Awake and Alive

by ThePen23

Songfic to song of same title by Skillet. Challenge accepted from FallenAngel2487. AU, Sabriel, Destiel, slash duh , Crobby, mentions of gay sex, mainly Sam's POV. Gabriel shows up after Dean's deal is up, and somehow ends up saving the world in the process of getting his on again off again boyfriend to stay an on boyfriend. DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!

Awake and Alive

For FallenAngel2487

Disclaimer: I do not own Sam, Gabriel, John, Dean, Castiel, Bobby, Crowley, Ruby, Jess, or the song Awake and Alive. They all belong to their respective owners.

---

I'm at war with the world

And they try to pull me into the dark

I struggle to find my faith

As I'm slipping from your arms

When Jess had died, Sam was sure that he was being punished, no matter what his brother or his long time on-again off-again lover said. Then Dean was electrocuted, and he was sure that their family was cursed, but when his father died, his faith was disappearing, even when he knew that it was his choice, Sam still felt the blame.

But Sam stood by Dean and fought every supernatural baddie they came across, and he started seeing Loki less, and then they found Loki on a hunt, and Dean killed Loki, and Sam's faith was gone, though he searched for it.

And he kept searching for it even after he died, and Dean made his Deal, and Loki returned from the dead. But he was still searching, trusting Ruby more than anyone else.

It's getting harder to stay awake

And my strength is fading fast

You breathe into me at last

And then Dean died, and Ruby didn't have the answers he needed so Sam ditched her too, and then he was fighting to keep living, knowing that Dean had died so he could, but he had forgotten to fight for his already absent faith.

One day he ran into Loki, but he wasn't Loki, he was Gabriel, and Gabriel told him that Dean would be back as soon as the youngest angel in creation, his youngest sibling, found him and yanked him from hell.

And it was like he could breathe again.

I'm awake, I'm alive

Now I know what I believe inside

Now it's my time

I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

And Sam left the law school he had conned his way into, and started hunting. Because now he knew that this was what he was made for, because sure, he wanted that apple pie life that he had dreamed of with Jessica, but he was made for hunting. It took and gave him his faith, and it was what he knew.

It was his time to accept it, and thrive in it, and love it, and to save people.

But this time it was because he wanted to not because someone was forcing him.

Right here, right now

Stand my ground and never back down

I know what I believe inside

I'm awake, and I'm alive

There were times when Sam was sure he wasn't going to make it out, but even then, if there were civilians Sam somehow got them out. But Gabriel always showed up. And Sam never doubted that he would, not really, because there was this small part of his brain and his heart and his soul that would always trust his now on lover.

And he kept fighting, like that day Gabriel had removed the veil from his mind telling him why Dean loved their job, and he had only felt so alive when Gabriel was inside him.

I'm at war with the world

'Cause I ain't never gonna sell my soul

I've already made up my mind

No matter what, I can't be bought or sold

When Castiel pulled Dean from Hell, that seal had been broken and the angels and demons and every baddie he and Dean had ever come across was trying to break more, and trying to break his and Dean's relationship, and trying to turn Sam, and at that moment Sam would never sale his soul that way, no matter what, but now the angels knew Gabriel was alive and they were chasing him.

And neither of them was going to break and help end the world, even if their brothers were unknowingly helping.

When my faith is getting weak

And I feel like giving in

You breathe into me again

And in those moments when Sam felt like giving in, he would find a sucker with a love note in his bag, and then his faith in what they were doing and in Gabriel would be stronger than ever before.

And when Gabriel had to slay his baby brothers and baby sisters, angels he had taught to fly and fight, and raised, and he felt like laying down his sword just so he could try to wash the blood off his hands, one of Sam's prayers would reach him, or occasionally someone Sam had saved would pray to him, thanking him and his father for the two mysterious men who had saved them. And he would remember why he was fighting.

I'm awake, I'm alive

Now I know what I believe inside

Now it's my time

I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

Right here, right now

Stand my ground and never back down

I know what I believe inside

I'm awake, and I'm alive

And when Castiel and Dean realized that they were being played they fought back, and now the two sets of brothers fought back to back, though Sam could tell that even though all of their faiths in what they were doing waivered, his and Gabriel's always seemed to be pushed right before they could do any harm, while Castiel's and Dean's got rather dangerous.

Waking up, waking up

Waking up, waking up

Waking up, waking up

Waking up, waking up in the dark

Sam and Dean had been raised knowing the evils of the world, Gabriel had spent the last few centuries being one while he punished other evils, and Castiel had spent his whole life from when he was the equivalent of a human preteen fighting the evils trying to break in to heaven, whether it was through a door or through a human's memories, and yet this war, a war that shouldn't be fought by two falling angels, two young healthy human men, a wheelchair bounded old human man, and a run-away king of the crossroads demon, it all felt like their first battle against evil.

I can feel you in my sleep

In your arms, I feel you breathe into me

Forever hold this heart that I will give to you

Forever I will live for you

And yet every time Sam slept he felt Gabriel there watching over him, and Sam knew, just as he had known that first time Gabriel, still Loki then, had taken him behind the high school they had been attending, that with one word Sam would fight to live forever, and that Gabriel would always hold his heart, because not even Jess had, because Sam hadn't had it to give to her.

I'm awake, I'm alive

Now I know what I believe inside

Now it's my time

I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

Right here, right now

Stand my ground and never back down

I know what I believe inside

I'm awake, and I'm alive

Waking up, waking up

Waking up, waking up

Waking up, waking up

Waking up, waking up

Sam knew that if Gabriel hadn't been there he and Dean would have never known until it was too late, and that he would have never truly lived, and it was because of that that he didn't regret diving in front of that angel blade aimed for Gabriel. Just as he knew Castiel the human didn't regret dying for Dean. The only thing they did regret was leaving their lovers, but hey, there was no apocalypse.