Chapter 1 Mourning Star

Shouts echo through out the room as I sit there getting dressed another night, another town but it's always the same thing. I roll into another city fast asleep on the tour bus, wake up just a few hours before the show and go through a pratice run on stage then next thing I know its time for make up and to get dressed. Fans enter the stadiums in droves screaming, calling out for me to start the show and of course I give them what they want. Taking a deep breath I leave my change room and walk out on stage as the lights come on the cries of my adoring fans get louder and I sing for them, each night trying to not break down on stage. Over the last eight years nothing in my life is worth it anymore, nothings worth going on living for and yet here I am night after night pouring my heart out to strangers. foolish people who don't understand true pain, what it is like to truly lose everything that you cared for, to lose yourself in order to make others happy while you have to suffer silently. Frowning at my reflection in the mirror I finish the last of my preparations. "Well at least tonight will be the last night for a while." Sighing softly to myself I start walking over to my band and the cries get louder, thousands chanting my name over and over drowning out the last of my thoughts. Alex my drummer walks over to me and places a strong hand on my shoulder and looks at me with his coffee coloured eyes filled with worry and my heart skips a beat or two, those eyes they remind me so much of the demons from my past that I can't stand to look at them. " Kylie you feeling alright there girl, you look a little down and out and it's starting to freak us out babe." Alex whispers gently in my ear shaking me out of my thoughts.

My only reply is a simple smile and nod, what does he want me to say? I turn away from him and he gets the message "alright Kylie I understand, but trust me Missy after the show we are having a chat. No way of getting out of it tonight." He goes back to his drums and crosses his arms in frustration and I roll my eyes in annoyance as the curtains open to bring us in front of thousands of people cheering wildly. Taking a deep breath I step towards the microphone and shout into it "What's up Denver are we having a good night tonight?" The crowd goes wild in response to my question and I set up my first song Blank Space. I start to sing and stare out into the never ending sea of people searching for him, I don't expect to see him but it is worth the try. The man who broke my heart all those years ago, naturally I don't see him anywhere and my heart starts to hurt.

The concert continues for a about another hour and I try to hide my disappointment. Finishing my final song for the evening I frown and walk towards the edge of the stage. "Thank you everyone for coming out tonight you've been a wonderful crowd, this is going to be my last concert for a while. Don't worry I'll be back with more songs for you guys soon, have a good night Denver Colorado!" I yell into the mic then retreat behind stage and into my dressing room with Alex not far behind me. 'Shit how could I forget that he wanted to talk to me, better get this over with.' Alex sits down on the couch not far from me and gazes into my green eyes as if to ask me what is going on, and I finally break down. "He didn't show Alex, that fucking fat ass bastard didn't even show up. I honestly thought that he would have been here tonight, I hoped that he didn't forget about me after eight years but silly little Kylie was wrong again. Why, why do I continue to let myself get hurt by him when he hasn't even been in my life for the last eight fucking years WHY?" I pick up a vase of roses and throw it hard against the wall before I fall to my knees crying hysterically. "God damn it Ky just forget about that ass, all he's ever done is hurt you. Why are you still hung up on him like that, girl you know that you can do better then him. Hell what are you going to do when you go home and you happen to run into him some place? South park isn't exactly a big city ya know, your bound to meet up with him some time." He crosses his arms and glares at me knowing that he's got a valid point but I just look away and silently ask him to leave and go back to his family in Detroit. "Ky I just don't like seeing you so upset, keep in touch ok baby girl?" He questions me as he pulls me up to give me a hug good bye before exiting my room and I release my breath that I didn't realize that I had been holding. "Good bye Alex." I whisper softly to no one in particular and begin getting into my street clothes.

After getting ready to go I look in my mirror for the last time shaking my head gently 'I need a fucking haircut bad, stupid record company and their stupid rules. I'm a dude for crying out loud, why do I have to pretend to be a chick all the time? Hell even my band mates have no idea about my true gender!' I'm soon startled out of my thoughts by a persistent banging at my door causing me to groan. "Who is it and what do you want? I'm kind of busy here so make it quick." I snap at the person just behind the door hoping that they would go away but as usual luck was never on my side. An annoying deep voice travels through the door trying their best to sound civilized. "Hello Kylie I'm a reporter with the South Park Post, I would like to ask you a few questions." My heart starts to hammer in my chest, that voice was unmistakable even after all of these years I still remember it. I slowly reach for the door handle praying that I was wrong, that it was all just a stupid dream and I would wake up on the tour bus. Unfortunately this was no dream and I knew that deep down inside, as I opened the door my suspicions were proven to be correct and the object of my dread stood just outside my door smiling just like when we were kids. "Hello Kahl."

To be continued...