A/N: Here we go. The second part of Kaye's story. If you're new, you really need to go back and check out my other fic, Katie's Girl. This is the sequel. But here's the general idea. Kate was a single mother who had a daughter who was just turning eight years old when she died at the end of season 2. Through a series of events, Gibbs takes custody of little Kaye, and they become closer, eventually becoming (adoptive) father and daughter. The previous fic is their first 3 or so years together (seasons 3-5). This picks up in the winter of season 6, with flashbacks to cover bits of the months in between. Thanks for stopping by!
NCISNCISNCIS
Mid December 2008
"Mornin'."
"Morning."
"Bag ready?"
"Yes."
"Homework?"
"Done."
"Good. Cereal?"
"Toast."
Eyebrow.
"Toast, please."
"Better. Lunch?"
"Cafeteria?"
"Grab some change from the jar."
Kaye sighed softly to herself before reaching for the big mason jar that resided on the kitchen counter. She half-listened as her dad dug bread from the bag and dropped it into the toaster, pushing the button down as he read his morning paper. She dug out the usual five dollars for her school lunch and once again autopiloted to the cupboard beside the fridge. She didn't need to search. Left hand deposits the change into her pocket. Right hand opens the cupboard and reaches for the peanut butter, always in exactly the same space. Left hand swats absentmindedly at the door to shut it as she sets the plastic jar to the counter. It was always the same. It had been the same for months.
"Routine." Gibbs defended.
"Rut." Abby always accused.
The summer and fall months had done a number on the Gibbs household. As if losing Jenny so suddenly hadn't been difficult enough. Then Vance had split up the team. Despite the traumatizing news, Kaye had remained all too calm. She had shed a few tears as they saw Tony off. She'd even gotten angry about Vance's decision and stated her opinion of him rather loudly in the bullpen a few weeks after the funeral, causing an in-depth conversation between she and her dad. Kaye had thrown herself into writing to Tony for the first month of his absence, but as school had begun, her interest in all else had faded away. Even after Gibbs managed to get the team back, Kaye had remained generally stoic.
And then things became a routine. Days passed by ever similar, and the Gibbs home became nearly as quiet as the years between Kelly and Kaye.
Kaye waited for the toast to pop up, spread some peanut butter over each piece, squished them into a sandwich, and took a big bite. She looked at the time, thankful that she had wasted a little extra upstairs. It meant they could leave right away and skip the small talk at the breakfast table.
"Ready to go?" Kaye asked her dad as he read the latest headlines.
"Yeah. Got your bag?"
"Mmhmm."
"Let's roll."
As Kaye headed out the door across the snow, Gibbs locked the door behind him, sighing. Another day.
NCISNCISNCIS
Late September 2008
"What are you working on?" Abby asked as she leaned over Kaye's shoulder in the lab.
"Math."
Abby glanced over Kaye's work, ever impressed at her flawless calculations. At eleven, Kaye was already in the seventh grade at Brockton Academy, doing the work that students in at least ninth grade were probably doing in the public schools.
Sighing at the younger girl's monosyllabic answer, Abby turned and looked at the mop heads. She missed her team. Sure. Tim was just downstairs. Logically she knew that he wasn't far away. They actually had had dinner the night before. But it wasn't the same. He wasn't upstairs. Ziva wasn't upstairs. Tony wasn't upstairs. Looking over her shoulder at the little brunette form hunched over homework, Abby frowned. They could really use a little Tony in their lives. Kaye hadn't been herself since Vance had split the team up, and as each day passed, she worried more for the girl. She was beginning to see some of her own past reflected in Kaye, and she didn't like it one bit.
NCISNCISNCIS
Mid November 2008
Tony peeked around the corner and caught sight of Kaye in Abby's living room before turning back to the Goth.
"I don't know, Abby. Maybe she just doesn't want to do the movie nights anymore. Maybe they remind her of Jen. So much of our tradition with movie nights stems from that summer." He whispered through the phone.
"They started way before that. What makes you think she doesn't want to be there?"
"I mean, maybe it's just that puberty stage. She doesn't seem to care what movie we watch; doesn't care what food we eat. It's just 'whatever' this and 'whatever' that. But the worst part is that she isn't even angry when she's doing it. She just really doesn't care."
Abby watched her own movements in the mirror as she pulled the elastics from her pigtails. She had been studying Kaye's behavior closely from the moment of the famous outburst in the bullpen. And as the months dragged on, her fears about the girl seemed to be justified. She was beginning to see far too much of her young self in Kaye.
"Have you tried suggesting something other than movie night? If she really didn't want to see you, I think she'd let it be known."
Tony scraped his hand through his hair in frustration. "I have tried. Bowling. Going out for dinner. Going out to a new movie. Going out anywhere to do anything. She always says no. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm starting to think it's not just happening with me."
Abby stood from her seat at her vanity, twirling a stray lock of black hair around her finger repeatedly. "It's not just you, Tony. That much I do know. I think everyone's at a loss. She's not our Kaye right now. Even Emily is picking up on it! Fornell asked if Kaye was alright the last time he dropped her off because she and Emily didn't seem to really be having any fun."
"So, what do we do about it?"
"There's not much we can do right now. Gibbs needs to see it. He needs to wrap his head around the fact that his little girl isn't okay. Until he accepts it, we need to watch her like hawks, Tony. We have to do it for her."
Tony huffed into the phone as he looked over at Kaye, slouching on his sofa. "Yeah, Abbs. I will."
NCISNCISNCIS
Early August 2008
Kaye stared at each word she had carefully written out on the postcard. An upbeat greeting. A question. A joke. A two-sentence story about her day. An "I love and miss you", and a signature.
It was the formula she had been following on each postcard sent to her Tony out at sea.
A pathetic excuse for communication, but it was the only option.
Kaye jumped as a voice rang out behind her. "You still trying for every day?"
Looking up, she forced a half-smile at her dad from her place behind his desk. "Not anymore. One a day is a little much. Three a week, however…"
Gibbs chuckled dryly. "'M sure he appreciates them, no matter how frequent."
"When is he coming back, Daddy? When can you get them all back? We haven't really even heard from Ziva. And Tim's going to get even more pale hiding out in that basement with his computers all day."
Gibbs huffed as he poked her gently in the sides, eliciting a quick squeal as she vacated his chair. Plopping down, he pulled her to him. "You know the answer to that."
"You have no answer."
"Nothin' I can do about it right now."
Kaye felt a flash of anger run through her. "That's what you've been saying this whole time! I'm tired of hearing that there's nothing to be done! There's always something to be done! You're Leroy Jethro Gibbs! You get things done."
Gibbs sighed and motioned for her to lower her volume. While she obeyed, it only fanned the flames of frustration within.
"None of this would have happened if she was still alive."
Gibbs sucked in a sharp breath. Now she was on to talking about Jen? That was new. Since the day of the funeral, when the team had been split up, Jenny had been a nearly taboo topic between them. Kaye never seemed to want to talk about the woman that she had considered her mother, and he hadn't minded the silence on the subject.
He wasn't exactly good at the feelings thing, especially the talking about the feelings part.
"It's all Toothpick's fault."
Gibbs fought a smirk. That she had picked up from DiNozzo. She and the new Director hadn't had many run-ins, yet, and he was hoping to keep it that way until he could figure this whole situation out.
It wasn't his lucky day.
"Agent Gibbs. I didn't know it was bring your daughter to work day. Hello Kaye."
Gibbs stood from his chair, hoping to run interference. "Just here for a half an hour or so while I finish up some paperwork."
He glanced toward his daughter, giving her a sideways warning look.
A look which she promptly ignored. She was angry. She was angry that her mom had died. She was angry that someone could so easily take her place. She was angry that her family had been ripped apart on the day of Jenny's funeral. She was angry at Leon Vance.
"What's that you're writing?" Vance asked, glancing toward the postcard.
Gibbs went to speak, but Kaye beat him to the punch.
"A postcard. To Tony. You know, because it's the only way I'm allowed to communicate with my family, now."
Gibbs licked his lips and placed a heavy hand on Kaye's shoulder. But as the fire burned within her, Kaye wondered if she was channeling just a bit of her mother, Kate. She'd been told stories of Kate's righteously angry outbursts on more than one occasion.
"I'm sure he'll be glad to receive it."
Vance moved to turn away, and Gibbs felt a momentary rush of relief. A bit of pre-pubescent attitude was easy enough to write off. Hell, this new Director had kids of his own. Surely he wouldn't let such a small comment bug him.
And then she was gone. Out of his grip, out of his reach, strolling toward the Director of NCIS with a stride he could only describe as Kate. It all happened in a flash. Kaye came up behind Vance, and poked him hard in the back, causing the taller man to turn around and face her, looking down to meet her piercing blue eyes.
"May I help you?"
"Can you help me? Yeah. You can help me. How about you walk straight up to that fancy office of yours and start to really think about your little idea about splitting up the best damn team in your agency!"
Vance's eyebrows shot up as his eyes darted between the little eleven-year-old brunette and her father, who was quickly rushing over to them.
"Kaye. That's enough. Back to my desk. Now." Gibbs said, a quiet threat.
Whipping around, blue eyes met blue eyes. "That's not enough!"
Kaye turned back and took an angry step toward the Director of NCIS.
"I don't know who you think you are, splitting up families. That's really what you want to be known for? Remembered for? Messing with the dynamics of the one team that actually gets anything done around here?! Man, Jenny always said she would do her best to assure that you'd never get your hands on the agency. Now. I. Know. Why. Just you wait. You'll get yours, Toothpick. Everyone's going to see through your little charade soon enough. Tony will be back where he belongs, and so will Tim and Ziva. And you won't be able to do anything about it. That's how it works around here."
Gibbs gripped Kaye by the shoulder as she took yet another rushed step forward, taking no small amount of joy in the fact that the looming Director took a small step backwards in response.
Ripping her shoulder out of his grip, she glared at Vance, and said in the lowest, most threatening, Gibbs-like voice that she could, "This isn't over, Leon. Not even close."
Gibbs grabbed Kaye with both hands and gently shoved her over to the bullpen, whispering a warning of the punishment to come before turning back to the still-stunned Vance.
"I – "But he realized he had no words. He wasn't planning on apologizing. Hell, he agreed with every word she'd said, and was silently pleased someone had said what he couldn't. Surprisingly, Vance just squinted.
"It's fine, Gibbs. Take her home. I don't think she needs to be around here anymore."
And that was it. The man turned and left.
But it was not a conversation to be soon forgotten.
NCISNCISNCIS
Early December 2008
"Nothing."
Abby stared first at Kaye, and then exchanged thoroughly confused glances with the rest of the team.
"Nothing?"
"I don't need anything." Kaye said, turning back to her homework.
"You don't want anything for Christmas?" Gibbs asked, surprised at his daughter. She was often referred to as their mini-Abby at Christmas time; their little elf. She was always excited about going and getting a tree, decorating, shopping for presents and wrapping them. Kaye would be the first one to pull out his old Christmas tapes and play them…in November. He usually had to beg her to keep her Christmas spirit to herself until after they finished doing the dishes on Thanksgiving Day. But not that year. It was the end of the first week of December, and there was no Christmas tree in his living room, no candy canes stashed in his cupboards, no flyers with wished-for items circled conveniently left in the bathroom, no Christmas music playing, and not one box full of treasured decorations piled in a corner.
"I'm fine."
The team had gathered in Gibbs' living room to plan their Christmas celebrations, which usually began with Kaye's ideas, but she wasn't giving them anything.
"Well, um…did you want to do some Christmas baking with me?" Tony asked her. He had inherited all of his mother's recipes, and like the good Italian he was, could cook or bake almost anything with ease.
"That's okay."
Another hit. Kaye loved baking. Cookies, butter tarts, fudge…if it was sweet, she was all in.
"Have you begun to write your list of gifts to shop for?" Ziva asked hesitantly. She and Kaye had never been particularly close, but it seemed that while the girl had missed her in her absence, they had, if at all possible, grown even further apart.
Kaye was growing tired of their line of questions. She knew that they were attempting to get her into the spirit of things, but she just wasn't feeling it.
"Not really." She paused, knowing that some version of the truth would be the only way to get them off her back.
"I was actually thinking things over," she said as she put her homework to the side. "Christmas is fun and all, but if we all care about each other so much, and we already give each other little things throughout the year, do we really need to do Christmas, too? It just…seems like a bit of a waste. We overspend and try to make this one day perfect, and as close as it sometimes comes, it never quite lives up to what we want. Dad didn't do a big Christmas thing for years, and he was fine, right Dad?"
Gibbs was unsure of how to respond. He wasn't going to discuss the reasons that he'd ignored the idea of celebrating any major holidays for years after Kelly had died in front of the team. Luckily, Abby was there to save him as always.
"Kaye, honey, I don't really think it's the same thing. Your dad had…reasons. You always love Christmas. What's going on this year?" But of course, Abby knew.
And so did Kaye, not that she was going to admit it. And honestly, she was getting a little annoyed that they wanted so much information out of her. Wasn't not into it enough? Did Abby really have to push? Was it really so important to her to get the answer that they all knew already?
"Look. I know what you guys are thinking. And yeah. Maybe Jenny factors into it. It's just not Christmas without her. But it doesn't matter. I don't really care this year. If you want to get me presents, go ahead. If you want me to go shopping and wrap presents, well, that might not happen. If you want me to be the crazy happy excited girl that I have been before, well, too bad. That job can go back to Abby this year. You guys decide what to do for Christmas. I'm going upstairs so I can actually get some homework done."
A solid five minutes passed in stunned silence after Kaye half-stormed out of the room before anyone spoke.
"What was that?" Tim asked.
Abby shook her head. As the team dispersed for the evening, she stayed behind and looked Gibbs in the eye.
"I don't know who that was, but that is not Kaye. Something's really wrong, Gibbs. I know it, and I think even you know it. You've got to do something."
Gibbs just puffed out an annoyed breath. "Leave it, Abbs," he warned. "Plan Christmas how you want it and leave it."
NCISNCISNCIS
Mid December 2008
The truth was, he did see it. He'd seen it for awhile. Sometime after The Outburst, the generally positive, exceedingly resilient little girl that he adored had…dulled. She'd become despondent, disengaged. DiNozzo had been right the few times he'd mentioned his concerns. Kaye just didn't care.
He knew the signs. He'd seen them in himself so many times.
But she was too young. You shouldn't be depressed when you're eleven years old.
And she was still functioning. Her grades were as good as ever, possibly better. She was constantly focused on her schoolwork, and nothing else.
Just her homework.
Not her family.
Not Emily.
Not even Claire and Ryan.
And she hadn't cried about Jen since the funeral.
Gibbs peeked through the crack in her open bedroom door and watched her sleep, her thin frame buried beneath the yellow blankets that had been on her bed at Jen's place.
He would keep an eye on things, but he wouldn't push. He didn't like being pushed, either.
NCISNCISNCIS
Mid December 2008
Abby bounded down the stairs to the basement with determination. She was angry. She had to remember that. Swinging around the corner of the stairs, she hopped down the last few, and lost in her thoughts, ran straight into Gibbs' chest.
"Oof! Uh, hi Abbs." He said as his arms came around her automatically. "You okay?"
Abby shook her head quickly and looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah, thank-wait!" she paused. "I'm supposed to be mad."
Gibbs held back a smirk and stepped away from her. "Oh?"
"Well, maybe not mad, exactly. Frustrated? Maybe mad."
Gibbs turned around and moved back to his tool bench, searching for a particular one. "Why're you supposed to be mad?"
Abby followed him to the bench and shoved a few tools down toward him, hopping up and sitting on the edge. Her feet swung back and forth. "Kaye."
Gibbs head swung up and he moved to sit on the sawhorse across from Abby. "You're mad at Kaye? What'd she do? You should go talk to her about it."
Abby sighed heavily. "I'm not mad at Kaye, Gibbs. I'm mad – frustrated – I don't know…about Kaye."
Gibbs huffed and scratched his head. He loved Abby like a daughter, but sometimes she really tried his patience. "Out with it."
"It's been months, Gibbs. And I know that this was a big deal. It was bad enough for the rest of us; I can't imagine how hard it's been on you and Kaye. Now I know it's like pulling teeth to get you to talk about anything, but I've always been able to get Kaye to talk to me about stuff. But not this time."
Gibbs dipped his head and stared at the floor. "She needs time." He whispered.
Dropping off of the bench, Abby moved and crouched in front of him, forcing him to meet her eyes. "Gibbs, she's had time. It's less than a week until Christmas. I know how Kaye thought of Jenny. I know that this was as bad, maybe worse than losing Kate for her. But she's not talking. She's not opening up. And we're losing her. Don't you see it?"
Gibbs coughed and rubbed a hand over his face, his other one coming to rest on Abby's shoulder. "I see it."
"She's shut down. And it's not just about Christmas. She's not letting anything affect her, good or bad. I – I think she's depressed, Gibbs. She needs to see someone about it. Even Claire has come to me, worried that Kaye's not Kaye anymore. And I know how you feel about shrinks, and I'm not asking you to go to one, but please –"
Gibbs cut her off mid sentence. He hated the idea, all of it. He hated that Kaye was wrong. He hated that he'd held a part in it all. He hated that he hadn't dealt with it sooner. And now they'd be putting her through even more. "Find her one. A good one. One for kids in these situations."
Abby nodded and stood slowly, coming close and hugging Gibbs to her chest, a hand coming up to rub the back of his head. He held her tightly, taking strength from her. "I don't know if I-"
"It's okay, Gibbs. I've got this."
NCISNCISNCIS
Monday, December 22nd, 2008
Kaye looked up as they took a wrong turn.
"Where are we going?" She asked her dad as he drove in silence.
He was hoping to get her to the shrink's office before he had to have this conversation.
"You've got a meeting."
"Huh?"
Gibbs huffed and braced himself for the backlash.
"Abby set it up." Maybe he could soften the blow with Abby's good intentions.
"With who? What's going on?"
"Her name's Amanda. She's a, uh…."
Kaye tried to put the pieces together. The team had been leaving her alone more in the last week or two. But Abby had been around constantly, always probing, always watching. And she'd asked about Jenny again not too long ago.
It hit her. "You're making me see a shrink?!"
Panic rose in her chest. This was not happening. She did not need a shrink. She had a family. If she needed to talk, she could talk to them. She was NOT going to blab about her life to some nosy stranger. Besides! She was absolutely fine!
"Look, we're just going to try it for a bit. You haven't been yourself."
"So what, I'm supposed to be all perky all the time? Fine! I can be perky. I can like Christmas. I am just FINE, Dad. I don't need a shrink."
Gibbs huffed as he pulled into the small parking lot in front of the blue building. "You'll go in. You'll talk. You'll prove that you don't need one, and we'll be done with it."
But something deep within both father and daughter knew otherwise.
NCISNCISNCIS
The room was warm, and the chair she sat in was almost too comfortable. Photos of impressive outdoor scenery hung from the pale blue walls, and stuffed animals, toys and art supplies filled a white Ikea shelf to one side of the room. There was a desk off in the corner of the room, and three overstuffed chairs and a sofa filled the remainder of the space. Kaye set her hot chocolate down on the coffee table and tucked legs beneath her.
Seventeen minutes down, forty-three to go, and she still hadn't said a word.
"Your Dad and Abby tell me that you aren't as excited for Christmas as you usually are."
Kaye's eyes drifted over Amanda yet again. Part of her wanted to talk, sure. She was normally a really talkative kid who loved to meet new people. But not anymore.
Amanda, for her part, was trying. She seemed kind. Maybe in her early thirties, so she didn't seem as intimidating as Kaye had thought her shrink would be. In another situation, she figured she probably would have really liked the blonde woman. Amanda seemed very casual, in her jeans and purple sweater. Her blonde hair was in a slightly messy, curly ponytail, and black-framed glasses perched on her nose, revealing bright honey-brown eyes.
Christmas.
If she was going to talk, maybe Christmas wasn't the worst subject to talk about.
"It's not like I hate it. I just don't really care this year."
Amanda smiled gently and nodded. Kaye liked that she wasn't taking notes. In all the movies, psychologists sat there, analyzing every word you said with a notebook in hand. Amanda had instead asked if she could record their session, and Kaye had agreed.
"Is there anything in particular that you care less about, or would really rather not participate in?"
Kaye scrunched up her nose. Nobody had asked that. She needed to think.
Whether the team did Christmas or not didn't seem to matter. Thinking over every aspect of the day, she felt just the slightest twinge of anxiety when one thought came across her mind.
"After dinner, we all sit around the living room talking and stuff. I usually play with some of my new presents and Abby puts on all of Dad's old Christmas records."
"You don't want to do that part this year?"
"I think I'll just go up to my room after dinner."
Kaye watched Amanda and could see the thoughts whirring in her head. Something had meant something, and Kaye wanted to know what.
"What did you used to like about that part of the night?" Amanda asked, shifting in her chair, a small smile gracing her pink lips.
"Well, I guess, like…last year. Sometimes by then Tim and Jimmy leave, which kind of sucks, but they have family to be with. Abby usually sits by Tony or Dad or just wanders around doing stuff. She kind of runs Christmas for us. Dad wasn't big into it, but she always got him to do something. If Ziva sticks around, she's always by Tony. I think they sometimes have something going on between them but just try to hide it because Dad would get mad." For just a moment, Kaye felt almost like herself. She was babbling like she used to, like Abby always did. "He has this whole thing where he has rules and rule twelve is never date a co-worker. But I know even he ignores it sometimes. He let Abby and Tim date before, and Abby and Tony once kind of dated? I don't really think it was dating. And then he and Jenny were together last Christmas…"
Amanda tilted her head as Kaye trailed off.
So that's what she was trying to get Kaye to figure out.
It had to do with Jenny. All of it. First the tears and the sadness, and then the not caring and the not really wanting Christmas.
Her mind flashed back to the year before.
The team basked in the warmth of the fire and the dim glow of the Christmas lights as they all groaned contentedly about how much they had eaten. Jenny, Ducky, Abby, and Tony had created a delicious smorgasbord of a turkey dinner; everyone had eaten their fill, and there was still enough left for lunches for the next week.
Jenny and Kaye were alone in the kitchen, putting the extra food into the fridge.
"Did you have enough to eat, sweetheart?" Jenny asked as she scooped mashed potatoes into a Tupperware container.
"Oh, yeah. I'm so full. I can't believe we still haven't even eaten dessert yet. I think we're all going to die."
Jenny chuckled at her little girl as she handed Kaye another dish to put in the dishwasher. "I'm glad you liked it. So, has this Christmas been everything you wanted?"
Kaye turned and glanced at the living room, taking in the sight of her whole family there. "It's the best one I've ever had. Everything is so perfect. The presents, the tree, the fire, everyone being here, the food. It's all I've wanted. Having you here…" Kaye trailed off.
Jenny dipped her head as she blushed. "It's probably been my best one yet, too."
Kaye sighed dramatically. She was so tired of hiding what she knew.
"Something wrong?" Jenny asked quietly, so that the rest of the group wouldn't hear.
Kaye tilted her head as she looked at Jenny. There was no easy response to that question. The only thing that she could find wrong was that they didn't know that she knew. So instead of blurting things out, she slowly walked over to Jenny and fingered the locket that hung from her neck.
"Daddy has good taste, doesn't he?" She whispered.
Again, rosy color appeared on Jenny's face. "Yes, he does."
As Kaye opened the locket and ran her index finger over the photos, Jenny suddenly realized that they had been hiding everything for no reason.
"Sweetheart?" She whispered, her fingers coming under Kaye's chin to guide her eyes to her own. "Is there something you want to tell or ask me?"
Kaye bit her lip, something Jenny had noticed her do before when she was nervous.
"Honey, do you…do you know?"
Kaye looked fearful for a moment, before a spark lit deep in her eyes as she nodded. Jenny's eyes filled with tears, as she pulled Kaye in closely for a tight hug.
Gibbs had been watching the whole scene from his place on the couch, and stood suddenly, striding over to his two girls quickly. He shot Jenny a quizzical look, to which she responded with a simple nod. That was all the communication they needed. Gibbs rolled his eyes dramatically, before leaning down to pick Kaye up. She hugged him tightly. "I promise not to tell anyone, Daddy."
Gibbs laughed quietly in her ear. "Shoulda known I couldn't keep it from you. Didja already tell Abby?"
Kaye turned beet red. "Well, it's not like it was confirmed or anything…"
Gibbs just pulled her in for another hug, reaching out to Jenny with one hand to squeeze hers. "Swear her to secrecy. Got it?"
Kaye grinned and nodded, before hopping down. As she watched her dad sneak q quick kiss from Jenny's lips while the rest of the team was distracted, Kaye kept her squeals of delight to herself.
Kaye felt her chest tighten in a way it hadn't really in months. A quiet gasp of air was all it took to quash the emotion rising within her. Unbeknownst to the eleven-year-old, Amanda took note of the sharp change in the girl's actions as she watched her shut down after finally opening up.
"I just don't want to do it this year."
The remaining forty-two minutes were fairly quiet.
NCISNCISNCIS
Kaye sat in the corner of the sofa under the window, her legs curled beneath her. She stared intently up at the Christmas Tree that Abby and Tony had brought over. The whole Christmas thing had fallen on their shoulders this year.
She wondered if she should be angry. She didn't really want Christmas, after all, and nobody had listened to her. There was still a big day planned with gifts and stockings and food.
Maybe she was supposed to be sad, heartbroken, even. Jenny, her mom, was gone. There would be no special gift under the tree that came from some inside joke they had shared, no jokes about Paris or other parts of Europe in the winter to make her dad blush uncomfortably. No uninhibited shrieks of laughter would come from the redhead. There'd be no whipped, creamy garlic mashed potatoes this year, either.
Maybe she was supposed to be happy. She did still have her family that loved her, a house to live in, and food to eat. There may have been a lot of heartbreak along the way, but she was still there, and it was still Christmas.
But as her eyes bounced from blue light to pink, yellow light to red and green, as she examined each shiny, treasured ornament that had been collected by the team since she'd become part of the family, she felt…
Nothing.
No anger rushed through her veins. She didn't shed a tear, and she most definitely didn't smile.
And as her eyes moved to the gifts, to the stockings hung from the fireplace, to the snow outside, Kaye finally realized what Abby had been talking about. She finally began to understand why her team was so worried about her. She finally started to grasp why she was being sent to talk to Amanda.
Kaye knew something was wrong with her.
And for the first time in a long time, tears came.
NCISNCISNCIS
Christmas Day 2008
Gibbs slipped away from the room full of people, earning a concerned glance only from Abby as he headed upstairs. Kaye had disappeared after dinner and hadn't been seen since. He'd been thankful she'd participated at all.
As always, despite how she may have been feeling inside, Kaye had showed gratitude with each gift she had received, even hugging each team member at least once. She'd managed to paste a mostly-false smile on her face as each of her family had opened the gifts she had reluctantly picked out with the help of Abby and Tony in the days leading up for Christmas. She'd even nominally joined in on the dinner conversation.
But as soon as dinner was over, and the team headed for the living room, Kaye had headed upstairs.
Her door was open, a good sign, and he found his daughter reading on her bed. A quick glance around the room reminded him of the harsh changes they'd undergone in the last six months. Her yellow bedding, which had once resided in her room at Jen's place, clashed with the purple and blue daisies on her walls. Childhood toys such as Barbies were gathering dust in the corner of her room, while school books littered the remaining surfaces. Even her beloved art supplies and typewriter sat untouched on a shelf. It was finally becoming so very obvious to him what Abby had been seeing for months. His little girl was going through something terrible, and she didn't even understand it enough to communicate it. Abby had seen it, but he'd been blind, hoping for the best, hoping that it would all pass.
It wasn't passing. The Kaye that he saw before him was not the girl he'd grown to know, and while he still loved her dearly no matter what she was like, he finally understood that something was wrong, and it needed to change. She needed help to change. Maybe they both did.
Moving across the room, he lowered himself, the mattress dipping beneath his weight. Kaye turned her book over on her bed and sat up, crossing her legs in front of her.
"You've been gone awhile."
Kaye sighed. "I was done with people."
Well that certainly wasn't the extroverted little girl he knew.
"Did you like your gifts?"
Kaye nodded. "They were nice."
Gibbs huffed, internally trying to convince himself not to do what he was about to. But he knew what this was about. And while Jen had been nearly a banned topic between them since the funeral, he realized that maybe ignoring the elephant in the room was what had lead to what Amanda had informed him was most likely childhood depression.
So he bit back his discomfort and lifted the small, wrapped box, handing it to his daughter.
"What's this?"
"Another gift."
Kaye's eyebrows lowered in concentration. "From you?"
Gibbs coughed. "Uh, no. It's from…it's from Jen."
Kaye dropped the box to her lap as if it had burned her. "How?"
Gibbs reached over and lifted the little box, handing it back to her. "Found it in the safe deposit box. Guess she figured she might not make it to Christmas, or at least wouldn't be well enough to deal with things. There was just a note. Said, 'For Kaye, Christmas 2008'."
Kaye swallowed hard, examining the item before accepting what was before her. Slowly and carefully, she removed the shiny gold paper to reveal a soft white box. Lifting the lid, she sucked in a breath.
In it lay a locket. A very familiar locket. "I thought she was buried with this."
Gibbs looked over, brushing his finger over the metal. "She was."
As he turned it over, though, understanding overcame him. "It's not quite the same. The jewel is wrong, and there's no engraving. And it's a little smaller, too."
She must've bought it after she'd received her Christmas gift from him last year. She wanted Kaye to have a matching one.
Gently, Kaye removed the necklace from the box, her fingers running over the thin chain, finally coming to rest on the locket, itself. She unlatched it and looked inside.
She had expected a photo of Jenny, and maybe one of herself. But what she saw was different. On one side, a photo of the three of them, Jenny, her dad, and herself. On the other, just a photo of Kaye and Gibbs.
"There's a note inside." Gibbs said, lifting the piece of folded paper from the box. He handed it to Kaye, who read it aloud.
"I'll always be in your heart, sweetheart, but you still have your Dad. You'll always be his little girl. I love you. Merry Christmas. -Jenny."
Gibbs understood what Jenny was trying to do. For so long, Kaye had clung to the idea of a mother. She'd grown up with Kate being her entire world. And then she'd come to live with him after Kate's death. And while he had instantly loved her, they didn't quite click as father and daughter immediately. It was only after he'd returned from Mexico, after Kaye had already bonded deeply with Jen that she'd begun to call him Dad.
And now she'd lost all hope of having a mother. She'd had Kate. She'd had Jen. He didn't exactly have a great track record with relationships, not that Kaye would have approved of some new stepmother, anyways. The only women left in her life were Ziva, who she still barely knew, and Abby, very much not a mother.
It was the two of them, again. Alone in the world, even when surrounded by people they loved.
Kaye looked up at her dad and blue eyes met blue eyes that seemed so similar, despite not being related at all. She still had her dad.
Without speaking, father and daughter shared a singular thought.
Hopefully that'll be enough.
NCISNCISNCIS
A/N: I am so excited to finally be getting into this sequel. There's a lot to be explored, and I can't wait! I won't reveal too much about what I hope for this chunk of the story, but I'm hoping that it will focus more on who Kaye is becoming as she grows up, as well as her navigating what it really means to finally, once and for all, have Gibbs as her only real parent. Our Kaye isn't so little anymore, and will be facing some big ups and downs as she discovers truths about who she is, her place in their little family beyond that of a little child, and secrets that have been hidden from her. Thank you for sticking around and reading. Here's to another hundred chapters! (Maybe…..)
Oh, and Merry Christmas 2017 to all of you!