Warning: Mentioned torture

I crumbled against the cold rock behind me, keeping my back to the cold stone; to turn your back on the enemy was to get it stabbed. I tried to lay there, forgotten, and forget what happened, but my mind, my stupid, useless, broken mind, would not let me. Everything that happened, everything they did; over and over and over. It played, a hundred times, a thousand times, over and over. Torturing my mind long after my body had been forgotten for the morning.

"Nîn, my love." I jerked out of my torturous memories at the sound of Lady Celebrian's voice. It used to be soft and gentle with a light tinkling sound to it, like birds and streams. Now, it was grating and rugged, hoarse from unhealthy use.

"Lady," I answered, cringing at my own voice, it was no better than Lady Celebrian's. I could not look at her, I didn't need another image to add to my arsenal of nightmares. I remembered perfectly what she looked like when she was home, happy and safe, but somehow that was dwarfed—hill to mountain—by all the memories I carried of her many tortures.

"My sweet, I-I do not—kn-know how mu-much longer…" She trailed off in a fury of evil coughs.

Unwilling tears sprung to my eyes; it was easy enough to know what she was trying to say. "No," I whispered to her, curling tighter into myself. "Please, no. You cannot leave me."

I cringed, curling even tighter as a raspy sob told me she was crying as well. "I know, my sweet. I know you do not want to be alone. I have held on for so long."

I knew this. From the few times we were able to speak, I had learned this. She only ever held on for me, she wasn't as strong as me—so she said, but I would be lost without her. Any promise I'd given to the Sisters would be void, without the help of my adopted mother. After all, was it not Lady Nienna who said to never bear grief and pain alone.

Even as I thought of them, rage filled me. The Sisters had warned me of struggle, but this was not struggle, this was pure torture. I couldn't remember exactly how much time had passed. In the order and schedule, I'd always needed and desired, this was the worst I'd ever imagined. Every torture, every shot of pain blurred together in a never-ending blur of time, molded together and without a sun or clock to tell the time, without the concentration needed, it was impossible to figure out how much time had passed. It could have been a day, or it could have been a month. The pain required to return to those dark and endless memories, just wasn't worth figuring out how long it'd been.

The silence in our dark, dank cave gave me a haunting feeling, echoing with the screams that had previously filled it; our screams. I pushed down the memories, refusing the think on them, resisting every urge to analyze it until I understood. Once was enough, twice was too much, anything more will drive me to insanity.

"Nîn," Lady Celebrian stopped as the sound of heavy booted feet reached our ears, echoing through the cave. Involuntarily I flinched, tensing.

Already?

Both of us were deathly silent where we lay, waiting as the boots echoed, drawing nearer. When the ugly leather boots, roughly thrown together and treated worse, stopped just within my line of vision, I blinked slowly not bothering to look up.

"Oh, is our little pussy tired?" Falum, the orc that tortured me the most, sneered. "Well, that's to bad, because we're going on a little trip. Get up, elf."

I frowned, looking up at his ugly twisted face. "What?"

He laughed, cackled madly, "That's right, bitch, we're going on a trip, just you and me."

Ignoring my pained back, I shot into a seated position, jerking away from his hand as he reached for my arm. My eyes flew over and met Lady Celebrian's. Her soft grays were full of confusion and fear, at the thought of us being separated, I could easily say, the same fear filled me.

I shrieked as my dislocated shoulder flared with pain, as Falum jerked me upright, onto my sore and blistered feet. I shrieked again, but suddenly the pain didn't matter anymore. Falum wrapped an arm around my waist and attempted to lead me away.

"No!" I cried, jerking out of his arms, falling to my knees. "No! Lady!" I attempted to crawl toward her, just as she tried to come to me.

Falum snarled. "Hey, maggots, get in here and hold the witch back, while I go."

Three more orcs appeared, pulling Lady Celebrian from my arms. My scream joined Lady Celebrian's; Falum's arm was around my waist again, pulling me away.

"Lady! Lady! No!" Tears I couldn't afford to lose poured from my face as Falum threw me over his mangy warg and followed behind me. I could still hear Lady Celebrian's screams for me.

"Nîn! Éponine!"

"Lady! La—NANA!" My heart broke! My faë shattered! I felt like I was in a thousand different pieces and feeling the most unbearable pain in each and every one!

I couldn't do it!

NO!

I was wrong, all the torture from before, all my physical pain, I would endure it a thousand times, so long as I had her near me!

No!

"NANETH!"