Yeah, this story is different from my other ones. It's SimonxClary, instead of being ClaryxJace, and SimonxIsabelle. It's also All Human. I probably shouldn't be starting another story, but Guardian Angel has been kicking my ass, lately.

Rated M for crude humor and language.

Ages

Simon: 20

Jace: 22

Maia: 21

Magnus: 24

Alec: 23

Clary: 19

Simon

Clarissa Fray's schedule and routine was burned into his brain, after so many days and weeks of watching her, he knew her agenda better than her own boyfriend.

Clarissa, or as she liked to be called, Clary, did not know that he existed.

Every single day, he walked into the coffee shop that she worked at, cranky in the mornings with frizzy hair and a mouth of a sailor, and sat near a window, and would watch her until her break.

His friends, Alec, Magnus, and Jace told him that his obsession with the barista redhead wasn't healthy. Screw them. Magnus and Alec had eachother, and Jace had Maia. They didn't have to watch the one they loved from a distance.

Simon exhaled heavily, sliding down low into his plush, cushioned armchair. Clary was bobbing her head in beat with her iPod, no doubt listening to The Doors, which was her favorite band.

He smiled to himself. She was too cute, with the way her nose wrinkled when she was confused, and the way her mouth would turn down and her bright green eyes would flash when she was angry...And the way she tossed her head back when she laughed.

He sighed. Soon, he told himself. Soon, she will be mine.

Simon pulled his phone out of his pocket, glancing one last time at Clary, who was now ogling some smiling brightly and waving at the direction of the door. Her boyfriend.

He hated Raphael with a passion. The asshole didn't even know what Clary's favorite flowers were, which were honeysuckles. Instead, every time he would take her out on a date, he'd bring her roses. Pretentious, stuck-up dickhead.

Simon stabbed Jace's number out more violently than he probably should have. He should have some advice on how to get Clary to notice him.

Jace answered the phone on the last ring, breathing heavily. "You bastard," Jace grunted. "You couldn't have picked a worse time to call."

Simon cringed. "That's disgusting."

"Hold on." Simon heard the sound of Jace mumbling something to someone, Maia, most likely, andthe sound of her protests.

"This had better be important, you fucker. I was just about to get laid for the first time in a week." Simon rolled his eyes. If he and Clary were ever going to be in a relationship, he was going to wear the pants in the relationship. Not pussy-whipped like Jace was.

"Yeah? You shouldn't have been hitting on Kaelie during your annivarsary date. I haven't seen Maia cry so hard since Luke died."

"That stupid dog slept on our bed more than I ever did. He should've been the ne sleeping on the couch. Plus, she knows I wouldn't have slept with Kayla."

Simon shook his head, feeling a blow to his heart as Clary hugged Raphael tightly, and the horndog squeezed her ass, causing her to squeal. "It's Kaelie. Besides, I need your advice-"

"Use lotion when you jerk off. Makes things flow smoother. And I don't care what Magnus says, lube is not the best to use. Use that Mary Kay crap. I always use Maia's girly crap when she's on those business trips."

"Okay, thanks for the image." Simon squeezed his eyes shut, willing that particular image away. "It's actually about Clary."

"Ah, of course." Jace's tone had lost its dryness. "Thank God for her. We all thought you were gay, before you "met" her. Last thing we need is another member of the "Sparkly Fags-R-Us" club."

Simon gritted his teeth, reminding himself that Jace was the best person to go to for girl advice. Except for Maia. But she refused to help him, insisting that he needed to grow his own balls and stop stalking the poor girl.

"I need an...Appealing way to approach her. Also, I need it to seem totally anonymous so she doesn't think I'm some sort of creepy stalker, or somethin'."

Jace coughed. "Dude. You kinda ARE a creepy stalker. Anyways, doesn't she have a boyfriend?"

Simon blinked. What a very un-Jacelike thing to say. "Has that ever stopped you?"

Jace snorted. "Hell, no. Maia was with Val, when we hooked up. She threatened to chop off my balls and bury them in Luke's grave if I soiled your innocence when it comes to women, however."

Simon pouted, cringing as he watched Clary slide into Raphael's pansy ass convertible. "Come on. I'll let you be the best man at our wedding."

"And you'll give me your balls when mine are confiscated? Get real, man. It's not like you can just kidnap her and keep her locked away until she falls in love with you. That'd be so fucked up."

Kidnap her and keep her locked away until she falls in love with me. Simon grinned. "Thanks."

"For what? You mean you'll-Fuck. Lewis-"

Simon flipped his cell shut, chuckling to himself. Raphael would drive around New York with Clary for exactly one hour, and than drop her off at Nacho Mama's, where she ate her lunch. And he'd go to work.

That'd be a perfect place to approach her.

(****************************************************)

Simon leaned against the windows of the Mexican restraunt, smirking gleefully as Clary ate the last bit of her spicy chicken burrito, waving a hand in front of her mouth.

Soon...

He patted at his jacket pocket, making sure he had everything that he needed. Rope, ductape in case she got too loud...Great.

Clary smiled and waved at Aline, the waitress, before slipping on her green hoodie and began walking towards the door.

Simon bounced on the balls of his feet. Almost there, c'mon, open the door...

Thump.

Simon watched in horror as Clary fell to the pavement in front of him, blinking in surprise.

"Oh, my God, are you alright?" Simon crouched down in front of her, panicking slightly. "Are you hurt?"

Clary looked up at him, blushing slightly. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Sorry."

Simon frowned slightly. In all the time he'd been watching her, he didn't remember her blush. "Huh. Shit." He looked at her hands, which were scraped from the fall. "You're bleeding."

Clary looked down at her hands dazedly. "I am, aren't I?"

Lightbulb.

"Hey, I have a first aid kit in my car. C'mere, I'll clean it off."

Clary bit her lip. *cue hard on* "I dunno..." She glanced away. "My boyfriend's supposed to pick me up after lunch..."

"I know." Shit. Simon mentally palmed his face.

Clary cocked her head. "You do?"

"I mean, I know you probably have someone to pick you up..." Damn, why do I suck at lying under pressure? Simon scratched the back of his head. "Listen, come over to my car. You don't want that getting infected. And an artist's hands are their most valuable tools."

Clary's eyes widened. "How'd you know I'm an artist?" Shit, shit, shit, Lewis. That's a hobby even her boyfriend doesn't know about.

Simon flashed her a fake grin. "I don't. Now, let's get you in that car..."

Clary's mouth fell open. "The hell I am! You fuckin' creep." She tried to stand up, but Simon's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. "Please, Clary. Please come with me."

She paled, though if Simon hadn't studied her ivory face for so long, he wouldn't have been able to tell. "How the fuck do you know my name?"

When he didn't answer, she tried to pull away. "Help! He-" Simon slapped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry, Clary."

She bit at his hand, but no avail. Simon picked her up, and jogged over to his very manly, yellow van. No matter what Jace told him, it didn't look like a rotten banana, and he was just ahead of his time. Sports cars would soon be out of fashion.

He lifted Clary so that she was hung over his right shoulder, ignoring her kicks and screams. Simon patted her ass, and she bit his lower back. Ungrateful little- Simon gently laid her in the trunk, ripping off a piece of ductape and plastering it over her mouth. She stared up at him.

"Sorry," he apologized again, bringing the rope out of his pocket. After he had her tied up, Simon slammed the trunk door shut, and walked, whistling, over to the driver's seat.

Soon. Soon, he'd convince her to love him.

(***********************)

I'm not gonna lie, I was hesitant to post this. Simon's a little too stalkerish for my taste, but whatever. He'll grow on me, like the characters in my other stories, no matter how much I don't like them.

Review and tell me whether I should continue this or not.