Hello, it's me

He was only a lad of fourteen years when she entered the class for the first time that morning in the middle of the school year. Blonde hair, green eyes, her new books pressed to her chest with a shy look on her face, looking for a free spot to sit.

For a moment he bit his bottom lip before her gaze found his and he smiled, nodding slightly to the empty seat next to him. Back row wasn't the best place to sit for sure but it was better than none. She seemed to consider it for a moment before she came over to him, placing her things on the desk and sitting down, looking at her books and the papers she probably got from the office.

"I'm Killian", he said, turning around to her with an extended hand and a huge grin on his face. She looked up at him, then down at his hand and then back to his face before taking his hand in hers, squeezing slightly.

"I'm Emma", she said with a smile on her lips and he knew within a heartbeat that he'd want to be friends with this girl.

Killian threw an arm over his eyes as the memories began to haunt him again. He had been in love with her from the first second their eyes had met and yet here he was, ten years later, alone and heartbroken in his nearly empty apartment that never really felt like home, an empty rum bottle dangling from his fingers as he lay on the couch.

He would never be at home here. Home were two beautiful green eyes and a smile so bright it could lighten up the darkest of nights.

She had always been his home but he'd been a fool, a dumb idiot who had thrown it away because he felt obligated to follow in Liam's footsteps.

A sigh left his mouth when he reached over to his phone buzzing on the table, scrolling through his contacts until he found her name and picture. It was one of the last ones he took of her before he left, knowing he was no better than anyone else and that he didn't deserve her.

He also knew that Emma wouldn't answer him. She'd never contacted him again but he just couldn't stop, so he found himself calling her from time to time, praying that one day she would accept his call and the apology that could never make up for what he did. Their love was still sitting in his bones like a ghost he couldn't control and he didn't even know if her number was still the same.

"Hello, it's me..."

"Brother, do yourself a favor and just go over and tell her how you feel", Liam grunted, shoving at his shoulder.

Killian sighed and put his head on the table, careful not to spill any of his drink. "We're best friends, Liam. I don't want to ruin it", he mumbled against the hard wood of the table, making Liam groan even louder.

"Every god damn idiot can see she feels the same. I swear to god, Elsa and Ruby and everyone else knows except you two." Liam started to poke him in the ribs now and Killian yelped, getting the attention from the girls who were sitting only two tables further away.

His face flushed bright red and he turned his gaze away but he could still hear them giggling softly. This was supposed to be a get together with friends, not some evening of love proclamations.

"If you don't mind my saying brother, it took you a whole year to tell Elsa that you like her and you weren't even friends. You had nothing to lose", Killian said with a glare at the older man besides him before taking a sip of his drink.

Liam shoved at his shoulder again, ignoring his comment completely. "And you have been best friends ever since you met, long before you could even grow hair on your face. You know her better than anyone and yet you can't see it."

Killian took a long gulp and got up, running a hand through his hair. "That's it, I'm leaving", he grunted, not in the mood to let Liam pester him anymore. He couldn't tell Emma that he was madly in love with her. He would ruin everything.

Ever since that day she had entered the class for the first time, they had been hanging out and had become closer and closer every moment. He'd known he was in love with her for a long time now, but he was only sixteen. What did he know of love?

He left the garden they were sitting in through the back entrance, wanting to take the way home through the woods, but a gentle hand at his arm stopped him.

When he turned around, he met the surprised look in her eyes and couldn't help but smile. He always smiled when he saw her, his heart always skipped a beat and it was tearing him apart.

"Why are you leaving so early?", she asked him, tilting her head to the side. He turned completely to her, taking in a deep breath and scratching behind his ear.

"I don't really feel like partying tonight, sorry." He swallowed and looked down, shuffling a little with his feet until she laughed.

"Me neither. Walk with me?" The smile on her face made his heart stop for a moment and he knew he couldn't refuse her.

She held her hand out to him and waited patiently until he took it, nodding. "Of course, love."

He put his phone away after speaking on her voicemail, not knowing if she listened to any of them or just deleted them right away.

The night of their first kiss after the party was still clear to his eyes and so present in his mind, tugging at his heart so heavily he couldn't breathe for a moment. How her hands held onto the lapels of his leather jacket as she kissed him so hard and passionate that he thought he'd lose the ground beneath his feet.

Ever since then they'd been High School sweethearts, the kind you read about in novels, always touching and kissing and sneaking away into the broom closet to make out.

They did everything together and sometimes it clearly annoyed their friends but it wasn't really that bad. Even in the Yearbook they were voted cutest couple and just thinking of the picture made his eyes glassy. She had been seated on his lap, his arms around her and she was kissing his cheek in surprise when they were both supposed to look at the camera. The photographer chose to take this one to show that they really were the cutest couple.

Liam had always teased him endlessly about it but he didn't mind, knowing that his brother only held himself back with the PDA because he knew that Elsa's anxiety was nothing to make fun of. They were in the second place of cutest couple for sure.

Killian sighed, raising the bottle to his eyes and letting out a grunt when he realized that it really was empty and didn't magically refill itself.

Liam... his dearest brother, may his soul rest in peace. Losing him had changed everything within the blink of an eye. The loss of his brother had made him make a choice he still regretted.

"Of course I'll call you later after he's arrived, love. You go and study with Ruby, I'll be fine", he said with a huge grin on his face. "I love you."

He ended the call and shoved the phone back into his pocket, walking downstairs where Elsa was already waiting for him in the kitchen.

Killian took in a deep breath. "Bloody hell, this smells amazing", he said and went to stand next to Elsa, looking down at the stew she was making. It was Liam's favourite, a kind of tradition for when he came home.

His brother took his job in the Navy seriously, especially lately when he was supposed to become a Captain of his own ship. He had worked hard to achieve his goal and today he'd come back from his departure with either good or bad news.

It'd been two months since they'd seen him and he was grateful that Elsa was here, looking out for him whenever his brother was gone so that he wasn't passed off to some foster guardian.

He never liked them, they were too strict and they weren't family but Elsa had become his family, just as Emma had. A bit of sadness tugged in his chest that she wouldn't be here when Liam brought the news. He liked to have her by his side, holding his hand, taking the anxiety right out of him with her presence, but she had important exams to study for.

'You never need to study, it's not fair', he heard her saying in his head and grinned. Normally he'd just kiss her to shut her up, something that always worked and-

"Ouch!", he yelped and glared playfully up at Elsa who had hit him with an empty box of ingredients.

"I asked you if you'd get me some more potatoes from the basement, silly", she answered with a laugh and he pouted, nodding and making his way downstairs.

Liam would be here any moment and he was more than excited to finally have his brother back, the only father figure he had.

When the doorbell rang he almost dropped the bag of potatoes, just sprinted upstairs again and put it in the kitchen before making his way to the front door where Elsa was already standing.

A frown was forming on his forehead. The man was from the Navy but it wasn't his brother. He walked towards them, putting a hand on Elsa's shoulder. "What's going on?"

But he didn't need to ask anymore questions when a sob slipped from her mouth as she clutched a box to her chest with Liam's name on it. The Lieutenant in front of him giving them his condolences.

His brother wouldn't be coming home anymore.

The empty rum bottle flew across the room, shattering against the wall and he couldn't care less.

After Liam's death they had given him his old uniform and a sextant that had been meant to be a gift. From that moment on some kind of responsibility had overtaken him.

His brother was supposed to became a Captain after his last departure but died in a horrible accident. A bloody, stupid accident. He didn't even die a hero serving his country.

Killian and Elsa had sued the people responsible for it but it hadn't given them much peace. While Elsa had tried to get over it by spending time with family and friends, Killian had chosen the much sadder method of drinking and avoidance. Even Emma hadn't been able to reach him for the first few days, not even after hearing the news from Elsa.

He had locked himself in his room, only coming out when he was sure no one was there. He didn't want to answer calls from friends, he didn't want to answer calls from colleagues of his brother and he didn't want to plan the funeral.

It had been Emma in the end to get him out of his downward spiral.

"I'm not leaving until you open the door, you know!", she yelled through the wood and he groaned, pressing a pillow over his head.

She had been there for three hours, yelling and talking and she just wouldn't shut up. He had told her over and over again that he didn't want to see anyone but she was just too stubborn.

"I can start singing, you know", she said and he could literally see the sly grin on her face.

He took a deep breath and got up, unlocking and opening the door. He blinked into nothing for a moment before looking down, seeing how she was seated on the ground, staring up at him with a small smile.

His heart hurt at the sight. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her until now. She jumped to her feet and right into his arms, hugging him close. For a long moment he was just frozen in place, his hand still on the door handle before he finally let go, wrapping his strong arms around her.

"I'm so sorry, Killian", she whispered and stroked his back. He closed his eyes, trying to take deep breaths but after weeks of just pushing everything down, he was too weak and too tired, exhausted of being alone, exhausted of being himself.

He bit his bottom lip hard when he started to shake, burying his face in the crook of her neck, holding onto her even more.

"It's okay to cry."

Those were the words that broke him as he let out a sob. He hadn't cried since he'd broken his foot three years ago, hadn't allowed himself to cry over his brother's death yet because someone had to be the strong one. That's what he had told himself at least.

She was leading them over to the bed where she sat down and urged him to lay his head on her lap, which he did.

She ran her fingers through his hair and placed a kiss on the top of his head as the sobs died down, his eyes closed. He didn't dare look at her.

"See? Wasn't that hard to let me in, eh?"

He wished she would offer her lap for him now like she had so many times back then.

She had helped him back into his normal life, made him enjoy things again, but the need to make Liam proud had been growing inside of him more and more.

When their last year in school started to come to an end, everyone was freaking out about college, studying hard. Emma had wanted to go into law for as long as he could remember and she had less time for him. He didn't mind, helping her study whenever he could.

But every time people asked him what he wanted to do with his life, he'd just shrugged, telling them he didn't know. Everyone believed him because he wasn't someone that would normally lie to people but boy, did he lie to all of them. Even Emma.

Ever since his brother's death, the idea of joining the Navy had come into his mind. Becoming the Captain that Liam had wanted to become but never got the chance. Making his brother proud.

He had looked into all the information he needed, spoke to old friends of his brothers about how he could apply and how everything would work out.

The more information he had gotten, the more he'd known he had to choose. The Navy or Emma. When they were younger, they had promised to go to college together and he couldn't bear the thought of telling her that he would leave.

But one day, he'd had to.

"You said we needed to talk?", she asked with a hint of suspicion in her voice when she arrived at the playground they used to meet when they were younger.

He was seated on the back of a bench, head hanging low, hands not really knowing what to do.

"Aye", he answered and swallowed, looking up at her. He could see in the way her face changed that she already knew that something was going on.

"So? What does my prom king have to tell me?" She tried really hard to lighten up the situation with his joke but he couldn't give her back more than a crooked smile.

They really had become king and queen of prom only a few days ago and he actually had managed to have fun, shoving the bad thoughts into the back of his mind, telling her how much he loved her over and over again while dancing and drinking and enjoying their last time as students.

Their group of friends had all passed their exams, everyone was graduating and spreading out into the world soon enough but she was still thinking that they'd see the world together.

A foolish thought given the fact that he was about to destroy her hopes and dreams.

"I'm leaving", he choked out and stood up so he could get a better look at her. Confusion was forming on her face and he sighed, knowing he had to explain. "I applied to join the Navy weeks ago but was too afraid to tell you. They'll move me to the West Coast for the time of my training."

Emma was silent for a few seconds. To him they felt like hours, holding his breath, not knowing what she would say. Would she accept it? Try to continue a long distance relationship? Or would she break up with him? He really didn't know. Hell, he didn't even know what he wanted.

"When?", she asked simply and he could hear that she was holding back a sob.

He avoided her gaze as he took a deep breath and answered with a whispered, "Tomorrow."

Those words had been the biggest mistake of his life.

Emma had left him standing on the playground and he hasn't even known if she was mad or sad or something in between. He had decided to let her cool off, making sure Elsa let her know the time of his departure the next day. After saying goodbye to his sister in law at the airport, he waited until he almost missed the plane for Emma to show up.

She never did.

While he was in training he'd barely had any time to contact anyone, not even Elsa. It had been harder than he had expected but he'd made it through the weeks of torture.

A couple of weeks after he was officially declared a member of the Navy, he had gotten a letter from Emma. Not an email or a text but a letter. Way too formal for his taste.

The letter was the thing that had broken him most and he could still remember every single word that she had written down. Telling him how much she loved him but how she couldn't do this. How she needed someone to be at her side because everyone was leaving her. Telling him how he wasn't better than everyone else but that she had enjoyed their time together but that this was it.

After that, he never heard a word from her again. She didn't answer his calls or his messages.

When he had gotten back to Storybrooke for the first time in long weeks, Elsa had told him that Emma left to study law in Boston and he was happy for her that she was able to build a life, even if it was without him. All of his friends were gone and the love of his life too.

He had broken her heart and his too.

Killian groaned when a text came in and he looked at his phone, seeing that David had sent him some message. He almost dropped his phone when he looked at it.

'Hey there, Killian. I know we haven't talked in quite some time and I know what day it is and maybe this is a bad idea but Mary Margret and I wanted to invite you to Thanksgiving dinner in a few weeks. Elsa is coming too and we were afraid you might spend it alone, so give me a call if you're interested.'

He had distanced himself even from his best friend after he got wounded during a mission. His eyes immediately found the scar that ran from elbow to hand, reminding him that he had lost everything over and over again.

It was only a couple of months after he'd been promoted to Captain that he got hit, nearly tearing his arm apart. The doctors had barely been able to save it, wanted to amputate at his wrist. He'd refused. Now he was stuck with barely any feeling in his left hand but it was better than being an obvious cripple. The scar, however, was a reminder of how his heart looked.

They had released him from his duty because he couldn't work in the Navy properly anymore with a destroyed hand and he refused to do desk work. That wasn't why he had chosen this path, that wasn't why he'd left Emma.

So he became the same man he had been after his brother's death, drinking himself into oblivion. But this time she wasn't there to save him. This time no one told him it would be okay. This time he couldn't put his head down on her lap.

This time, he had been all alone.

His first instinct was to ask if Emma was coming along too but he shook his head, knowing that he would sound pathetic half drunk. Sleeping it off was the best option for now. When he was sleeping, he felt no pain.

Not even on the day Liam died all those years ago.

It took him a couple of days to actually answer David but he agreed on driving over for a visit, knowing he needed to crawl out of his shell once in a while. Elsa would be there too, so it was kind of a family event anyway. David had been like a brother to him when they were younger and he hoped that it would still be that way even though they had both changed.

The couple was living in a small town in Tennessee, close to Nashville. They had always wanted to move closer to the city and he never really understood why. Still, he didn't care enough to ask. If it made them happy then it was fine.

After driving for hours his body started to hurt and he was quite tired. He had chosen to drive through the night so he could be there around lunch without getting stuck on the Highway. There was barely any traffic at night and he had insomnia to keep him awake anyway.

He felt himself drifting off as he drove slowly through the streets of this small ass town with all those pretty houses, trying to find the address that David had given him. He didn't expect it when someone came running full speed out of an alley and he had to stomp down on the breaks.

"What the fuck?!", the guy yelled at him but Killian just groaned, rolling his eyes and mumbling curses. He really was too tired for this shit right now.

For a second it looked like the man was going to yell at him some more but someone else was catching his attention and he crossed the street. Out of curiosity he looked after the man and within seconds he was sitting straight in his car and his eyes were wide open.

The guy was embracing a young woman that looked all too familiar. Long blonde hair with slight curls, green eyes and a smile that could light up the darkest of nights.

The air was pushed right out of his lungs and memories shot through his mind, letting all the pain back in. There was no doubt that it was her.

His Emma...no, not his anymore.

Not when she grabbed the man's hand and smiled at him like she used to smile at him. He huffed to himself, rubbing his eyes to make sure that it was actually real.

Now he knew the reason why she hadn't replied to him, had ignored his calls. She'd actually moved on and no matter how often he apologized for breaking her heart, she didn't care.

It didn't matter because it wasn't tearing her apart anymore.

So he sighed and shook his head and turned the car around, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. It would never be like it was before.

A/N: This fic was originally supposed to end here as a 4k words One Shot but what can I say, I'm weak and love them too much. The next two chapters will come the next days, so look out for them! Thanks so much for reading :3