They had argued yet again that evening. Gwendolynn Trevelyan was a stubborn woman and once decided, her mind was nearly impossible to change. She stormed out, infuriated and he dropped himself on the chair, rustling with the substantial pile of the reports on his desk. Even though Cullen insisted for Cassandra to temporarily relieve him from his position, his replacement had troubles adjusting to the workload. Cullen, as sick as he felt, had still volunteered to help Ser Tavish out. He picked up one report and stared at it, trying to focus. He had to put the paper very close to his face to be able to read anything and he gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to crumple the Maker - accursed piece of paper.

And this is what she wants, the idiot woman!

About a month ago, Gwen came to him for some quality time together. Cullen, however, felt under the weather and they spent the evening playing chess. Well, she had been playing. He felt like a horse carriage ran over him but took great pleasure in observing Gwen's facial expressions, changing accordingly to the strategy she used.

"Cullen," her voice made him raise his eyes from the board. "What is it like to be a templar?"

"Why would you ask?"

"I want to become one."

"You what ?!" Cullen jumped up, hitting the table with his knee and knocking the chessboard over, figurines scattering over the floor. "Why would you even... Why ?"

"It is what I was raised for. This is what I believe in. And in our current situation this is the best choice I can make.Templars have the best chance to stand against Venatori."

Cullen grabbed her shoulders, his hands shaking slightly. He examined her eyes, searching for a hint that she was joking. But Gwen looked as calm and serious as always.

"Everything I told you about Kirkwall, about... about... everything I said," he stuttered nervously mixing and swallowing words, his thoughts running wild. "You can't! Do you want to end up as I did? Do you ?!"

"I thought about it a lot,"she pried Cullen's hands away and stroked his knuckles gently with her thumbs. "I need to do this. And I am counting on you to guide me through."

"Oh do you?"he scoffed and stepped away. "Because, Maker be my witness, I cannot even count on myself."

Without saying anything else, Gwendolynn left, leaving him alone. Since then nothing had changed, save the fact that Gwen went through with her plan and started to take lyrium. Their relationship was slowly going downhill, for Cullen was not getting any better and as soon as his lover was anywhere in vicinity, he could smell lyrium on her. He could taste it on her lips when they kissed. It aggravated his withdrawal and just as he was avoiding the rest of the templars in Skyhold, he started avoiding her as well, feeling horrible about it. Luckily for them, the work of the Inquisitor was never done and she was out in the field for the long periods. Every time she left, Cullen hoped that when she came back, his symptoms would go away but every time he was left disappointed. On top of everything, the thought of Gwen taking lyrium made his skin crawl and every chance he had, Cullen tried to talk her out of it. Gwen refused to see reason. In her pragmatic yet surprisingly idealistic mind, she was making a sacrifice for the greater good.

And so today was no different. He sighed, put reports aside and made his way to the bed, throwing dirty boots in the corner and falling face - down in the pillows, not bothering to undress.

"Cullen?"

He opened his eyes and looked around drowsily. It was still dark outside. The voice that woke him up came from across the room. Cullen lifted himself up on his elbows and scanned the surroundings. Gwen was standing near the window, her face basking in the moonlight. Her eyes were red and somewhat puffed up. Had she been... crying?

"I can't take this anymore."

Cullen's heart dropped. He had been dreading to hear her say that since the whole ordeal had begun. He crawled off the bed, his head feeling heavy and came closer.

"Gwen, what are you..."

"Us arguing. All the time." she clenched her fists together and finally turned to face him. "I am done with this."

"What do you want then?" he exhaled, staring in her determined steel - grey eyes.

"I was happy. I am not anymore... I want you, Cullen."she smiled shyly as her calloused palm gently caressed his cheek. "I will do what you want. Do we agree?"

Cullen opened his mouth to say something but Gwen quickly pressed a finger to his lips.

"All I need from you is a 'yes'."

"Yes."

"Thank you, Commander." she stepped away, ugly grin creeping on her face. Her eyes lit up in poisonous green, the colour of the Breach. "The deal is sealed."

Maker, what have I done?!

Next moment Cullen collapsed on the floor.

He groaned and opened his eyes, blindly groping the floor. Once the sight had returned, Cullen looked around and gasped. The Harrowing Chamber of Kinloch Hold. It was just as he remembered, save the absence of the bloody mutilated corpses. Cullen wanted to adjust his gloves, the neurotic habit he had developed through the years, but as he looked at his hands he had noticed he was wearing gauntlets. His old templar armor. With a disgusted noise Cullen attempted to rip it off but without success.

"Welcome, Knight - Captain."

"That is not my... " he hissed and turned in the direction of the voice and, as he glanced at its source, the rest of the sentence stuck in his throat.

She stood there, beautiful willowy creature, the caleidoscopic light of the stained - glass windows reflecting on her fair skin. Heavy ash - blond braid was thrown over one shoulder, reaching up to her waist. And the eyes, deep - blue and innocent, open wide and looking straight at him.

Neria.

"You have no right to pose as her, filthy thing!"

"You gave me the right, when you said 'yes'." a predatory smile lit up Surana's face as she walked closer. "Foolish little Commander, some templar you turned out to be."

Cullen hung his head in defeat. There was no point arguing that he had messed up. Without lyrium his abilities were nothing but a shadow of their former selves and he had been too weak, both in body and in mind, to realise in time he had been played by a demon.

"Your remorse is delicious." 'Neria' sighed happily, making an inappropriate sound of excitement. "It had been worth waiting all this time."

"Which one are you? Pride? Fear?"

"Nothing but mindless peons, that lot." 'Neria' scoffed and smiled brightly. "I am much more special. Me and your beloved Inquisitor had quite an interesting encounter once."

Gwen had told him about what had happened in Therinfal Redoubt. She omitted several things during her story and by how uncomfortably she shifted in the chair, Cullen had decided against prying.

"Envy."

The Envy demon, wearing Neria's face, laughed in that sweet laughter he loved about small elven mage so much. The disrespect to her memory, it made him feel sick to his stomach.

"I failed once. But I watched, I learned and I grew. And now I am ready to deal with your Inquisition. Oh, but don't be sad, Commander, you'll get to witness everything you ever held dear become mine."