"Eli, I can't do this anymore." Those words replayed in my head over and over, there was no escaping it. Just like the first time we tried long distance, we failed, miserably. Clare said we could do it, she said she just needed to find herself, and we both agreed we'd make it through. I felt like we truly were doing great for how far apart we were, but somehow I'm sitting here, alone again after only one summer apart from Clare. Since her phone call yesterday all I've been able to do is roll out of my bed to go to the restroom, anything other than that, including eating, has been too much of a struggle. Curled up in a ball going through my photo album, I paused on a picture of Clare and I holding an "It's a boy" onesie. In the picture I could see her stomach staring to stick out a little, and it caused a lump to form in my throat. If our son had been born, everything would be different, better. Holding onto the future we could have had, was all I had now. Just as I made myself tear my eyes away from the picture, there was a knock at my door. I pulled my cover over my head, I didn't want anyone to see me this way. My hair was shaggy, my eyes were swollen, and I was wearing batman pajamas. I put a pillow over my ear to drown out the noise of the knocking, but the person behind the door was persistant, and the pillow could only do so much. My bedroom was to the right of the front door, so the person knocking was in hearing distance of me.

"GO AWAY, I AM NOT HOME." There were about five seconds of silence before the knocking began again, even louder than before. I threw the cover off of me in a rage, and ran to the front door. I assumed it was was my neighbor Gill, he always bothered me wanting to play video games, he was a persistant 10 year old. I swung the door open, "Gill not tod-" I sucked in air, and grabbed onto the door for support, it was her. My whole being reacted to her presence, just the sight of her brought a little life back into me, it was like giving water to a dying flower. She stood in front of me with a two suitcase's on the floor, each one beside both of her feet. She had tears running down her cheeks, but a delirious smile on her face. She wore blue jeans, and and a black t-shirt that said MILK, and her hair was pulled up into a small ponytail.

"I'm sorry if you were expecting a Gill, but it's just me."

I ran my hand through my hair and stepped back, giving her room to come in. She grabbed her bags and walked inside while I shut the door. My head was spinning, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't. I needed to know what was going on, I couldn't keep playing these games. "What are you doing here, I thought, well you said you couldn't do this anymore, and then you hung up before I could even ask why. I can't keep going through this emotional roller coaster Clare, it's killing me trying to figure out what you want."

Clare walked a few feet over and sat on my couch, she patted the spot next to her, but I kept my gaurd up and sat on the love seat across from her. "Ah, keeping your distance? Well you want an answer Eli, that's your answer right there, the distance between us. When I said I couldn't do it anymore I meant it, being away from you this summer has been so hard. Yesterday when we got off the phone the first thing I did was start packing. After my graduation I had wanted to find me, but instead I realized I'm not ever going to be me, not without you. I'm here to stay, if you'll still have me. In truth it was irrational to call you like that yesterday, and then hang up with no explanation, and I'm sorry. Please don't be mad, I was trying to be romantic, but I guess I should leave that up to you from now on."

Clare stared at me, waiting for a response with a scared look on her face. I stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her up so that we were only inches apart. Once we locked eyes Clare looked away, and I turned her head back towards me, holding her face in my hands. "Don't ever question weather I want you, I always want you." I crushed my lips to hers, and everything felt better again, in one second Clare could alter my entire mood, my entire world. She pulled away laughing, "Whats so funny Edwards?"

"Batman?"

"Ha ha, very funny." My face dropped when I thought of the reason I was still in my batman pajamas in the first place. "I've had a rough day. I thought things were over, like before, with the whole Drew thing."

Clare wrapped her arms around my waist, and gave me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry Eli, I didn't mean to scare you, but I had hoped you would have known that this time is different. We're different, we've gone through so much, lost so..."

Clares words trailed off, and her eyes became glossy. "I miss him too, all the time. He would want us to keep moving forwards Clare, so let's do it. Let's move forward, let's make our son proud, because you know he's watching us."

Clare's smile became more genuine, "You believe that, Eli?"

I pulled Clare into a hug, "I know that."

"So, what's next Goldsworthy? Should I start unpacking?"

"Before you do that, I want you to really think about this for a second. Toronto is your home, are you really ready to just leave everything behind?"

Clare sat back down, but kept eye contact with me, "I don't know Eli, but I know that anything is better than being away from you. I can't do that anymore, I won't."

I knelt down in front of Clare, taking her hands in mine. "Here's what I want, I want you to stay here with me until I finish school, and when that's over I promise you I'm going to take you back home."

"Eli no, you love it here. There are so many more film opportunities for you, I don't want to be the reason your dreams don't come true."

"You are my dream Clare, you're my everything, you always have been. There will be plenty of job's in Canada for me, besides Toronto is my home too. So what do you say, does that sound like a plan blue eyes?"

Clare brought my hand up to her lips, kissing my knuckles. "Elijah, wherever you're at, I'm at."

It is with great sadness that I announce this will be my last story, but I WILL finish my other stories don't worry, and not necessarily soon, they still have a ways to go! Also, I'm having trouble seeing how many people are viewing my stories/chapters. I don't know what went wrong, but when I try to look it says error. So, I'd really appreciate if every now and then on any of my stories that you guys reviewed to let me know someone is still reading, because really my only motivation to write anything is you guys. Oh, and another thing, If you want to add me on Twitter please private message me and I'll give you my name :) last but not least...I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI