Family Shoot
(Christmas, some year)
"OK, OK," Grunkle Stan said. "Everybody here? Lemme line ya up. Shortest in front. Dipper!"
"Oh, man!" Dipper grumbled, but he went to the spot where Stan was pointing. "Let Mabel stand beside me, then!"
"Kid," Stan said, "a millimeter is a millimeter! OK, Soos, you're tall enough, so you get right in back of Dip. Mabel, next to Soos! Wendy, other side of Soos!"
"Nope," Wendy said. "I'm goin' right here." And she knelt on the floor beside Dipper. "See, he's taller'n me now!"
"Thanks, Wendy," Dipper said.
"No prob, dude!"
Stan rubbed his eyes. "Oy, the aggravation! Pacifica, long as you're here, you might as well stand on Dipper's other side!"
"Ew! But I guess I'll do it."
"Ford! Where are ya, Poindexter?"
"Here," Stanford said from behind Stan.
"Jeeze, scare a guy, why don't ya! Where's McGucket?"
"Right here, by gummity!" came his creaky voice.
"OK, so you stand, lemme see, on the other side of Soos from Mabel. Everybody in the back row, take a step to your left. Your OTHER left!"
"What about me, Stanley?" Ford asked.
"You an' me are gonna be bookends on either side of the back. Let's see how this looks . . . OK, Ford, you go over there."
Ford went and stood beside Fiddleford. Stan checked again, set the timer, and hurried to stand beside Mabel. "Everybody, get ready! Five, four, three—say 'Somethin' stupid!'"
They all spoke at the same time: Ford—"Customer service!" Fiddleford—"Flat-earth theory!" Soos—"Um, I forgot what—" Mabel—"Onwards, Aoshima!" Stan: "Somethin' stupid!" Wendy—"Obey the rules!" Dipper—"Wait, what?" Pacifica—"Puh-leeze!" The flash went off as they were speaking.
It worked out all right. They all at least looked as if they were smiling in the photo, and nobody had their eyes closed.
And over them, partly hiding the Christmas tree in the parlor of the Mystery Shack, hung a cheerful red banner with white letters: "MERRY CHRISTMAS, FANFIC READERS!"
The End.