Characters: Cpt.Jack, Ianto, Gwen
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Setting: After children of Earth
Ianto
Dying isn't hard, it's easy really. The hard part is letting the people you love go. The last thing I can remember before I died is the feeling of Jack's hands on my face, brushing away tears. I'm not sure whose tears they were; mine or his, it didn't really matter anyway, and his lips on mine, the taste of salt and heartbreak.
Then I was gone. That was it. No fanfare, no walking into the light, just nothing.
Until of course I woke up, well, kind of.
I didn't know how long I'd been dead for, or whether I was alive now until I realised where I was. Cardiff high street gets pretty busy and people just, walked through me. I'd been with Torchwood for long enough to know what I was now and suddenly I was okay with it, because it meant I'd see Jack again. At least I could see him now, even if he couldn't see me.
I looked around for anything that would tell me what date it was, how long I'd been gone for. It struck me then: He might have moved on.
That thought alone made me feel like someone was ripping my heart out and dancing on it. It all depended on how long he'd had to get over us.
Someone threw a newspaper on the ground, it was the 17th of November. I'd been gone a little under a month, long enough for Jack to move on? In a way I wanted him to move on, to live and love again, But I didn't know if I could watch it happen, silent in the background of someone else's story with him.
I knew exactly where he'd be and walked there, knowing that the moment his smell hit me I'd be home, if only for a while. I figure *this* isn't indefinite, eventually I'll just, fade away I guess. Torchwood. The HQ had been rebuilt since the 456 incident and seeing as it was around midday on a Wednesday, I knew that Gwen and Jack would both be there, as if they were waiting for me, like I'd never left.
God he looked good in that coat. It was the one item of clothing he owned that would just look wrong on anyone else. I stood back for a second, drinking him in, not caring that Gwen was there too, not listening to what they were saying, just looking at Jack. And frowning when I noticed the dark circles under his eyes, the wrinkled shirt he was wearing, the stubble smattered on his face. He hadn't been sleeping. The temptation to call out to him, let him know that I was here and that my death wasn't his fault was huge. I knew he couldn't hear me anyway, so I sat in my old chair and just started listening to them talk
"Jack, it wasn't your fault alright? There's no one to blame here! I know you haven't slept,and I worry about you ok? Do you think this is what iant-" Jack winced, as if he'd been physically hit with a brick. " Don't. Please don't say his name." My eyes filled with tears and I reached out to him, put my hand on his shoulder. He whipped around, suddenly alert, eyes full of expectant hope.
"Jack? What are you doing?" Gwen whispered, trying to be more gentle now she'd seen how just my name had hurt him. "I… It felt like… like he was here, right there, at his desk. Gwen, I could smell his cologne" The look on his face, anger and pain…now he knew how it felt for me to watch him die, even though he would come back every time, the raw vulnerability was there, grief like a gaping wound. I would stay with him, until I couldn't stay any more.
"Jack, he's gone okay? There's nothing you or I can do about it. I loved him too but he would want us to move on." Gwen was holding his hand, making him feel better. I felt a familiar pang of jealousy. This was not going to be fun.