean, honestly. He was the son of the man who helped (and by helped, Draco meant sat aside and cowered) the Dark Lord rise again. Chicks should have been all over him, no?

Just as the now-surprisingly-kind blond looked around, wishing for something to alleviate his boredom, a glimmer of red caught his eye. Curvaceous and slender at the same time, it was no wonder he instantly broke out into a grin and walked closer.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" he asked, flirtatiously eyeing up the obvious shine of the skin in front of him. There was no reply. Draco cursed. Maybe he wasn't bad-boy enough for this fine specimen. He tried again.

"So, I uh, don't mean to brag, but my Father bought me a motorbike and let me just say: you don't know fun until you've tried it." No such luck, thought Draco. He'd even looked up the word "motorbike" in a Muggle dictionary, especially for picking up the likes of this.

Apple.

The name came to him in a flash and somehow he knew it suiting the being of perfection currently in front of him.

For the next hour Draco tried everything he could think of with renewed vigour, even going upstairs to his dorm and fetching his Muggle magic tricks. (He'd gotten them during the summer at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, after finding himself strangely attracted to a certain bushy-haired female who seemed to have removed all of his anti-mudblood feelings.)

No matter what the poor guy did he still received no reaction. Finally he settled for sitting down on the couch next to the object of his current attraction. Admiring the luscious way she sat, perched, he noticed something strange. Leaning around the back of Apple's red plume of beauty he noticed she had a small patch of green on her back and he curiously leaned back and read the tiny writing aloud, "Wizarding Freezes! Place this on anyone's back and it is guaranteed to make anyone freeze for up to ten hours!"

"Darn it!" cried Draco, annoyed. All this time and she had been under a Weasley joke? No wonder she hadn't reacted to his obvious manly-yet-cute charms. Though it seemed awfully convenient that he'd noticed such a small square and that such a thing existed at all, but he shrugged and removed said patch. Clearly the author needed a way to end the story, and who was he to question such a plot hole?

The instant after he had pulled off the patch Apple had unfrozen and now leapt into his arms shrieking with joy.

"Thank you!" she said, happily. "I've been stuck like that forever, and you happened to come by and charm the pants off of me and I think I'm in love." She tossed her long red hair with a simper. With her hair behind her, Draco could really see her curves and he stared, agape.

"I think I liked you better when you didn't talk," he said, simply. He turned and left the Common Room with a skip. At least he'd killed some time.