Drinking Partners
Logan was presently drowning his sorrows at the Auger Inn, scowling into his beer and growling under his breath. He had been feeling more than a little down lately after the little accident involving his favorite flannel shirt, a cigarette lighter that had been a present from Nick Fury and a stray paf from Jubilee. Currently Logan was cursing the fact that his healing factor wouldn't even allow him to get drunk when he wanted to. It wasn't even as though there would be a decent barroom brawl either. Life could be so unfair sometimes. Logan listened to the howling winter gale outside and decided that it summed up his mood quite nicely.
Suddenly silence descended over the bustling tavern and Logan's nose twitched as he caught a familiar scent. Of course it was highly unlikely that Hank would frequent a bar like this but there was one other person who smelt like that. Logan's hirsute face split into a wolfish grin as he realized he might just get a decent fight after all. Shrugging off his leather jacket and rolling up the sleeves of his flannel shirt he cast his gaze around the bar and saw his target.
The Dark Beast was presently ordering himself a beer and getting very polite service no doubt due to his intimidating presence. From Logan's frequent patronage people knew it was better just to give feral type mutants what they wanted. It saved a lot of property damage and hospital bills. Dark Beast smiled charmingly and wandered over to find a seat. Logan raised a shaggy brow when he saw the one concession that the Dark Beast had made to the bitter winter chill. As well as his usual trousers he was proudly wearing a Buffy the Vampire Slayer T-shirt (extra large of course). Seeing empty seats in the immediate vicinity of Logan, McCoy dropped gracefully onto a stool next to Logan with a contented sigh.
"What are ya doing here fuzz-ball?"
"Like you my fine feral friend I came for an alcoholic beverage. By the way I consider the term "fuzz-ball" to be derogatory, so please call me McCoy or Dark Beast if you must. Anyway you are nearly as hirsute as I am so you are a fine one to talk."
Snikt! Out popped the claws and Dark Beast sighed heavily and beckoned the bartender over. He quickly ordered Logan several more beers which mollified the feral considerably. The claws were retracted and a truce was agreed for an hour or two at least. The other patrons breathed a collective sigh of relief.
"Ya know I can't even get plastered properly. Even vodka might as well be orange juice fer all the effect it has on me. I don't know why I bother sometimes having a good brood and drowning my sorrows when I can't get drunk."
"I can sympathize with that my friend and I may have a serum here which will be the solution to your problems. It will temporarily suppress your healing factors ability to neutralize alcohol making you as capable of becoming inebriated as the rest of us. In short it will allow you to get drunk."
"This had better not be an attempt ta poison me since that wouldn't work and just make me mad. Still ya offer's tempting."
Dark Beast shook his head sorrowfully not understanding why Logan couldn't accept his altruism. He was of course offering this in the hope that Logan would agree to leave him in peace. In the end he offered Logan his throat, allowing him to place the claws there and Logan accepted these terms. After ten minutes Logan felt no symptoms and withdrew the claws to McCoy's relief since he was getting a crick in his neck. Logan downed the beer in one gulp and smiled happily for the first time that night.
"Hey what do ya know furry, ya serum worked. I'm going ta have a whole lot more beers now, might as well make the most of it I suppose."
"Indubitably my dear Logan, that is a splendid idea and I think I will join you."
Unfortunately since Logan was unused to being affected by alcohol he drank his usual copious amounts and as a result he soon became very drunk indeed. Dark Beast also had rather a lot of drinks himself and soon was roaring drunk himself. Unlike some people when they're drunk his reasoning did not become impaired but he did tend to feel emotions which were usually alien to him primarily compassion and tenderness.
McCoy blinked as he felt a rough hand feeling his face, the hand was withdrawn and Logan then began stroking the fur on Dark Beast's forearm. The furry gray mutant was rather bemused by this but decided to tolerate it for the time being.
"Ya know Hank I thought yer fur would be rough like stubble but it ain't. Ya got soft fur like a kitty cat," slurred Logan.
"Well I'm not sure how I ever managed without that knowledge so thank you for the enlightenment. Logan would you stop that right now, I'm not a cat."
"No ya look more like a werewolf, ya know bub, I look like a werewolf too don't I."
People were beginning to stare at them and there were quite a few raised eyebrows. Dark Beast was distracted by Logan suddenly bursting into tears and flinging his arms around him while sobbing hysterically.
"No-one loves me, yer my only pal."
McCoy sighed heavily and rubbed Logan's sideburns in what he hoped was a soothing manner. Logan finally stopped his blubbering and Dark Beast had time to regret administering the serum before Logan suddenly looked at him and made a profound statement.
"McCoy yer beautiful bub, yer beautiful!" he yelled loud enough for all to hear.
"Oh hell, now they'll think we're gay mutants," muttered McCoy.
Sighing heavily he dragged Logan to his feet and decided it was time to leave. Supporting the staggering feral he made sure to grab Logan's jacket. Flinging a wad of notes to the bartender he beat a hasty retreat with his inebriated friend in tow. Normally he would have ditched Logan right away but compassion made him decide to take Logan back to the mansion. After all he didn't want any harm to come to the poor fool.
"Uptown girl, She's been living in her uptown world, I bet she's never had a backstreet guy, I bet her mama never told her why," sang Logan loudly.
"Surprisingly good singer, aren't we Logan? You live and learn," mumbled Dark Beast scratching his chin.
At that point they were ambushed by Steve Irwin who leapt out at them from the shadows. With a muttered oath McCoy was bowled over by the irritating Australian and with a triumphant cry of "Crikey" the Croc Hunter began wrestling with the Dark Beast. Logan watched on bemused as Steve managed to get McCoy in a headlock.
"What's happening bub?"
"Crikey, just look at this gorgeous critter. Yer a beautiful boy," chirped Steve as he kissed Dark Beast on the nose.
With an angry roar Dark Beast shook off Steve sending him slamming into the wall. The Aussie lay groaning and Dark Beast gave him a kick in the ribs for good measure before stomping over to Logan. The feral had found the whole affair deeply amusing but stopped his thunderous laughter after a hard glare from Dark Beast. Growling McCoy stalked off dragging the drunken feral behind him.
Steve rubbed his sore ribs and then gave a triumphant grin. The Aussie shifted back into the familiar blue skinned form of Mystique. The bruises and scratches disappeared and she was completely unmarked by her encounter. The look on Dark Beast's face though was worth any amount of pain.
"The Toad was right, using your powers for pranks can be fun," purred the psychotic shape-changer.
Somehow McCoy managed to get his charge back to the mansion without any further problems. Just as he was about to open the front door and shove Logan inside the feral mutant's legs gave way and he slumped to the ground. Sighing McCoy stooped and picked him up, Logan's considerable weight was an easy burden for one of Dark Beast's strength. Logan yawned widely and then promptly went to sleep finding McCoy's chest to be a perfect substitute pillow.
"I'd better take you to your room I suppose. Luckily I remember where that is,"
Dark Beast bounded swiftly up the stairs and soon found Logan's room. Opening the door he settled Logan down into a chair before pulling back the bedcovers. He took of Logan's jacket hanging it by the door and considerately removed the ferals boots and socks. Now it was just the case of putting Logan into the bed, tucking him and making a quick exit through the window. Unfortunately Logan woke up at this point and grabbed hold of McCoy's sideburn.
"Ain't ya gonna tell me a bedtime story bub?" asked Logan with puppy dog eyes.
"Stars and garters, I don't believe this. Oh very well then, just let go off the hair. "
"Please Beastie," pleaded Logan in a tone dangerously close to a whine. He had learned well from Jubilee's example.
"Once upon a time there was a little girl with blonde hair and her name was Goldilocks."
A little while later Logan was fast asleep. McCoy gazed down at Logan seeing how vulnerable and somehow innocent he looked. It touched something in his heart and for a few seconds a smile softened those bestial features. McCoy shook his head and sighed deciding to abandon his plans of just making a quick exit now. Anyway he reckoned that the X-Men owed him a debt that they might as well start paying off now.
Letting himself into the kitchen he devoured a copious amount of Twinkies, Sugar Bombs, candy and other sugary foodstuffs washed down with some Bourbon and a couple of cans of beer. Then he went into the lounge, a borrowed trench coat belonging to a certain Cajun made an adequate blanket and the cushion was his pillow. Crashing on the sofa he was soon fast asleep.
"Stars and garters, what are you doing here?" roared Hank as he made a startling discovery that morning. His cries brought Remy running and the Cajun let out a horrified gasp as he saw what had happened.
"Merde, dat was Remy's favorite coat, now look at what de furry fool has done. De coat is ruined, covered in all de little gray hairs. Remy teach him a lesson now mon ami!"
Dark Beast blinked awake to find a staff pointing at his throat like an accusing finger while the Cajun prepared a charged card. Looking at the bewildered looking Hank, McCoy calculated his chances and decided on the most sensible course of action.
"Please, I yield, surrender, submit, capitulate, throw in the towel or in other words give up. Please I beg you have mercy, I swear I've done nothing wrong here and I'll pay for the coat to be dry cleaned and for the Bourbon and Twinkies."
"De furry fool drank de Bourbon!"
"You ate my Twinkies."
Hank and Remy exchanged looks and then glared down at the cowering McCoy who had thrown himself at their feet. Dark Beast looked up and did his best to look helpless and appealing knowing that the X-Men had a thing against slaughtering defenseless or surrendered enemies even ones like him.
"Should we kill him mon ami?"
"He has surrendered Remy but he did eat my Twinkies. No let's grant him quarter just this once."
Remy still had his doubts but these were swiftly forgotten when Logan rushed into the room interposing himself in front of Dark Beast and extending his claws. McCoy accepted the proffered hand and got to his feet.
"Ya ain't going ta harm a single hair on his head either of ya. I owe him fer last night and besides ya ain't gonna hurt him anyway."
"Merde," muttered Remy.
"It is most unusual for you to be inclined towards compassion or clemency towards our enemies so I congratulate you on your newly found merciful streak. We will not harm our hirsute houseguest then but please satisfy my curiosity. Why are you so friendly with the Dark Beast?" asked Hank.
"Because he's my buddy bub, ain't that right fuzz-ball?"
"Yes Logan that's right, you're my buddy," said McCoy with a fang filled grin.
"Stars and garters," muttered Hank finding that the only appropriate response in this situation.
So that was the start of a highly unusual but beautiful friendship between two unlikely drinking partners.