Author's Note: OKAY. So, I'm awful, and totally left "Here's a Hypothetical" at a cliffhanger. I swear, I'll finish it one day. I just gotta find the flow again. It's hard. But I've had another idea on the brain, so I've had to work on getting it out. I rewatched some Season 3 to get back in the PB&J groove, and I was struck with Jim's comment about Pam's likes and dislikes:

"I know Pam pretty well. I know the things that she likes, and, just as important, I know the things that she hates. So, one of the things that she likes is pranks. And, the things that she hates... "

...and Andy's nailing each of the dislikes right on the head:

"Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. Listen, you're cute. There is no gettin' around it. So... I don't know if you like country music, but I was thinking maybe one of these days we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos, maybe even toss a disk around. Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, amPay?"

So, I decided to investigate all of Pam's alleged "hates" as Jim finds them out. :)

I hope you guys enjoy!

Ut-Way Oo-Day Oo-Yay Ink-Thay, Am-Pay?

His spidey-senses are tingling when he hears the snap of the sliding door above the din of conversation, and when he looks over, he can't help but smile. Of course, it falls just as soon as he gets a look at the sneer on Pam's face. Tipping his beer toward the group of coworkers in farewell, he disengages and maneuvers his way across Oscar's foyer and into the kitchen, intending to meet Pam halfway.

She looks almost relieved when she nearly bumps into him, though she can't seem to shake the wrinkles between her brows. "Oh, hey! I was just coming to find you."

Something that is becoming increasingly familiar warms inside his stomach. Jim cocks a grin at her. "Really? But there are so many other…" He trails off, sniffs the air, and arches a brow down at her. "Pamela Beesly. Have you been smoking?"

He knows she hasn't; he knows she's only ever touched a single cigarette in her life, when her best friend Isabel peer-pressured her in eighth grade. He knows she absolutely hated it, never went near it again, and that she still gets nauseous whenever she smells a fresh cigarette. It was the first fifteen-minute-morning break talk-over-coffee they ever really had that was more than just about the weather or whatever was happening in the local news. It seems so long ago, now.

Pam sighs heavily and shrugs out of her coat with a grimace. "No," she flattens and shakes out her messy curls. "It's Roy. He's bummed some cigars from one of the other warehouse guys; it's so gross, I had to get away from him."

Jim shouldn't feel like there's a check in the win column of life, so he doesn't (tries not to, anyway) acknowledge it. "Oh? I didn't know he smoked."

"He doesn't, usually," she rolls her eyes. "Unless he's hit his five-beer limit. Then he's back to high school antics."

He clucks his tongue. "Theeen, I'm guessing from your tone that you're not a fan?"

"Well," Pam breathes heavily again and looks out toward the backyard. Jim follows her gaze, spots Roy, and bites his tongue. "I mean, my dad smoked cigars sometimes, and those were okay, but they were, like, the super fancy kind, you know?"

The urge to chuckle at her adorableness is overwhelming. Jim smiles down at her. "But the Macanudos down at Walgreens just don't cut it? You're starting to sound a little high-maintenance, Beesly."

Pam smirks in aside to him and runs her fingers through a tangle. He admires the crinkle of her nose as her ring catches at a mass of curls. "Seriously, though! It's a disgusting habit. I wish he'd just quit altogether."

"Well, some habits are hard to break."

"Yeah, well. He just better not crawl into bed tonight reeking of smoke, because I'm not going anywhere near his ashtray mouth."

His stomach plummets at the notion of Pam's mouth being near Roy's, as is typical whenever he reenters reality and remembers she's engaged and not at all available to him and his wayward daydreaming. But the disgusted tone of her voice soothes the uneasy rumble, as does her smile and the tilt of her head to the home bar as she beckons him for more drinks.