Disclaimer- Twilight is , ever so sadly, not mine, but belongs to the beautiful Stephenie Meyer.
Chapter 1- Nightmares
I shut my eyes tight and try to keep my breathing even, hoping that if he thinks I'm asleep he'll change his mind and leave. But I know it won't work. It never works. I'm glad I lay on my side facing away from him, because it makes it harder for him to see the terror on my face. He slowly pads over to my bed, and I can sense him standing behind me. He must have been out partying with Laurent because he smells of cheap whiskey and cigarettes. His breathing is ragged and labored. Tears escape down my cheeks as he peals back my covers.
"I know you're awake" he murmurs angrily. I lay still and fight to keep my breathing even. He slowly traces his finger down my spine and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying. When he reaches my bottom, he hooks his finger into the elastic of my boy shorts and pulls them down my legs. With feather soft touches, he walks his fingers back up and roughly paws the naked flesh of my behind. His hand leaves my skin and painfully reconnects with a sharp slap. A shocked cry threatens to tear it's way up my throat, but I force it back down.
"Come on Isabelle. Scream. You know how much I love it" He rubs the stinging skin of my bottom. His hand disappears before he slaps it back down, harder than the first. This time I cry out. "See what happens when you ignore me. I have to punish you." I listen as he undoes his belt buckle and pull it through the loops of his blue jeans. My teeth clench as I prepare for this new assault. The air in the quiet room is thick and stagnant as I draw in as much air as my lungs will allow. I hear the whisper of the belt as it cuts through the air right before it bites into my flesh. A tortured scream rips it's way from my throat and my eyes swim with unshed tears.
"Roll over. Now" I rake in a deep breath and hold it so I won't cry. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of my tears. 'I will be strong this time. I will not cry. I will be strong this time. I will not cry.' I repeat those words over and over in my head as I roll onto my back. He gently slips his hand between my thighs and jerks them apart suddenly, so that I'm completely open to him.
"You look so beautiful like this" His compliment draws bile up to my mouth and I have to concentrate on swallowing it back down. He unzips the front of his blue jeans and I hear them fall to the floor. The bed dips as he sits down next to me, and his hand moves to cup my groin. I bite the inside of my cheek when his finger circles around my opening, and I taste blood when he shoves his finger inside. My spine bows off the bed when he painfully thrusts his finger inside me again and I cry out. I hear his grumbling moan of satisfaction.
He momentarily stops the torment of his finger. "Sit up" he commands. I ignore him, I will not make this easier for him. I don't move. 'I will be strong this time' I think to myself. He grabs a fistful of my hair and violently tugs it so hard it pulls me up into a sitting position.
"What did I say about you ignoring me sis?" he asks in a teasing tone.
"I am not your sister" I reply with controlled anger. "Emmett is my brother. You are not nor will you ever be my brother" I conjure up all my feelings of anger so when I open my eyes, he will see only pure hatred in my glare. However, when I finally open my eyes, all I see is the back of his hand flying forward, right before it connects with the side of my face. Bright stars dance in front of my eyes and I blink repeatedly until my vision slides back into frame. A high pitched ringing in my ears drowns out whatever he said next. He looks at me expectantly.
"What?" I ask groggily. The corners of his mouth pull up into menacing smile.
"I asked 'Is that how you speak to your family?'"
"You are not my family!" I spit out. As he drew his arm back across his body in preparation to hit me again, I closed my eyes and exhaled, waiting for the blow to come. It's in these quiet moments before the pain I know is coming that I try to clear my mind, and relax my body. If I can calm myself enough, I can usually control my reaction. I refuse to let him see my pain. 'I will be strong this time. I will not cry'. The impact of his blow knocks my face to the side and slams me back down onto my bed.
He takes advantage of my disorientation, and grabs my hips to flip me over onto my stomach. He pushes my legs up underneath my body so that my naked bottom sticks up into the air. I feel his erection press against my inner thigh, as he uses a fistful of hair to pull my head back. I know this will be rough. I know this will hurt and that he will take his time. He makes it his goal, every time, to see me cry. 'I will be strong this time. I will not cry'. He gives a sharp tug on my hair to get my attention.
"Fight back Isabelle. I like it when you get frisky" he teases.
"Go to Hell" I sneer at him.
"After you Izzy." And with that he sheathed his entire length inside me. My screams are instantly cut off by him smashing my face down into the mattress. I try to push my body back up, but his strong arm just keeps pushing my face back down. He grips my hips tightly as he pumps himself into me again and again, while my body convulses in pain every time he thrusts himself inside me.
"God, you're so fucking tight." he grunts. The dry friction I feel every time he pushes himself inside me is excruciating. I clench my teeth together so I don't cry. He leans over me, and I can feel the hot skin of his chest on my back. His mouth is close enough to my neck that his hot breath tickles the soft skin behind my ear. His fingers dig into my body so hard I know that I'm going to have bruises tomorrow morning.
Taking deep breathes, I try to clear my mind, and relax my body. I try to calm myself down and slow my heart rate. I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth. I distract myself from the pain by focusing on my breathing. 'I will be strong this time. I will not cry. I will be strong this time. I will not cry'. I wish mom and Phil were here. He can't do this when they're home. He has have to behave when they're home. Phil would disown him if he knew what his son was doing to me.
"Tell me you love my cock inside your pussy" he demands. He's degrading me and he knows it, but he was me to feel humiliated about myself too. I refuse his order knowing there will be some form of punishment. But I don't care. I would rather feel physical pain than emotional and mental pain.
"Say it!" He shouts.
"No!" I retort.
"Say it or I will make you wish you did" He threatens. When I keep quiet, he violently slams into me. He pushes everything he has into me, and with every thrust I scream out in agony. I feel him tearing me apart from the inside out. It feels like razor blades every time he moves inside me. I can't help the tears that fall from my eyes. The pain is just too much for me to bear anymore. I can feel warm liquid dripping down my thigh, and I'm almost positive it blood.
"Don't you wish you said it now?" he asks condescendingly. "If you say it right now I'll end this quick and leave you alone" I feel defeated and just give in.
"Yes!" I cry. "Yes, I love your cock in my pussy! Now please, will you just stop!"
"When I'm done" he says. He quickens his pace and I begin to sob uncontrollably. I have given up, I am done being strong. He tightens his grip on my hips and he thrusts into me one last time then stills, emptying himself inside me. His warmth pouring into me burns like fire in the cuts and tears inside me like salt into an open wound.
He releases his hold on me and slides himself out of my battered flesh. I listen as he pulls his jeans back on and zips them up. It makes me jump when he pushes me over onto my side. He grabs me by my throat, pulling me up into a sitting position. With violent force, he slams his lips against mine and shoves his tongue into my mouth. Still holding my throat, he pulls back to look at my face.
"Your lips taste so salty when you've been crying. Mmm, I love it Isabelle. How long are mom and dad out of town for?
"Tonight and tomorrow night" I answer with a trembling voice.
"Good. So see you again tomorrow night" I look him straight in the eye, hoping to see that he's joking. My stomach drops when I see nothing but seriousness in his dark eyes. A sob breaks it's way from my body and more tears spill over. He shoves me back down onto my bed.
"Clean yourself up. You're disgusting." With that, he turns and walks out of my room leaving me alone and ashamed. I look down and see blood staining my sheets. I get up and rip the sheet off my bed. Wrapping myself up in my quilt, I curl into a ball on the naked mattress. Despair and blackness consumes me as I sob uncontrollably.
BEEP . . . BEEP . . . BEEP . . . BEEP . . .
For just a moment I'm lost and disoriented. My cheeks are wet from nightmares of the past and my heart is pounding painfully in my chest. I'm in my childhood bedroom and it's filled with the soft gray light of Fork Washington. He's 3000 miles away. He can't hurt me here. I reach over and smack the snooze button on my alarm clock. I throw back my blankets and let the cool morning air dissolve the thin layer of sweat that has accumulated all over my body. Closing my eyes, I clear my mind and relax my body. I distract myself from tortured memories by focusing on my breathing. Inhale through my nose and exhale out my mouth. I listen to the rain gently rapping against my bedroom window and Emmett's obnoxious snores coming from his bedroom next to mine.
It's been three months since Charlie and Emmett moved me out here to Forks with them. After I was released from the hospital, dad and Emmett packed me and my stuff into their car and left Jacksonville in the rearview mirror. I didn't want to leave mom, but I couldn't live with him anymore. Renee and Phil are still blissfully ignorant about the demented savage that sleeps under their roof. I haven't told Charlie either, because I wouldn't be able to face him after I told him how his little girl had been defiled repeatedly and how nobody could help her. Emmett knows. I told him everything after he found me screaming and thrashing in my bed one morning after Charlie left early to go fishing with Billy. He promised he wouldn't tell dad or mom either, that I had to do it myself when I was ready.
I got up out of bed and headed downstairs to start the coffee. Today was the first day of my junior year at Forks High School. The weather matched my mood, gray and cloudy. When I first arrived out here I missed the sunshine and heat of Jacksonville, but now I find comfort in the cloudy skies and rain. I took two mugs full of steaming coffee upstairs and walked into Emmett's room. He was sprawled out on his stomach across his bed, arms hugging the pillow he rested his head on.
"Emmett" I called softly, but his loud snores drowned me out. "Emmett!" I yelled. He lazily opened one sleepy eye and looked at me. "Gotta be bright eyed and bushy tailed for our first day Emmett!"
He closed his eye and turned his head away from me.
"I brought coffee" I said enticingly. He took a deep breath and pushed himself up into a sitting position. He grabbed the coffee I held out to him and grunted in tired appreciation. I sat on the edge of his bed beside him and took a sip of my own coffee.
"You ready for today?" he asked me.
"Yeah, I just wish it is was sunny today" I replied, turning to face him.
"Jesus Fucking Christ Bella! You look tired! Like really tired. Did you sleep at all?" I dropped my gaze and used my hair as a curtain between us so he couldn't see how tired I looked. I loved my brother, but sometimes I hated how much he worried about me. He didn't need anymore stress in his life. I always felt guilty for burdening him with my past.
"Not really" I answered truthfully. "I had nightmares again last night". For a long time Emmett didn't say anything, when I looked up and met Emmett's eyes, he just pulled me into a huge bear hug. At first I froze, then forced myself to relax in his embrace. It took most of the summer before I let anyone touch me at all. Emmett and Charlie are the only two I feel comfortable with enough to let them hug me. I don't like them touching me, but I don't hate it as much as I did. When we hug it's more for their sake than mine. They believe that hugs or loving embraces might help chase away old fears, but for me, it triggers the panic that's never too far below the surface.
"I'm gonna hop in the shower Emmett" I announce, pulling away. He just nods and lets me go. I walk across the hall into the bathroom and flip on the light. When I look into the mirror, my eyes are red and puffy and there are dark circles under my eyes. I looked worse when I first arrived in Forks. The right side of my face was bruised and swollen, along with other areas of my body. I could barely walk and barely spoke to anyone. I felt dead inside and sometimes still do. He hurt me more than physically. He broke my spirit and my soul. I was just an empty shell when I first came to Forks. Emmett and my dad have been working everyday to build me back up. I force myself to smile in the mirror. It almost looks real.
"I can do this!" I said out loud. "Today will be a good day because I will make it a good day" I told myself. I closed my eyes and cleared my mind and relaxed my body. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.
That calm was immediately shattered when his face burst into my mind unbidden, flooding my mind with memories of pain and hopelessness. His face will haunt me the rest of my life. He will haunt me the rest of my life. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and pushed all thoughts of him away. This was going to be a good day. I wasn't going to let my stepbrother from hell ruin my day. I wasn't going to let James ruin my day.