Author's note: So I realize this is a pretty crazy crackship but they just really seem to work together, I think. This story's essentially just really smutty, but there is a plot (as you can see by how long I've managed to make it.) I'd love to hear what you guys think on the story/pairing et cetera so please feel free to leave a review!

He was perfectly happy beforehand, probably the happiest he'd been since he was a kid. Leslie made him happy. She was cheery and kind and perfect and everyday with her seemed to be better than the last. And it was exciting having to hide it from Chris. It made them even more eager to get their hands on each other when they got to bed later that night.

They had sadly made the unfortunate mistake of dubbing their relationship 'perfect.' Because nothing is perfect and if anything on the entire planet were to be perfect it would never be a relationship. The first rule of relationships is they are never perfect and the sooner you realize that, the better. Ben and Leslie thought what they had was untouchable - they had tons in common and were happy together, what could go wrong?

Well for starters, Ben sometimes got antsy during the day and was much more willing to risk compromising their secret than Leslie was. He liked to push the envelope, she liked to play it safe. They found themselves in the copy room together one day, completely on accident. Leslie had worn a skirt that day and as she stood, spewing off a new idea she had about her campaign for mayor, Ben's hands tried to make their way up her skirt and into her panties.

"Ben! What are you doing?" she gasped and quickly pushed his hand away. "The door's wide open, Chris could walk by. Any one could walk by!"

"Then I'll shut the door," he cooed into her ear.

"No, Ben, not now."

They didn't talk much the rest of the day. And neither of them went home with the other that night. And neither of them texted each other or called each other up. Leslie just whined to Ann and Ben avoided Andy and April.

The next day was Friday and Leslie left Ben a memo that said she was having dinner with her mother and didn't know how good of an idea it would be if Ben came along. Shit. Was she avoiding him?

He popped into her office right before he took his lunch break and shut the door behind him.

"Oh, sorry, I've just been so busy today," she said nervously shuffling papers on her desk.

"Hey, so, I'd be glad to go to your mom's dinner thing tonight, honestly, I want to."

"It's a girl's night thing, Ben, sorry. Maybe some other night," she grinned and looked back down at her cluttered desk. Ben walked around the back of her desk and began massaging her shoulders.

"Ben, I swear to god, Chris is going to see us if you're not careful!" Leslie hissed at him.

"Aww, come on, you're no fun today," he learned down close to her ear and kissed it. "Come on, the storage closet's totally free. Let's go, it's lunchtime, no one will notice."

"I can't now Ben." Leslie stood up and left her office quickly, leaving Ben alone at her desk. He nodded his head and followed her with his eyes until she disappeared.

"Fucking great."

They didn't talk for the rest of the day.

Ben ended up at the Snake Hole that evening. He hated that place without Leslie. He didn't know anyone else there and he figured he could've gotten perfectly drunk at a normal bar or even in the comfort of his own home.

"What are you doing here, loser?" Ben heard the familiar monotone voice next to him at the bar. April had slid in the vacant seat beside him.

"Drinking away my feelings," he said, taking a long drink from his glass.

"Cool." April said. "When are you gonna buy me a drink?"

Ben sighed, he wasn't in the mood to deal with April. "Would you like a drink, April?"

"Yes." She ordered her drink and watched Ben nurse his in silence. "You having a shit day, too?"

"Yeah. I had a fight with uh," he paused remembering that April didn't know about him and Leslie, "my friend."

"That sounds really gay," she nearly shouted over the loud music. "I yelled at Andy today for being a fuckup and he locked himself in our bedroom. So I told him if he didn't come out I'd get drunk and fuck the first stranger I met and he still never came out. So here I am."

"That's fucked up, April."

"Yeah. I'm gonna go talk to that guy over there because you're boring."

Ben watched her totter down the bar and slide in next to a sleazy guy who bought her the same drink Ben just had. He watched her twirl her hair and casually bit her lip while she flirted with this stranger. While doing so he slugged somewhere between five and nine more drinks. April was becoming more and more desirable to him by the second. He could hardly see her through the smokey haze of the bar as she sat behind this sleazy dick who's hand was working it's way up her thigh.

Ben stood up and walked over to her.

"Is this guy bothering you, April?" he said, though he could tell he wasn't. He couldn't think straight, words just began to spew from his mouth.

"Ignore him," April said to the guy. "He's the one who molested me when I was seven."

"Fucking bitch, no I did not!"

"Ben, you can go now."

"No," Ben protested, though he could barely keep himself standing up without holding onto a chair. Maybe he'd had more drinks than he remembered. "Come here." He grabbed her arm and she, surprisingly, followed him.

"You really are a loser aren't you?" she said. "Whatever, that guy was a douche."

"You shouldn't be doing this, behind Andy's back I mean."

"I told him what I was doing. See if I care if he's upset."

Ben didn't really know what he was doing. Nor did he remember much of it the next morning. Ben and April sat a small table in the back corner and had a few more drinks until Ben, seemingly uncontrollably, grasped the back of April's head and pulled her in hard for a kiss. They made out for what felt like hours - neither of them had a good gauge of time - before April pulled back and breathed. "We're so fucking drunk."

Ben snorted out a laugh. "At least you're doing what you promised Andy." Ben continued to laugh but April didn't find it funny. She stood up quickly, wobbling only slightly, and pulled on Ben's tie. He stood up with her and she grasped his hand, pulling him through the crowd and across the club.

"What are you doing?" Ben shouted over the noise.

"We're going to the bathroom." She responded. He didn't understand for a minute. He didn't have to go to the bathroom, though he did have a growing erection that may or may not have needed to be taken care of.

April pushed Ben into the girl's restroom. She checked around to make sure no one was in there. It was empty, though judging by the number of people in the club, someone was bound to come in eventually.

"April, I can't be in here, this is the girl's room."

"Shut up, loser, " she said, as she shoved his unsteady body into the first stall. The second she secured the door he began unbuckling his belt and undoing his pants. She pushed him onto the toilet and straddled him, not wanting to waste any time. She pulled her dress up, moved her panties to the side - not bothering to take them off - and lowered her self onto him.

They fucked quickly. If any one had come into the bathroom neither of them noticed.

"See you at home," April whispered into Ben's ear after she kissed him again, much more passionately this time. She wobbled on her heels out of the bathroom, leaving him alone in the stall, pants still undone and dignity barely intact. He sat in there for a few more minutes, his mind sober enough to think of how entirely awful what he just did was. He'd just been fucked by April on a toilet.

"Fuck!" he hollered, banging his head against the bathroom stall. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Someone probably heard him. He didn't care. He rode a taxi back to April and Andy's place, though he wished there was a dark alley for him to sleep in. It took everything in him not to throw up in the cab, and everything else in him not to throw up on April and Andy's front lawn. When he made it into the house he noticed the TV on and then saw April fast asleep on the couch. He sat at her feet and watched her sleep for a few minutes. Andy's loud snores from their bedroom made him want to throw a knife at his door. What kind of asshole would make April sleep on the couch? He clicked off the TV, stumbled into his room and out of his clothes. As he laid in bed, trying to drown out Andy, he heard a noise from the living room. The TV had been turned back on.

April, Ben whispered to himself and fell asleep.