Disclaimer: Sup my names Shonda, and I love ruining peoples lives and pissing off my fans.

Nahh, I'm just joshing you. I don't own shit.

A/N: So here's the dealio. I've been obsessed with Grey's since S1. Been writing fic since S2. Never posted anything, since I'm 72 sure it's all crap. This one's okay, I think. I started it before Private Practice was in existence in any way shape or form. I guess it's set sometime early to mid S3. The Shepherd's definitely got their divorce on. Mer and Mark will probably come in somewhere, haven't gotten that far yet. Whatever. If anyone's still reading my rambling, I'm impressed, now on with the story.

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Addison Montgomery had a feeling in her stomach. Not the kind of feeling that Meredith Grey had that day she almost blew up, but a different sort of feeling. A feeling of bottled up anxiety, sadness, and guilt that felt like it was eating her up inside.

It had been a bad year. She had lost Derek, she had lost New York, and now she had just lost her mother. She had lost each thing in a different way, of course. She had lost Derek to indifference and well, Meredith. She had lost Mew York to Seattle, and now she had lost her mother to a heart attack. The 3 AM call from her brother had come as a complete surprise, but to be honest, it was a bit of a relief.

The woman was a complete nightmare. She was incredibly stuck-up, judgemental, and all around irritating. And even though her mother's death had not inspired any intense feelings of grief, it did pose a problem for Addison. She had been planning on traveling to Connecticut to spend Christmas with her mother. It hadn't been something she was looking forward to, but nonetheless she had planned on going.

It wasn't that she had wanted to spend the holiday with her mother, because she hadn't. Really, she just hadn't wanted to be alone. She had been feeling alone for the past few years, and not just around the holidays, and she was growing tired of it. Not a great feeling, to be surrounded by people, and yet still feel completely alone. And that's why, although she didn't particularly like her family, she had planned on spending Christmas with them.

She had been invited by Derek's sister to spend Christmas with the Shepherds. Nancy had called her weeks ago to reiterate what she had told Addison while she was in Seattle. As far as Nancy was concerned, Addison was still very much a part of the Shepherd clan, whether or not she and Derek were together. She just wasn't so sure the rest of the family shared the same opinion of her, Derek in particular.

Sure, they had been civil, but to spend Christmas together? That couldn't be a good idea. Though she hadn't seen them together, she was sure Derek was involved with Meredith, and if he brought her home for Christmas that was bound to be awkward. She and Meredith mostly avoided each other, occasionally working together on cases, but remaining professional. Although they could probably stand to be around each other without any major problems, it would just be less complicated it Addison stayed away.

Maybe she could just talk to Derek about it. Inquire as to his holiday plans in the spirit of being civil? And if he wasn't bringing Meredith, she could call Nancy to see if the offer was still open. Yes, that would work, she would talk to Derek. Chances were he wasn't even going home for Christmas. So with a new resolve, and a plan to talk to her ex-husband about his holiday plans, Addison entered Seattle Grace.