The mouse, the tiger and the youkai jesus

Chapter 1: Jealousy

Her not me.

That sentence passed through my mind about a hundred times, yet I seemed to refuse to accept it. Lying alone in my bed once again I thought about how I would continue living normally with the way things were now. I, Nazrin, the dowser and commander of mice, for once had no idea what to do. As I was lying there I thought of how pathetic I was. I was a shame for my kind, but what was I supposed to do about the situation? No one could've done anything. Whatever. So as I was lying there I was thinking and thinking. Why couldn't I get her out of my head? Why was she in there? Her smile, her movements, her voice... everything was stuck in my mind and it wouldn't come out anymore. When I heard her say my name my heart skipped a beat. When she'd place a hand on my shoulder I felt this burning sensation. Was she thinking about me when she was trying to fall asleep? Most likely not.

The only one on her mind was that other woman, Byakuren Hijiri, the youkai jesus. She had saved and helped so many people. How could I possibly blame anyone for loving her? Her walk was proud and elegant, mine was small and too normal. Her cooking was delicious and flavored with love, mine was inedible and burnt. Her smile was honest and loving, mine was rare and cold. Her body was beautiful and well shaped, mine was little and rather flat-chested. But most importantly her heart was big and self-less, while mine was small and egoistical. She had everything that I didn't have. No wonder she was loved by everyone.

It was a few months ago that I first felt this strange feeling. It wasn't that new to me, yet , I had never felt it that strongly before. Jealousy. She was talking to Hijiri and they were laughing. I needed to talk to her about something not that important. So they were chatting happily until I showed up. I felt like I was ruining the mood, but sadly I didn't know that it was going to be like that until I interrupted them. I asked if I was bothering and Hijiri said I wasn't and that it was fine, but her... Her gaze was enough to let me understand that I had entered in a bad moment and that I wasn't wanted at that point. As I left I watched them and I saw how she smiled at her. That smile. That smile that meant so much more than the one she gave me. It hurt seeing her giving it away to somebody else. And there it was. The burning feeling that ate me up. The one and only jealousy.

I never was the jealous kind of person and was able to tolerate a lot of things. But for some reason Hijiri suddenly seemed like such a bother to me. Everything remained normal to everyone else, but every smile Hijiri gave me, every nice word she sent me... they all seemed like lies. And the night following my jealous event was the first night I ever dreamed of her. I wonder if she noticed my strange behavior. How I would send her one or another loving smile. And give Hijiri one or another death glare. I didn't want Hijiri to liked by everyone, especially not by her. But whoever would hear my jealous curses would be on the side of the youkai jesus. Because I was thinking about me and not about her. I never thought about what she wanted, just about what I wanted. But even if I hated Hijiri so much, I had to be thankful. Without her I would never have met her. And maybe my life would have gone a complete different way.

Awaiting slumber I heard all those thoughts circling in my head. My head hurt terribly and I wished I could get up and get myself a drink of water or something. But I couldn't. Outside my room were Hijiri and the others. Also her. I had left the chit-chat party early that day, because I didn't feel well. And that wasn't even an excuse. Seeing her talking happily with Hijiri made me feel sick and horrible. Jealousy had struck me once again. You always except jealous people to be the bad ones. They were hated by mostly everyone, but did I deserve to be hated? I don't think so. No one deserves to be hated. But apparently master thought differently. With every small interruption in a conversation of her and her Hijiri her glare grew darker. A few days ago the captain sent me to ask her something and I had to bother her. I had never been more scared before in my life. Her gaze. That horrible, painful gaze. The hatred burning in her eyes as if it was trying to strangle me. I even forgot what the captain wanted me to ask at instant and just left startled.

Ah, it was no use. I couldn't sleep. I sat up. I didn't hear the others anymore, so at least Murasa left, being that she was the most noisy one. Ichirin would feel like she was bothering master and Hijiri if she stayed without Murasa staying as well, so she left for sure as well, taking Unzan with her... and that left Hijiri and master. They were alone now. If I interrupted now I could immediately go pack my bags to leave the temple. Which actually wasn't such a bad idea. No, I should get that out of my head. Even if I bothered her right now, I had to be a loyal underling to my master. I had to be there until she said she didn't want me there anymore. Receiving a boost of courage from that thought, I opened the door a tiny bit and peeked outside. Master was still there, but there was no sign of Hijiri. I waited a minute and then another. And before I noticed ten minutes passed as I watched my beautiful master. She was alone there. I could go to her now and confess. But that didn't even cross my mind. It would be stupid to confess to someone who's on the edge of death hating you.

Still, I wanted my drink of water and being as stubborn as I was I just opened the door completely and made a noisy yawn to make her believe that I had just woken up. I should just pretend to be tired enough to not even see her. So I turned into another direction, seeing from the corner of my eye how she looked at me surprised. I pretended to walk slowly and tiredly, my eyes half closed and my back half bent. I managed to get that desired water without anyone trying to contact me. Most likely because I didn't see anyone besides master. I headed straight back to my room, keeping the tired walk. I saw that master was still there, but pretended not to until...

"Nazrin?" Damn. Either my acting skills were sucky or she really wanted something. I looked at her with half closed eyes. "Oh, master. You're still awake?" I asked my voice dragging itself. "Yes, I couldn't sleep..." She looked like she was in thought. Sadly I knew who that thought was about. "...what about you? I guess you were too busy thinking to sleep as well, huh?" She made a little smile. I hated what I had to do now... at least I hated to do it to master, but I couldn't let her know it. I couldn't risk her finding out what I kept a secret. I had to reach into the pocket of my pajamas and pull out a lie. "No, I've been asleep already." I stretched and smiled a tiny bit, "I just woke up and felt thirsty." I explained the untruth, careful that my voice still sounded a little sleepy. I should ditch dowsing and become and actress I thought jokingly to myself. "Oh, I see. Well, good, Night, Nazrin, I hope you still have a good rest." she smiled. "Th-thank you, master." Stuttering? Damn. "Have a g-good r-rest as w-well!", and now I couldn't fight the blush anymore and disappeared quickly into my room.

What happened? She went from death glares to friendly smiles? I knew master was a little messed up sometimes, but that was just strange. Whatever. I was starting to feel tired now. My eye lids suddenly felt heavy. Apparently her wishing me a good night was like the medication to sweet slumber. And I told her good night back.

But there's one thing I could never tell her.

One phrase that could never escape my lips.

"I love you, Toramaru Shou."

*This will NOT be Anti-Byakuren, I don't love her, but I don't hate her either.

Phew, this is for a first chapter. I really love this couple and to anyone who loves it as much as me: Please review and tell me how you like this!